This nonsense about you not wanting to dilute your sister's children's inheritance is very thin, are you being 100% honest with yourself?~ now that you have the maturity it may be time to take responsibility, forgive yourself~ adopt a child, if your father approves of it-since you are tied to him financially- Go volunteer at a local foster care facility..lance the bitterness of disappointment with the charity of sharing your gifts-Take actions to relieve your horrible self-battering-Forgive yourself and share yourself. Appreciate that you are still breathing and can change it all in a day if you choose!