CureZone
  All Blogs
    Time To Get Freaking Real With Myself, Right?

Time To Get Freaking Real With Myself, Right?
by #63992

9 blog entries; 9 entries per page; 1 pages; viewed 77,636 times
Description   |   Rules   |   Disclaimer

  • So Many Emotions All At Once!   by  #63992     16 y     3,238       5 Messages Shown       Blog: Time To Get Freaking Real With Myself, Right?
    I have to admit that it's probably been over two years since I've gone this long without alcohol. A couple of years ago I went 22 days w/out it, fell off the wagon, and have drank every night since then. However, this past week has been about getting real w/ this problem by being forced to share this decision w/ my family because we're postponing the wedding which was supposed to be next Saturday.

    This past week I've felt two-fold about the whole thing. One side of me is pissed because I have to call all these people and frankly I just don't want to. I don't want to deal with, "well why aren't you getting married? what's up? are you guys breaking up?" and all these questions require a lengthy in-depth answer. I'm pissed because I wish he had said something to me much earlier where I could have intercepted a lot of what I have to go back and clean up now where the wedding is concerned. I'm pissed because I feel like I'm being looked at as a leapor, a failure, an addict, weak and useless. Of course these adjectives I erroneously make up in my head and I do know they're invalid from a logical perspective. But logic doesn't always make it's way into our emotional state. Nonetheless, these are some of the emotions I feel.

    Conversely, I also feel relieved, rejuvenated, & full of energy. David's been asking me how I feel this week. I explained to him the reasons I feel such a sense of relief. Indirectly, I've KNOWN something was going to have to give with the destructive lifestyle I was living. I've known the issue was somehow, someway going to make it's way to me in the method of a big hand across my face. Ya wanna know the truth? I now know I've actually been BEGGING for it the whole time!

    So anyway I'm going to continue on. I gotta tell ya, this serious situation we've come together to address has brought us even closer as a couple. David has been so sweet, supportive, and down to earth. I can talk to him about anything and he truly sympathizes and understands everything I have to say. He tells me how proud he is of me. Additionally, I believe I've received a newfound level of respect from him with the strength of my continued abstinance he's observed. He admitted he thought I'd try to sneak behind his back which I have not. The close friends he confided in talking to about my dilemma probably warned him the outcome of his confrontation could permanently tear us apart depending on my reaction. I know so often when some sort of substance interferes between a couple, more times than not the substance prevails ultimately demolishing the relationship. People will choose the alochol or substance over their mate. I believe I've also received a hightened level of respect from those friends he did confide in too. I think they're thinking, "damn, she's strong." And that's exactly how I want to be perceived.

    As I've had these personal discussions w/ my close family and friends about this issue, one of the biggest questions all of them ask is, "well, is he going to quit drinking too?" "It's not going to work properly if he doesn't." Well, just let me say that I'm fully aware of that. As a matter of fact, I'm strategically letting time pass as David continues to observe my abstinance on purpose. I'm not going to give an ultimatum to him. Its not going to come from me because I know that as he continues to talk to his confidantes, they will be the ones to address this very important fact with him. I'm sitting back and observing right now. Besides, at this time, we're working on me.
    Reply   FCK   TinyMCE  
    Notifications
    Agree
    Disagree
     
    • All personal choices must be made by each person....   by  kerminator     16 y     1,528

      Dear Lady;

      First you are not a  reject or what ever you may feel... You have addressed an issue in your life and have the courage and foritude to carry out your decision...  May the blessing of GOD be with you...  Take care and the proper time will come to speak to David...

      Mean while read some of my past posts on "Brain Boot Camp"  there is a lot of self challenge and moral support there for you...  Your life is up to you and only you can really make it happen...

      Will be checking back with you...   BTW: I live in NW GA... 

      Stay the course...   SEE Ya.. Kermit

      Reply   FCK   TinyMCE  
      This is my avatar. Click here to see my profile.
      kerminator
      Notifications
      Agree
      Disagree
       
    • What a lot to go through...   by  annaconda     16 y     1,694
      I understand that whole thing about making so many arrangements then having to break them... It seems to me ideally you would have much more time to go through things like this, especially the sitting back and waiting to see what your fiance does with his drinking.

      Maybe as measure of good faith, he could take some time off drinking. Whether it's permanent or not for him, it would be a show of solidarity if he wanted to honor your commitment by joining you in support or something.

      I believe in a very delicate balance between two people - the feeling of mutual attraction, and thinking that you're as into the other person as they are into you. I have found that once this balance is lost, it's impossible to get it back. Now as you make many changes and strive to move towards your goals, be mindful of this balance. Because if you're giving up something that's been fun to you (believe me, I know the hangover sucks, but drinking can be fun when it's not abusive to your body), and he's not giving anything up, not changing, he's driving the conversation a bit. You could find yourself all changed up with no date!

      Good luck and strength to you in this time of major trials. Your true and loving friends and family will be happy you're helping yourself make changes, no matter what that does to your wedding plans. They'll be back when you're ready.
      Reply   FCK   TinyMCE  
      This is NOT me. This is just randomly assigned avatar, until I upload my own photo. Click here to see my profile.
      annaconda
      Notifications
      Agree
      Disagree
       
    • Geez   by  #33832     16 y     1,700
      He's got you wrapped around his little finger and he throws you crumbs and you bend down to pick them up lke they are diamonds. "I thought you would sneak" is NOT a compliment worthy of you his wife to be. He's so happy because he pulled off the big one and blamed it on you and you bought every word of it and he's getting to stay single and have you doing exactly whatever he wants because he's got you believing you're the problem. Nice control tactic. From now on, he can just dangle the marriage carrot and you'll jump as high as he wants and now he knows you won't even have any return expectations from him. Good thing, too since he wasn't going to offer to quit his own drinking, not even to help you stop. Why not make him call everyone to cancel the plans since he's so supportive and you're struggling with quitting drinking? Geez--When you decide to not settle, you won't settle. Know you are worth more than this. Good luck.
      Reply   FCK   TinyMCE  
      Notifications
      Agree
      Disagree
       
Back To Top

Selected Ads from CureZone Sponsors: Become a Sponsor

VIP

 
 

PLAT

Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.
 
 

GOLD

 
 

GOLD

 
 

SILVER

Hulda Clark Cleanses
Wormwood, Clove, Clarkia, Turmeric, Epsom Salt, Uva Ursi, Goldenrod
Free Remineralizer for your Teeth
Best Teeth Remineralization, Strengthening, and Cleaning
 
 

SILVER

End Constipation Now
Let oxygen remove old, impacted fecal matter as it detoxifies and cleans...
 
 
Back To Top How many people click on the sponsord links? Become a Sponsor



 


CureZone Newsletter is distributed in partnership with https://www.netatlantic.com


Contact Us - Advertise - Stats

Copyright 1999 - 2022  curezone.org

1.328 sec, (1)