This fast really brought the deprivation thing into focus, even the joy of preparing food...really prepared food like grandma and all the tradition therein involved in the time-honored recipes, all that and everything related to it, well, it just made me angry. Not so much fast food which I haven't had in years, or packaged food...but I've been living on cans of tuna and eggs, and salad, and not anything I could "make" I know it's weird. I'm going to have to recreate all that and rethink the preparation. It's not going to be enough to throw some lettuce in a bowl anymore, I'm tired of being deprived that way and yet in my mind cooking meant those starchy foods...those foods were the acceptable form of indulgence, I don't know why, just a mental block I guess. I saw a book today called "burnt toast" and I guess the gist of it is that it's no longer acceptable to "settle" in life or to "make do"--food is just one thing. so I'm going to kick the burnt toast to the curb. School has made me such a minimalist in so many ways that are just not acceptable anymore, and might not have even been necessary after all, and along with that, the anger, there is guilt--can you really achieve and not deprive yourself. But you know, we are worth it!