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Finding my way to myself...
by b2reflect

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  • I realized in my efforts to clean myself,   by  b2reflect     15 y     1,960       5 Messages Shown       Blog: Finding my way to myself...
    I forgot to back off from others. What I mean about this is I allowed myself to get involved into something that is not useful in my cleansing myself.

    I allowed my energy to enter into another's chaos. As well, it took a toll on my psyche. Then today I followed up on it, to a degree. As I was reading all the opinions and 'truths' and defenses of others, I could FEEL myself be sucked into the chaos. I could FEEL myself get tense and possibly the tension or bitterness or pure disdain that the poster (EDIT: not any one specific poster, from all that I read) was feeling for the other posters. (Sigh) I just released it.

    I cannot take on healing myself and allowing other negative energies to enter into my being. I have been told I am empathic. I have resisted this and yet too many times in the past couple weeks, it has come forth to prove itself in me. I am not certain if I find joy in this discovery, yet it is apparently who I am. So, whether there is joy or not, I must accept Me in every facet of Myself. This may sound jumbled and I accept that, because it is flowing from a place to be let go of. I am writing to release what I need to. If you are reading and see this as nonsense, so be it. It is mine.

    I have not been doing my cleanse/fast/healing that I initially planned this week. Although, I have been taking the supplements, so while I am not eating (or in this case, abstaining from eating) as planned, I am getting some of the benefits.

    I have realized in the past day or so, (just from the full force of what I am allowing into my life) that I am searching outside of me. I know how to go within. I have continued to fight against going within. I know it is due to being frightened of seeing the Truth, that I have pushed from myself time and again.

    I have a friend who has told me that I keep searching from others because I choose to hide my Power. I am a healer. WOW~! OH WOW! I have not truly ever acknowledged that statement. It has frightened me much of recent. Yet, it is who I am. It is who I desire to become. It is my time to accept and receive this fully.

    I am writing because I have to put these in words and not have someone judge me. My friends are there. Except I do not feel comfortable in telling them what I just wrote. Although, today I realized I do have a very good friend who is willing to accept me as I am. I told her about an experience and she asked about me being empathic, I said yes. She accepted it...no bars hold. She accepted Me. Now it is time for me to accept Me.

    In my TaiChi-ChiKung class, I feel so much energy flowing through me and I had fought against it, not anymore. The class begins again tomorrow. I begin again tomorrow to truly intregate what I am learning and how it helps me to Heal Myself. Within a week, I will also do some sort of cleanse to Heal my body, as well. Yet this class, I learn how to heal my body and mind, as one. I know I am interconnected with God and He can heal me also. So, with His assistance and my teacher and myself, I will come back to Me.

    I saw this quote yesterday. I do not know who to give credit to. I like it and I think it will be one of my mantras. I am sure we all could benefit from remembering this.

    "~Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of
    battle~"

    Peace to all and through all,
    Beth
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    • Re: I realized in my efforts to clean myself,   by  #67299     15 y     776
      inspiring, good luck and i many times feel too as if curezone is one big nasty entity that has a sucking tendency on me as well. there is alot of good info but the discussions and maybe even the communications between people are too much of a dark spirit. this might be the case simply because most people on curezone are so aware of themselves that it is more of a problem on this site
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    • Lovely...   by  UserX     15 y     870
      ...all of it...very lovely...and very POWERFUL!

      Funny how there is so much sense in nonsense, huh?!

      Thank you.
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    • Re: I realized in my efforts to clean myself,   by  Liora Leah     14 y     1,745
      OMG BETH! Again, you are such a mirror for me! My eyes are bugging out of my head! You make perfect sense!!

      I have been told I'm "a sensitive" who picks up on others' feelings, and this can be a benefit if I'm in a positive spiritual environment or a negative if there are angry, fearful, tense feelings from others; can feel other's pain in my heart and feel it in my body and just within this past year am realizing it is other's pain I feel at times and not my own. Been told I hide my power by seeking "Truth" from others rather than from MySelf/Inner knowing. Been told I have "healing hands", didn't believe it at first, but so want to be this, and imagine in my darkest moments that I never will be. Been reluctant to tell others for fear of what they may think of me, may think I'm nuts or egoic or whatever, been afraid to acknowledge it to myself, wasted much time and energy wanting to not be what I am. Get stuck in stagnation. Deny Spirit access to my mind and heart, crave letting Spirit in, get frustrated with myself and Spirit!

      Thank you so much for your blog! thank you so much for telling your Truth! I feel less alone, truly. Blessings to you on your healing journey! Liora





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      • Re: I realized in my efforts to clean myself,   by  b2reflect     14 y     1,534
        Liora,

        yesterday I told a friend, she might think I am nuts but I have had my grandmother 'visit' me. I told her I knew because when she 'appeared' she was smoking. I tell her she has to stop and then I 'talk'. I have not had a 'visit' from my grandmother in some time now. I was telling her though that either it was my grandmother and I was not interested in visiting so didn't ask OR it was from my cellular body. I was doing a sitz bath and kept smelling smoke?! At any rate, the friend did not say yea or nay!...LOL

        "Been told I have "healing hands", didn't believe it at first, but so want to be this, and imagine in my darkest moments that I never will be. Been reluctant to tell others for fear of what they may think of me, may think I'm nuts or egoic or whatever, been afraid to acknowledge it to myself, wasted much time and energy wanting to not be what I am."

        You open yourself to yourself. You will feel all kinds of things, so very cool! As for others, thinking you are nuts or whatever, LOL, they already think I am, soooo. Although, I will not tell all of them. In my Tai class, I was practicing on the instructor on Sunday and I did something to direct the energy towards him and he said he could feel it! I thought way cool! It was not intense...YET..but he could feel it~!

        It is not always easy to be who we are, yet it makes life much easier if we become who we are. As I mentioned to Laura (Sandover), in reply to her post, there is a book called "What you think of me, is not my business" or something like that. I have not read it but I love that title! Maybe it might be of interest to you? So, that you can let go of other's thoughts?

        Have an awesome Wednesday, Liora!

        Peace and Blessings,
        Beth
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