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Blog: Quantum Intelligensia
Metamorphosis
Tools for Transformation's
weekly newsletter
CONTENTS
New! Life Coaching Service
Is Your Sand Box Too Small?
Four Rules to Lead an Extraordinary Life
Healing "Missing Mother Syndrome" with EFT
The Secret to a Thriving Coaching Practice
How to Escape from 'The Box Trap'
How to Keep a Well Being Journal
History Reveals the Truth About Fátima
Migraine Headaches: Is Natural Relief Possible?
Free Coaching Teleseminars
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New! Life Coaching Service
Have your personal problems answered by Life Coach, Wallace Huey
A Life Discovered.org provides free life coaching by email, and free online training in personal development, supported by a book on inner guidance, a book club, self-help workshop and two discussion forums. We are pleased to introduce its webmaster and life coach, Wallace Huey, who is offering a special service for Metamorphosis subscribers. Wallace invites you to email him from this page at trans4mind online with questions about your personal life -- he will reply to your question by publishing his answer in a following issue of this ezine. You will remain anonymous. Here is an example of Wallace's life coaching by email...
Post Valentine Blues?
Question
My problem is about my relationships with guys, my heart has been broken, and I find it hard to move on, and in the process of moving on I hurt other guys, and always feel very guilty about doing that. However, now, I do believe I can finally see myself wanting to settle down, and meet someone nice.
I've met someone. I've been with him about 4 months now. It was casual... actually I kissed other guys at the beginning. To be honest, I enjoyed the male attention from him - it's nice doing couply things - but I feel that I'm still not happy with him... I want to smile when I talk about him, like he's fantastic and amazing, but I can't. I met an x of mine with him, actually my x is an old friend of my current boyfriend, and I found myself being totally attracted to him, as we had a lot in common from college. I still am so confused about relationships.
My present male friend is very unconfident with me, especially when it comes to intimacy. The last weekend we met I couldn't even kiss him, he is very shy and not confident in his own appearance, he tends to find it hard to express himself, and sometimes stammers a bit. I get really agitated with this (never to his face) as it's not a trait I really admire, but I would never embarrass him, and I try not to make him feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel this is a trait I dislike because I can be like this myself, although I'm confident about my appearance, and it really bothers me that he's not. I almost feel less confident myself when I'm with him.
Also, I feel there's not much of a spark there for me, although I enjoy being with him and now that I'm 31, it's hard to meet nice guys out there. I sometimes feel that if I don't just take a chance with someone that I'll never meet anyone. I fear that with this guy, I'll never have the passion or intimacy that I'd like, as he's not too experienced and definitely isn't as passionate as me. I'm totally myself which is a good thing, and he seems to accept me for me, but I can't say I'm ecstatic... sometimes I wonder will I ever be.
Recently I've had a couple of blows that have knocked my self confidence and belief in myself. I keep a diary, and the same things have been cropping up for a number of years... that I need to build my confidence and believe in myself and my decisions more. I know I have to make changes... what can I do?
Answer
I understand your confusion. Life appears confusing much of the time because that is its nature. Life is always changing, flowing and growing. Only dead things are clear because they are static. So don't worry about being confused - enjoy it and let the confused state be - accept it as you would a good friend.
You mentioned to me that you have beliefs and goals around your primary relationship. You want to settle down. You believe you would like to meet someone. Why? Are you not happy to be content on your own? I do not mean to deride your wish for a fulfilling relationship but if you think that a relationship will make you happy, think again. Your first step is to become a contented single person.
I want to give you a warning. If you are engaging in relationships out of fear - fear of being alone, fear of getting older, fear of missing the boat, fear of being too old to have children, fear of being left on the shelf - then you need this warning. My warning is simply this, that if you enter any relationship motivated by these or other fears then your relationship is doomed to failure. How can a romantic relationship be founded on fear? Surely it must be founded on love, not fear, and I suspect love is something of which you have very little experience.
You said your boyfriend is shy and stammers, lacks confidence and finds it hard to express himself. You said "I get really agitated with this". If you lacked confidence, found it hard to express yourself and were stammering and your partner was getting really agitated, would that help? You can be sure that your boyfriend will be sensing that you are having these agitated feelings and will be finding it impossible to trust you with his deepest secrets - the very secrets that, if shared, would help heal him of stammering.
