lenten devotion to riding myself of sexual guilt and psychic pain

Date:   3/1/2006 7:51:08 AM ( 18 y ago)

I decided to give up television for lent. Not that I watch television so much but it would carve out more time for me to read my books. http://43things.com is an excellent resource. I've listed a number of things I want to do and reading as many books as possible is one. Besides I want to use this time to cleanse and purify my brain spiritually and psychically. I've begun repeating longevity affirmations to myself and they are working.

I find that I'm not able to tolerate arguments like I used to. For instance, I had a very mild falling out with my sister and I felt a negative vibration within so I made my warmed lemonade and went upstairs. I also posted to a message board and felt an anger within me rise up. I totally expected things to come up during lent. It's what I intended.

I'm using this lenten season to address many deep seated issues within myself. Number one is addressing the lingering issues with my 'ex'. I no longer consider him to be an ex-boyfriend since I don't believe he was ever a boyfriend to begin with. I'm getting a gyno exam this friday to see if I'm healthy. If I had stayed a virgin, I would not have this problem but I hated myself so much, hated everything about who and what I am that I allowed this great deception and willingly did whatever he wanted. I allowed someone to twist my mind from 3000 miles away and my goal is to figure out how that happened. The more time I spend with my fiance, the less I remember about meeting R*y but sometimes I get a short time of guilt and depression.

Another thing I wanted to address is my spiritual condition. Today is Ash Wednesday and I'm going for ashes. I started going to church again a while back but I want to make confession a regular habit. I am saying a rosary every day for this lenten period. It's not a rosary novena but almost as long. A rosary novena is 54 days long. I guess I could extend it for ten days. I bid on a douay rheims bible, just as poetic as the King James but it's bible of Roman Catholics which means it has the apocrypha included. One of my lenten goals is to get into regular bible reading and memorisation.

Last and CERTAINLY not least is to define and perfect my psychic/metaphysical prayer life which would include meditation and listening to my DNA cd's and making use of my mind machine. I want to get rid of things that haven't worked and keep/study things that do. Chanting isn't for me so I don't do it anymore. I like candle gazing, putting a quartz crystal on my forehead (haven't done that one in a while) and using magnets for power and energy. This is far departure from what I used to do as a witch years ago. I'm not going to begrudge someone their lifestyle but witchcraft isn't for me now. I've rediscovered the Catholic faith and it's just a matter of rounding things out. I used to think church was boring but I find that focusing on God and not on the people around me does wonders for my attention span.

I will post the second half of this Day One Lent message this evening.

 

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