I'm unemployed once again but I'm still alive

Date:   1/11/2006 10:20:31 PM ( 18 y ago)

Yes I was fired from my job today. A co-worker reported me for taking something from her department and going to the back with it. I was going to the back to go the bathroom and get my card and didn't know this was against rules. I was stunned someone would rat me out for something that wasn't true, esp. since I paid for the item. Words can't describe how I felt, except to say that the level of stress I experienced as I was being dismissed was EXCEPTIONALLY PAINFULLY PHYSICALLY. I had to summon all the strength I had to drive myself home. I wanted to drive my car into the rightside divider. I wasn't suicidal but just so beyond angry, I was totally full of rage. Full of rage and hate, not only for being ignorant of an important company rule but also because I got ratted out by an unpleasant woman, my supervisor just standing there with a shitfaced grin on her face,etc. I most angry that I didn't have control of my emotions enough to explain myself and ask for a second chance. I'm angry that I allow myself to become so attached to a job that I think a job actually needs me. I also have very high expectations of people as well. I treat people with the level of respect and devotion that I want for myself. It's just natural for me.

Anyway, I know there are lessons to be learned in all this. First, is not to make mistakes and expect to be given a second chance. I'm not sure about people. I don't want to become disgruntled about trusting people. I'm not going to give in to it.

I did go and buy A LOT of distilled water and lots of greens with citrus fruits. I'm going on a green juice/wheatgrass/kombucha tea fast. No more starbucks, no more scones,etc. Maybe this is all in the grand plan. It's about five months out from my wedding anyway and I need to get cracking :-)

 

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