Trusting one another with our deepest secrets, highest aspirations and most vulnerable feelings is spiritual intimacy. sexua| intimacy should always be subservient to and consequent on spiritual intimacy. Therefore to have a loving relationship we first need to know and understand ourselves - then we will be able to share ourselves with others in an intimate relationship.
If you want to make any progress in learning to love, it is vital that you learn this important lesson first: your partner never causes any negative thought or emotion you experience when in his company. These negative thoughts and feelings are caused by your own buried pain which you carry from experiences in your past. To have successful relationships you need to entirely give up blaming your partner for your negative feelings and instead look inwards to your own heart, where you will find your pain, and then release it harmlessly.
You will find guidelines for doing this in my book Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off. The book is about transforming your life by following inner guidance. It will help you feel more confident about making decisions and give you insights into your relationship with others and with yourself. If you order the book, look up the section titled, Your Calling is Elevated Through the Release of Pain, pages 66-72. You might also care to read from the same book the section titled Your Healing from Fear, Anger and Grief, pages 223 - 226 and Your Healing from a Broken Relationship, pages 214-220.
In addition you might like to order Peter Shepherd's Magical Wizard Programs to help you turn things around and bring the magic back into your life. They will help you with self confidence and relaxation, and using the Law of Attraction to create a life of love and prosperity.
My advice to you is to become a contented single person. Accept your life as a single person - stop fighting against it by continually wishing it was different. Learn to enjoy your own company by taking quiet evenings in or by going for walks on your own. If you feel frustrated by this, create a distance between yourself and these frustrating thoughts by watching them come and go in your mind without trying to change them or alter them in any way. This learning to watch your own mind working is a form of meditation. The real you does not belong to any frustrating, angry, destructive or negative tendency within.
If you persist with this practice, the one who watches will grow stronger and all the negative and destructive feelings and thoughts will grow weaker. Then you will come closer and closer to discovering who you really are and to discovering what love is. To find love and fulfilment you need to look inside yourself. Once you are able to walk through the woods alone surrounded by an aura of love and are able to sense its sweet perfume, then you will attract admirers of the finest kind who will move vast distances to be in your company. This should be your aim.
Receive Free Confidential Life Coaching: If you would like email support for your personal problems from Wallace and do not want them published in this ezine, you can receive free confidential life coaching by ordering Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off - the book that supports his email coaching.
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Is Your Sand Box Too Small?
By Philip Winkelmans
I remember playing in my first sandbox. I can't remember how old I was, but I remember the excitement I felt at being as messy and playful as I liked. Then came the toys, a little bucket, a soldier figure, and a plastic toy or two. This was great fun as I could imagine and create all sorts of different scenarios, which in my mind were almost real.
Looking back now I remember how the sand box and the toys became less and less exciting. I recall spending less and less time in my sandbox, in fact I actually arrived at the point where I wouldn't play in my sandbox any more. My sand box had become too small.
In time I looked for and found bigger and better sandboxes. Oh, I don't remember now what the next one was. It was probably a tricycle, which was later replaced by a bicycle and then that too was replaced with all sorts of other things. I just kept growing and expanding into bigger and better sandboxes.
The same pattern always repeated itself. First there would be the excitement, the exhilaration at the newness of the new sandbox. But then, overtime this excitement would fade and I'd find myself again looking for a bigger and better sandbox.
How fulfilling, meaningful and life giving is your sandbox?
Sandboxes have many different names; they can appear as relationships, careers, locations and belief systems. I believe having too small a sand box happens many times in our lives. Moving to a bigger sand box helps us expand our ability to embrace more of life's bigger picture. It also builds character. The problem comes when our sandbox is too small, but we refuse to leave it. Or we leave and look for another the same size, and another and another.
Could staying in too small a sandbox be a matter of life and death? I'm reminded of the small town I grew up in. Most of my teen years were spent getting into one jackpot after another. When I was seventeen, I realized I had to leave this town and look for my fortunes elsewhere. This sand box had become too small. A couple of years ago my brother and I were talking about old times. I was surprised to learn that nearly all of my former teenage friends had since died. I wondered at the time if they had played in the same sandbox too long. I also wondered if I hadn't left would the same fate have happened to me.
Creating Bigger Sandboxes
Going to a bigger sandbox is not always easy. Often it can feel quite threatening at first. Even though a new sandbox may appear bigger and more appealing, it can also seem as if there were a huge moat surrounding it, which would require a certain amount of risk taking to get across.
