I didn't starve afterall... Disturbance gets more food, and lets go of the anger. (Some of it.) Feel free to comment!

Date:   7/23/2007 2:41:10 PM ( 17 y ago)

The blinding clowd of rage has passed. But it did affect my sleep majorly. I texted my housemate's brother, a good friend of mine, to come to the tavern with me tonight (we're not gonna drink of course, I'm there only for the raffle), but am yet expecting a reply.

The first three days of the fast went relatively painlessly, except maybe for yesterday, with all that anger, and I actually found myself a nano-second into taking a bite of something a couple of times, before realising I can't. I've been seeing dreams about eating, too. Yesterday I was really fed up with the whole stupid fast again, especially when I've been expecting more instantly visible results of ANY kind. Now that I'm at the half-way line it's obvious that I can't quit any more. But the lack of support and anyone to talk to (I don't have many mates) is really getting to me at times. Also living with so many people without any understanding about what I'm going through - at first I thought it was funny too, yeah laugh at me I can't have the cakes and steaks, I'll show ya, I'm strong - but now I'm just pissed off that there's no sensitivity towards me here. Yesterday I felt like I'm making huge sacrifices for no reason at all. Hopefully I'll get an energy boost or SOMETHING by the end of the week, so that I can say this was worthwhile! Based on my experiences so far, I'm not going to go for the month-long fast at all. All my respect to those who've done it, especially them who actually had to cook for their needy greedy families too (why can't they cook their own food when you make the effort to look after yerself?!), I thought it's only a matter of self-restriction, but it's oh so much more. I might not be tough enough yet.

My housemate just came home from work (0930) for my surprise, and sheepishly suggested whether we should go shopping. I just grumpily asked him to wait please while I vent my feelings here. ;) I'm glad he asked, although I had already arranged to meet a friend and go shoe-shopping for walking sandals (my old ones broke), I could've bought veggies on that trip although it would've meant that I had to carry about 20 kilos of stuff all the way from the train station, which is a good 20-minute walk even without baggage... Well. All is good now. Let's forget the past. Let's go food shopping.

***************

No shoes, didn't get to see my friend, so my thongs will have to do till next week.

I tried to solve our argument with my housemate, but I should've known to just drop it. Things got worse, and now we're not very happy with each other. But I got my juicing done allright, it should be enough till Saturday. It's frustrating how much money I have to spend on all this juicing, and due to lack of massive storage in a cool place, I can't keep buying in rediculous bulk, and as I don't have enough bottles and jugs I couldn't juice it all at once anyway, so I won't be surprised if I have to go shopping in the weekend for a bit more of juicing goods, as well as stuff that I can digest easily early next week.

I'm not going to have a whole week's soft landing into solids as my flight to Cairns is on Friday morning, and if they offer any food on the short flight, I will gladly have it. Also, my boyfriend will - guaranteed - want to celebrate us being back together again, so I suppose I can't refuse a few Bundy&Cokes... Hopefully my tummy won't disagree with that too much.

Yep, like expected, I haven't been hungry today. I've still kept on my normal intake of juice and water. But between me waking up at around 0900 and getting my shopping and juicing done at around 1330, I didn't feel any discomfort at all! And now that my housemate's not around, I found myself wondering why I was ever on a grumpy mood at all! The night at the tavern should be good as well, however it goes, so slowly but steadily I'm moving towards the weekend!

***************

My housemate didn't make it home all night, so it was good I was prepared and had called his brother to take me to the tavern. They had a raffle on a cool Hyundai Getz, and I was one of the key winners! It was super exciting, I had been waiting for this night for some two months, since they first called me I'm a lucky draw winner. I really need a car! And it's only because of this night that I've delayed my moving to Cairns with a whole month, and I've studied manically for my road rules test which, luckily, I passed just two days before this big night. So yeah expectedly disappointed that my good friend the housemate didn't bother to be there. But I didn't win anyway, so it wasn't a big deal in the end, and I was excited enough to see the car go for a poor Kiwi family with four kids, so a good night altogether.

I did have a hot chocolate while waiting and I was so nervous I didn't even realise what I was doing until I had had the first sip. But my tummy seemed to ok with that. Only my throat got weirdly scratchy later on, but it passed. I got my very first driving lesson in real traffic from my friend which was very exciting, and later on he had quite a few drinks with another housemate of mine while watching Talladega Nights on DVD, and I didn't even have the temptation to join in, I just enjoyed my time with them on the sofa. So all good. Got to bed too late, but it's Australia Day tomorrow, for crying out loud...! Didn't get to do the enema either, but that'll be fixed tomorrow morning.

 

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