I have always allowed my children the right to open opinion.
Many people had many disagreements with me,
in the manner that I raised them.
That was their headtrip not mine.

I chose to see my kids as the individual spirits
they are, that were simply within my care,
for to provide them with food, clothing, shelter,
security , and above all love and acceptance.

That is not to say
I did not have to discipline them sometimes.
But I also allowed them to voice their disagreements,
even if cussing etc.
Infact, after listening to my heart,
and to their opinions,
I often would see something from their viewpoint.

I then weighed that perspective against my own,
and if I felt I had overlooked something,
or needed to alter the discipline applied,
I spoke to them about it, and apologised.

I think the main reason why my kids grew up ,
being socially kind, generous, stable, young adults,
with very strong separate identities and opinions,
that they are not afraid to voice,
has its roots in the manner of respect
I chose to give them,
when they were young.

To this day,
As young adults,
they each are pursuing completely different paths.
I support each of them fully in following their inner hearts
towards the creation of life that they desire.

Again , many people still have much to say (lol )
about my mothering skills..
I guess society as a whole thinks a mother should
*control * HER children to be what society would be more
comfortable with.
This is a really abherrant form of thinking in my belief.
When people say to me,
How can you let them do this or that?
I say how can I not?
They have the right to choose any path in life.
My only function is to love them and be supportive.

I find that the ones busy putting noses into others business,
very often do so for not wanting to face their own lives.
So they spend their time, interferring with others.

I can accept that,
esp when I see,
it is a matter of fear
(for them )..
For if their stopped looking at others,
trying to find fault (or good)
they would have to stand in the mirror of life,
and face themselves.
So for many it is an adaptive way of denial
of self.

I find it sad when I see this in others,
yet I know I must accept it
and love their inner divinity.
They will only change when THEY choose to,
which may not occur even during their entire
*visit* on this planet called earth.

I watch the people that I cared for
in their baby years until adulthood,
and they continue to amaze me,
as they share with me aspects of their experiences.
I feel deeply honored by each of them
when they choose to include me
in the sharing of their life,
thoughts, dreams, frustrations and activities.

I think all of this type of respect,
bears itself out in the quality of output
within the *receipient.
As even my Kobudo students
many years ago, showed a high grade quality.
They blossomed, because I tried to make it FUN.
I listened to each one, asking what were their goals?
To what degree skillmanship were they wanting to attain?
(since some wanted to compete in tournaments,
and some where just there to get the required
bojitisu black belt
to proceed to 2nd lvl back belt in Karate)

I also had fun *kamps* where we worked out,
on skits, upcomming public demos, etc...
but also spent time just simply relaxing and playing,
swimming and picnicing as people.
(outside of just a practice dojo)
We had celebration dinners only for ourselves.
(for the *team*).

No one else did this..
and you could see extreme forms
of competition and tensions between those students.
My students saw each other as brothers,
and friends that they were sharing a common love
of sport, with graceful respect of learned skills.

I remember the mother of one of my students,
trying to get me to *tell * her child to workout more
at home.
She did this in front of her son, btw.
I told her that was not my job.
The only one that could put in the extra effort,
if he so chose, was the son himself.
I also told her that he was doing fine in my eyes,
and meeting his test requirements.
He was amazed I think to see another person
stand up for him, against his mother.
This child went on to gain black belt
in both Kobudo, and karate,
and began to show me a very accelerated
level of respect after that interaction.
His mother was failing
to give him unconditional support
and instead had fallen into critical manipulation
and control aspects.
This could have resulted in his just plain giving up.
When you give back the power to people
over their own choices,
they will blossom and become wonderful flowers
in this garden of life.

The core again, is Respect and Fun,
always supported by love of each individuals'
unique personal identity.

Thanks for responding,
have a great weekend.

Ami Joi Benton.