When you were a child you could not play in the sandbox you are in now. It took much maturing of mind, body and soul to arrive at the place you are at today. Like all of humanity you are a work in progress, and this progress is limited according to your willingness to adventure into the uncharted areas of your life. This year challenge yourself to play in a bigger sandbox, one that you would look forward to with excitement and anticipation.
Dr. Phil Winkelmans, Ph.D. (email) has written the internationally acclaimed book 'The Art of Purposeful Being: Your Destiny Project,' and has recently developed a Tools For The Soul™ Kit. His seminars access intuitive information centers to get unparalleled results from beyond the intellect and offer a fascinating mix of psycho-spiritual and scientific counseling self-healing techniques.
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Four Rules to Lead an Extraordinary Life
By Emmanuel Segui
Everybody can lead an extraordinary life. There is no better time to live your dreams. Knowledge is abundant. The World Wide Web is filled up with billions of pages of information. Libraries contain thousands of books on every topic possible and you can attend seminars all around the world about many different subjects. But to live an extraordinary life, you need to focus and follow these 4 rules...
Find Your Passion.
You have unique talents and God-given gifts. Your job is to discover them. Make a list of the things you always would have liked to do but just never found the time to work on it. What are your hobbies? Begin by studying something you're curious about. This curiosity may turn into a passion. Once you've discovered it, ask yourself the following question: "How can I make a living out of it?" This is the exact strategy that self-made millionaires and successful people followed. Finding, following and living your passion will allow you to lead an extraordinary life.
Create Your Vision.
Create a strategic plan by beginning to define and clarify your vision. Defining your vision can take a month, clarifying it can take several years. But the more your vision is accurate, the more you will attract people, opportunities, and money that will help you reach your vision. The clearer your vision is, the more every part of you, as a human being, is involved: your physical body, your emotions, your mind and your spirit. And this becomes a heartfelt commitment and a creative excitement.
Learn the Power of Discipline.
Discipline is essential as well as hard work. Living a balanced life is at the heart of successful people's teachings. Discipline will let you become more focused on what's important to realize your dreams and live an extraordinary life. Discipline is a key factor for entrepreneurs. And you're one of them because you decided to find your purpose and live your passion. Only this way will you be able to reach your ultimate vision.
Live by Integrity.
In a survey of over 54,000 people, they identified the essential qualities of an effective leader; and integrity was, by far, the number one response. Your level of success in life will directly be proportional to your level of integrity. Theodore Roosevelt said: "Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike." Integrity is living an integrated life around your values or principles. Integrity is to take good care of your physical body, your emotional intelligence, your mental health and your spirit. When one is neglected, the others don't function as well and you lose your character.
When you live your passion according to your unique given talents and you create a vision of what you want out of life, you're not far from realizing your dreams. But something is still missing. You need discipline to make every moment count so every day can be one more day closer to your goal. Live by integrity in all you do and success is assured. Soon you will see all the doors of opportunities open before you.
How much is one good strategic plan worth to you? Find out how you can quickly and easily get a winning mindset guaranteed to achieve massive success ... without becoming a workaholic! Check it out at here: Moving from Vision To Action.
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Healing "Missing Mother Syndrome" with EFT
By Carna Zacharias-Miller
When I had my very first EFT session as a client, we went straight back to my birth. I released a deep, very painful feeling of abandonment, since my schizophrenic mother was unable to bond with me from the beginning. It was a powerful experience, and it made a believer and an EFT practitioner out of me. So, what is this miracle technique called EFT?
EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), developed by Gary Craig, is an emotional form of acupressure. You tap with your fingertips to stimulate certain meridian energy points on your body while you are "tuned in" to your problem. The cause of every negative emotion lies in the disruption of the body's energy system. EFT is usually rapid, long-lasting and gentle. No need for drugs or equipment. It is easily learned by anyone, children included.
EFT works without practitioners needing to have firsthand experience of the condition we are treating, but it does add credibility to my work. When I tell a distressed client, "I know how you are feeling," it is not just a comforting phrase, and it encourages her to bring all these dark, very painful feelings into the open: Even though my selfish mother just walked away... Even though my mother did not want me... Even though I hate my mother... Even though my mother broke my heart...
Growing up without a loving, caring mother implies much more than lacking a same-sex role model. It is devastating. Since the mother is the first basic caretaker, losing her -in an emotional or a physical way - starts a nightmare of deprivation for a child. In a way, it never ends. Many negative conditions and feelings experienced later in life have their roots in this extremely traumatic experience.
