- Pushing Through by mariposa azul
15 y
3,056 2 Messages Shown
Blog: Cleanse My Bulimic little Secret
I was able to clear my mind & thought of that dark place I would be in after a purge.
I don't want to be there again.
That thinking kept me from making the mistake of going through with my binge/purge temptation.
I am proud. Proud & also being gentle with myself, as a friend here has suggested.
Thanks again Ms. M! God has truly blessed me with your kind words.
So my current weight as of this morning: 138.5Lbs
Amount of days I've binged/purged: 0
can i write that one more time?!: 0
So i've lost approx. 10 Lbs in approx. ten days. I realize that most of it is water weight...so I hope that my resolve stays as strong when the pounds start coming off slowly. Being aware is one thing, but living it is quite different.
I'm just listening to my husband getting some cereal to eat...wow!
Just eating/chomping happily away. My poor baby....and to think he has no clue.
But one day I plan to tell him. It will make him sad for me, I think.
But by then I plan to be strong to comfort him and tell him "it's okay"
But it's not that time yet.
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mariposa azul
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- Re: Pushing Through by luvjoy
15 y
1,569
Dear Mariposa Azul,
I was delighted to log on this morning and find your email and also this update of your progress. You stayed the course - AND lost weight. Amazing! Exciting! Yes?
My personal demon was not so much food, but alcohol. Interesting, in retrospect, that I told you not to worry about drinking wine - but I really don't think it was bad advice. Anyway, I struggled my whole life (since 14 years old) with alcoholism (and it was the ugly, drink 'til I puked kind of alcoholism - a kind of purging?)
My sons were born when I was 37 and just a few months shy of 39.
Maybe my pregnancies were the first time in my life I had a reason to (mostly) go without alcohol, or a reason to live for someone besides myself (I hear that you also feel this way about your husband and your daughters). Maybe with the brain drain that comes with having children (at my age, anyway) I felt that I didn't have any more brain cells to spare. Or maybe I just knew that I never wanted a hangover to get in the way of my life with my family......
....Anyway, somehow, alcohol just let go of me. I really believe that it was through the grace of God. It was not a struggle, just one day realized that alcohol no longer held any sort of magical appeal. I could have a glass or two of wine or beer and stop. I could have a glass or two three nights in a row and then not even feel like it again for 6 months.
This is what I wish for you - that your God, whom you obviously love so much - will help take away the desire to binge and purge. That is what I hear in your blog - that you are absolutely ready and willing to have this burden taken from you - and to do any work that may need to be done to succeed.
Your email meant very much to me, also. Please let me know if you would prefer me to respond to you via email or privately. Otherwise, I will continue to read your blog and yes, root for you. It is just so obvious to me that you are poised on the brink of the rest of your life (as I was at 37? - maybe that is the connection). Anyway, I am turning 50 in March and can promise you that life just keeps getting better and better.
As for any damage you may have done to your body... our bodies are so amazing and capable of healing with some love and respect. If I have healed my body from all of those years of drinking (and I have - I am very healthy), your body can heal also. Love yourself (and yes, be gentle with yourself). It is okay to be strong, yet fragile. A gift that women have been given, I think.
Love, love, love to you.
Marie
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luvjoy
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