Day 1 again, not a shocker, but dissapointed

Date:   8/23/2006 3:28:35 AM ( 18 y ago)

I'm not shocked by no means, but it hurts me to know that I am truly an alcoholic and that when it comes to choice, it is so hard mentally, that I give in. I can say this... my insides did not like it at all. I think that there might be more damage than I first thought. I felt really bad today and I don't consider that wine a lot of alcohol, but still it put my body through a lot to process it.
Yeah, I'm human but I don't plan on giving up. This blog is something new for me and even if it doesn't help me quit totally it has already had a huge impact in just 22 days. I really enjoy the feedback that I am receiving and I'm glad to see that I'm not in this alone. It is a scary thing. Last night before I drank my girlfriend told me that she could never go back to me drinking like I was after she saw the difference in me in 21 days. I was so stupid to go to the liquor store to get a bottle with a cork so I could make my Kombucha Tea.
Here is a little about the Kombucha Tea if you are wondering. Without getting very deep it is made with a culture and you let it brew for like 5-10 days then bottle it with a sealed container. It taste good and supposedly has lots of health benefits. I love it! This is why I needed a cork or even better a Grolsch beer bottle with the cap that seals to keep it from getting any air. I did go to walmart 2 times yesterday before I went to the liquor store later that night. I really thought I was going to pour it out. How foolish? It is like a little man in my head was making me believe that, and the whole time he knew what he was doing. It's sick! It makes me almost want to vomit because it was really careless. I even told my girlfriend to drink it if she wanted but she just ended up going to sleep. Nothing but stupidity went into the liquor store idea. Now I have a bottle and have my Kombucha is getting ripe in it so I have no excuse to go back into a liquor store.
It comes down to eliminating things that I am so used to doing. Thought patterns, emotions, feelings, hunger, etc. all play a part in this addiction. I have to train my body to a completely different lifestyle that it refuses to accept. I am going to be as strong as possible. I am not going down without a fight no matter what.
Today I didn't drink so I am going forward instead of backwards!


 

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