The women who contact me recognize themselves with shocked amazement when they read the symptoms of what I coined "Missing Mother Syndrome." They feel lost, out of place, and unsafe in this world. There is an underlying deep sadness, even if there is nothing "wrong." They tend to feel lonely, especially in the company of others. They are very sensitive to rejection of any kind. They are angry. They feel ashamed of who they are. They strive to be "perfect," which causes constant stress. (I do make sure that they have not been diagnosed and are not being treated for any mental illness).
There are two basic, very powerful emotions that always come up - anger and deep sadness. Some women start with the anger, and we work through it to reach the underlying pain of abandonment and/or not being appreciated for who they are. Others start with the sadness and allow themselves to experience the anger.
When I facilitated seven sessions over the phone with "Lilly," she described herself as an overly compliant people-pleaser who did not dare express her artistic talents. She was very aware of the pain her alcoholic mother had caused her as a child. Tapping on the sadness brought up the powerful underlying anger: Even though Mom was gross and embarrassed me in front of my friends, and that still pisses me off... Even though I am so angry that we weren't as important as my violent stepfather... Even though nobody ever cared about me and my feelings...
"Rachel," on the other hand, a competitive, intelligent over-achiever ("I never cry"), needed to push through her anger at her abusive mother to reach the underlying pain (10 sessions). Even though I can't let my anger go because it is the only connection to my mother. If I can't have love, at least I have my anger... She did cry, and it was a relief.
There is no one-size-fits-all protocol for working with these women. It is a very personal process, and I go with the flow (of the pain). Sometimes we end up with missing fathers or financial scarcity. There are, however, certain techniques that I use over and over again such as Tell-a-Story for traumatic memories. I often use Guided Imagery before the tapping in order to get the client out of her head and into her heart, or to meet the Inner Child. I always ask where the anger and the emotional pain are felt in the body: Even though I have this black hole in my heart... Even though there is this constriction in my throat... Even though there is this burning fire in the pit of my stomach...
The best sessions happen when I get into the "zone." I start with the client's wording, and then "something" in me takes over, and a humorous exaggeration (Even my cat throws up when she sees me...), or some profound insight just pop up. For example, when working with "Maya," whose parents both were alive, we achieved a major breakthrough when I said out of the blue: I am an orphan.
At some point (not too early!), I start working with Pat Carrington's "Choices" method. This is a great way to end a therapy because it gives the client something positive to "take home." It is particularly useful when there are fewer sessions than actually needed, usually because of limited resources. Even though I have this belief that I don't deserve to be who I am... I choose to allow my spirit and my soul to dance anyway she wants to. Even though I sometimes feel like I've lost my faith in myself... I choose to trust myself and to find the light inside. I make a point of staying connected via a personal note, e-mails, my monthly newsletter, an online support group.
Healing the emotional wounds of a "Motherless Daughter" is a lifelong journey. However, the results achieved in just three to ten EFT sessions -mostly over the phone- are impressive. Clients report "wonderful changes" and "miracles" in their life. They are able to connect in a more loving way with their children, they react less defensively in relationships, there is less tension in their bodies, panic calms down, self-esteem and joy grow.
By the way, I never push "forgiveness" on anyone. Sometimes compassion for the (often also hurt) mother comes up, but most of the time the painful memories go to neutral. Anyone who has lived in an emotional war zone for most of his or her life knows how wonderful that feels. Ultimately, a "Motherless Daughter" finds healing when she learns to trust in the loving, caring power within. My vision is to help her recognize what that feels like.
Carna Zacharias-Miller, EFT-CC, EFT-ADV, is an EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) practitioner in Tallahassee, FL. She offers live and telephone sessions for stress/fears/weight loss/trauma/self-esteem. Her specialty is helping "Motherless Daughters" to release the painful past and heal their hearts. Phone: (850) 878-5690. E-Mail. Website: Missing Mother.com
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The Secret to a Thriving Coaching Practice
By David Wood
Are you busy building a web site? Would you say brochures are the answer? Business cards? Advertising? Many coaches who try this route in the beginning, only grow their practice very, very slowly. They do what all the marketing books say. But why isn't their business booming? I'm going to give you the answer right here.
The Vicious Cycle
99% of coaches lack confidence. And rightly so! It can be very daunting to put on the hat of 'coach' and offer to change people's lives. Building a web site or designing a brochure are great down the track. But while you're still scared to coach - you'll subconsciously find a way of turning away clients.
