quitting morphine for chronic pain people is a special agony

Date:   9/7/2007 2:17:42 AM ( 17 y ago)

Chronic pain conditions like Fibromyalgia are considered "modern illnesses" in that they are new to the human experience because possible causes include the toxins and conditions of the 20th and 21st Centuries.

This is certainly not to say that pain is new to humans, or even long term pain conditions. We heard about Job in the bible talking of his aching sinews, and that was a long long time ago.

However, the modern human organism has been exposed to some pretty novel challenges that affect the "map of the brain-body" where almost anything can happen. Neurological defects are not well understood yet, and neither are the interactions of that system and substances known are neurotoxins. The relationship seems obvious though - basic air pollution and exposures to pesticides, radiation from TVs, this computer I am using right now, cell phones and other electric gadgets, and even the constant electro-magnetic fields that our vehicles produce [where we do spend a lot of time] go a long way to explaining why some people are having "chronic pains".

Some of those victims of chronic pain have been given opiate painkillers, like morphine. It is not generally considered an appropriate treatment, but when all other solutions fail to bring relief to the most pain-full Fibro patients, doctors have prescribed morphine to them. Sometimes it actually saves their lives because suicide becomes a very real threat when pains continue unabated for years on end, and are increasing, and no hope is on the horizon. Sometimes opiate therapy is appropriate, and provides a much-improved quality of life for several years.

Opiates are highly addictive, and not just addictive but a "chemical dependancy" because our bodies have special receptors that respond to opiates and we need to keep taking the drug or face the chemical withdrawal symptoms. Humans and opiates have grown up together, evolved together, over at least 100,000 years and perhaps millions of years if we consider our 'pre-human' history [genetic history]. This has allowed opiates to "get to know us" and like all life, they find ways to be usefull to other lifeforms to ensure their survival. Addictive properties of opiates are similiar to 'berries that taste good' so animals will eat them and thereby spread their seeds...

But I digress [interesting though eh?] - The point I want to make is that not many people with chronic pains have gone through the withdrawals from morphine. At least, not much research has been done to see how they are affected differently than other morphine addicted people. There are no special protocols for dealing with the agony of withdrawals in fibro patients. We are the guinea pigs.

yes, "WE". As in "ME". I may have mentioned this factoid before... I am a morphine addict... chemically dependant on the opiates. Allmost all of my morphine has been prescribed to me by doctors, and I have been very diligent in staying with the program, taking it on schedule and 'as directed'.

I have been trying to quit the morphine this past week. Being fed up with what little help there is out there for addictions, I am doing it on my own. I had some improvements in my pain levels in the past few years, and so I want to see what life is like without the morphine. I might be risking a return of full-blown Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue syndrome, but I want to do it anyhow.

What I have noticed is that the pains get worse when I get cold - all addicts get this coldness when withdrawals start in ernest. Also, after a few days of serious reductions and trying to kick it 'cold turkey' [but failing to see it through] I have become very tired, which is another trigger for pains in Fibros. Stress will increase our pains too. The Brain-body map is finding ways to hurt me too, getting pains in one spot sends pains all over my body - I bumped my shin and my foot hurts, and it goes into my back and then up to my neck.

This might be a factor of 'whatever causes Fibromyalgia' combining with withdrawal symptoms. This might be new ground. The doctors refuse to entertain such ideas of course. My imagination is likely working overtime too. The pains are real enough!!

I sweat, I shit, I puke, I cum, I piss and moan and my nose runs a lot. I sneeze. I have a chant that I use to keep me focused: "CrapPukeSweatCumSnotPiss", and I repeat it over and over so it seems normal to do them all. {yes, it is common for addicts in withdrawals to have abnormal amounts of seminal fluids flowing, its not sexua| but there is an erection, maybe from horemones or maybe from the pains, although I am not a masochist]. More than you wanted to know perhaps? Ha ha, who cares at this stage.

I really want this though - I keep reminding myself of that. I could have a new lease on life. I recently turned 50 yrs old, and it seems like the 2nd half of life is beginning now, and I want to make the most of it. I have been taking morphine for 15 years now - enough!! In all that time, I have only run out a few times, and only for a day or two. Three times before this I have tried to quit it, and failed.


Some of the ways I have learned to cope with pain are helping me in this battle. I use meditation to stay focused and calm during the storms of pain. I use yoga to ease the pains, and sometimes I sit in the lotus position to distract me from the withdrawal pains because I hurt in the lotus position due to a mis-alinged right leg. I have played music really loud, and I have some good friends and a son who is pure gold to talk to. I have a quote about pain and suffering that I repeat a lot: "Pain and Suffering are not the same thing - Suffering is our REACTION to pain, and we can CHOOSE to not suffer". Whatever gives me another hour before caving in...


I am failing though. Mostly it is the terrible gut pains that do me in, bloating so badly that I cannot breathe very well, my heart can be seen pumping near the sternum [inferior vena cava]. Death is very rare though, and pain is just pain, I feel I am lacking courage. Breathing problems are the most panicy feeling of all - we can live without water or food for a long time, but air is needed every few minutes or we do die.

In the past week I have been using only a fraction of the morphine I was used to. I can take that forwards even if I do not manage to quit, at least I will get something out of it.


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[ps - I can write this now only because I "came up for air" and took some morphine a few hours ago, but otherwise I could not even turn the computer on ]


 

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