Here's the vicious cycle: Having little or no clients which means no experience, which leads to a reluctance to extend the invitation for trial sessions, which leads to no clients, which leads to no experience, and so on.
The Secret
The answer is quite simple - forget the money, forget your pride, and get your experience up - no matter what it takes. And the fastest way to do that? Coach 50 clients! Free, paid, 1 session, 1 week, 3 months - I don't care... just get those initial sessions.
Choose your target list of likely prospects, craft an invitation that feels comfortable to you, and do your initial, exploratory sessions - yes, with 50 people! Each client, fee or no fee, 3 months or 30 minutes, is "gold" to you. Here's what every client (or practice client) gives you...
the feeling you are really a coach, not a fraud
a practice that looks busier
the potential for more referrals
free training
more and more confidence with each client
possible revenue, either right away or down the track
a testimonial
Coaches come to me with questions like: How do I get clients? Who would I call? What would I say? Will they think I'm selling to them? What if I get stuck during a session? How can I get clients without being pushy? Won't it be weird or uncomfortable coaching my friends and colleagues? How can I be credible when I don't even have a certification yet? Can I really make a living from coaching?
If you can relate to these questions, then you have come to the right place! I've been through these issues, and helped many coaches to solve each one. They don't just get more clients, they tap into their passion for coaching, and shine like they're a new person. It's important you have a thriving, successful practice; if you don't - what kind of role model are you for your clients? And the more you get out in the world and coach, the more not only society benefits, but the coaching profession as a whole.
If you're concerned about where to find your prospects, how to craft your invitation, and how to motivate yourself to get moving - then relax. Here's a link to the speech I delivered at the ICF conference - which explains in detail how to go from Zero to Fifty clients:
Getting Your First Fifty Clients
I'm really happy that coaches are getting outstanding results from applying these principles. Here's what you'll learn:
How to make the shift from being timid about coaching, to being excited and expressed
How to communicate coaching so that both you and your prospective client are inspired and even provoked by the possibilities
How to obtain clients without pressuring or doing the 'hard sell'
How to market your coaching in a way that feels easy and natural for you, and make a contribution to people at the same time
How to make an emotional shift (not just a logical one) in your coaching practice. You'll experience a 'closed eye' exercise which will use a powerful timeline principle with you.
Examples of live coaching during question time at the end.
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How to Escape from 'The Box Trap'
By Bill Harris
Many people who come to Centerpointe for help feel trapped in their situation, and have a lot of trouble with the idea that they can create their own reality, or that it is possible to get out of the situation they find themselves in. When what you are creating is being generated unconsciously rather than consciously, it always looks as if you have little or no control. When your internal map of reality is operating outside of your awareness, the results it creates seem as if they come from outside of you, and it often seems as if you have little control over what is happening.
Feeling helpless
Such people often feel as if they are trapped in a box, with no escape. The box could be an uncomfortable situation they feel trapped in, like an unhappy relationship or an unfulfilling job. It could be a way of responding emotionally, such as always withdrawing, always getting angry, or being anxious or depressed. It could be a lack of prosperity, or continuing to create one bad relationship after another. Or, it could be a negative health situation.
When you feel trapped, you're telling yourself that the situation is something you can't doing anything about, and that it must be accepted. While I am totally in favor of emotionally letting whatever happens be okay, I also think there is always something you can do to create a different reality for yourself. Here's another way to think about these situations:
Consider that there is a price that must be paid for everything. You pay a price if things stay the same, and you will have to pay a price if you are to create some sort of change. The price might be time, effort, money, emotional turmoil, physical discomfort, or something else, but in every case, there is a price.
A box, then, is any situation or way of being that keeps you from being happy, peaceful, or from getting what you want in life. You're in such a box if you assume that there is no alternative to the way things are now.
How to get out of the box
There is always a way to get out of a box. Here's how to do it:
Recognize that there is a price to pay for every moment you remain in the box you're in, whatever it is. In many cases, you may have been paying this price for a very long time.
Acknowledge that there IS a way out (there is a price that, once paid, will get you out).
Become clear about both the price for staying in the box and the price for getting out. With that information, you can make a choice about what to do.
So, here is what I suggest you do if there is some area of your life that is not working the way you want it to.
First, find a quiet place where you can be alone and relax, undisturbed, to think things over.
Then, identify the situation that is causing you discomfort. Get clear on exactly what the discomfort is. Write it down, just to make SURE you are clear about it. (Remember, by the way, that it is your resistance to things being the way they are that creates the discomfort. You can always eliminate the discomfort by ending your resistance, but in this case we are talking about how to change the situation.)
Then, think of what you would do if you weren't in this box. At first, you may only think of wanting the discomfort to be gone or the situation to end, but there are probably many things you could do, be, or have if you weren't in the box. Imagine what you could and would do if the box were gone.
What is the price?
Next, identify the price you must pay to get out of the box. If the box is a job you dislike, the price may be looking for a new and better job. It might involve being out of work for a short time, or even taking a cut in pay (though it certainly doesn't have to involve either of these things--there's almost always a way to get exactly what you want, IF you're willing to pay the price).
If the box is a relationship that isn't working, the price might involve a discussion (or even a confrontation) where you express your displeasure and ask for what you want. Or, it might involve getting out of the relationship altogether, which will have its own price.
If the box is being overweight, the price might be changing your eating habits and establishing an exercise program--or, some other price.
On a deeper level, the price might involve identifying and changing beliefs that have helped create the situation. It might involve rearranging your values structure to make something more important or less important in your life. It might involve looking at your strategies for choosing a job, a relationship, what you eat, etc. In some way, your Internal Map of Reality is creating your internal response, and your external results, and the price of changing things--if you really want permanent change--will probably involve figuring out what changes need to be made to various parts of your internal map.
Decide to pay the price
Once you are clear about the price you're currently paying and the price you'd have to pay to make a change, picture yourself paying the price. Try to think of unexpected things that may come up while you're paying it, and how you might deal with them. Think "what if..." and be prepared for as many "what if's" as you can think of.
Go through the entire experience in your mind. If it is the least bit painful, mentally go through the process a second time. You will find that each time you imagine paying the price, any pain you associate with doing so will diminish. For some changes, one time will do it. For others, you may have to imagine paying the price several times to get to the point where you feel okay doing so.
At this point, you will have identified the three things you need to know to get yourself out of the box:
the price you are currently paying for staying in the box...
the price you will have to pay to get out, and...
what new and better results you could have once you're out.
And, you've mentally practiced paying the price, which will make doing so much easier. Often the anticipation of paying the price is much more difficult than actually paying it, which keeps people from taking action. By imagining yourself paying the price, you keep this from happening.
Finally, pay the price and be done with it. No matter what the discomfort, there's always a price you could pay to end it, if you're willing to pay it. Usually, the price to change is less than the price to stay the same. Cultivate the ability to look for a price to pay whenever you want to create a change.
Remember, there is always a price that can be paid. If the price seems too big, think about it some more. Perhaps there is an easier way that you haven't thought of. If you focus on getting what you want and achieving a possible solution, your mind will create one. And, in some situations, you may conclude you just want to leave things the way they are (though my belief is that there is no reason to ever be in a situation you don't like, unless for some reason you want to).
Resistance
Sometimes part of the price is to drop your resistance to whatever is happening, to people being the way they are, or to the world being the way it is. Usually, in addition, there is a price you can pay to also change the situation itself, but you might as well not be resisting 'what is' while you're making the change.
If you're in a marriage in which you aren't happy, you may think you have no alternatives. Perhaps your spouse is the breadwinner, and you have few skills, and that keeps you where you are despite the fact that you are unhappy. But, no matter what your situation, there IS a price that would get you out of it, and if you were willing to pay that price, you COULD leave.
The price might be learning new job skills, being alone for a while, moving, or one of a number of other things. Or, it could be to resolve the problems that make the relationship unworkable. You might find that as you set out to pay this price it turns out to be a tremendously transformative positive experience, rather than whatever you feared it would be.
The point is, there is ALWAYS a price, and the only way to know whether you want to stay in the current situation or make a change is to evaluate the relative prices of the various options. In any case, it's good to know that you are not stuck and without options. And remember, in most cases the price to be paid involves making some changes to your Internal Map of Reality, since this is ultimately where your entire internal and external experience of life is generated.
Two more important points:
The sooner you pay a price, the less it costs you. Waiting to pay always raises the price.
When making a change, always look for direct alternatives--things YOU can do, as opposed to alternatives involving getting someone else to change.
You can make changes in yourself without anyone's permission or help, while changing other people or the world is always a very iffy proposition. You always have choice. Nothing is without price, so you have to evaluate what is valuable to you and what isn't. But it's all up to you.
Be well.
Bill Harris
Director, Centerpointe Research Institute
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