some notes on a warm afternoon

Date:   11/5/2005 2:14:15 PM ( 19 y ago)

I was reading another zoner's blog about this issue of 'living to eat vs. eating to life'.

I know that I've struggled with food, food addiction and perfectionism in diet a lot myself. I've reached a plateau in my development and for a while was getting worried that I'd start regressing. Yet, I know that worrying about regressing, worrying about not fitting into my dress, worrying about getting old before my time, will bring these things on more. I've looked back through my last few journal entries and can see where the self doubt began creeping back in.

Today someone complimented me on my appearance, something I'm not used to but better get used to it. My fiance has radically changed my opinion about myelf and my appearance.

Little by little I am uncovering that thousand petal lotus I set out to discover, that person I was always meant to be. I am just glad I can share this with you. I am glad that I have some place where I can document my struggles with food and struggle to be healthy. I know it should not be a struggle. I must become like a beautiful bamboo or a reed in the wind, bending with the wind but not getting snapped in two. I am returning to all the things I knew before that worked and am discovering they still work. All the meditations, all the wonderful creative visualisations,etc. reading the bible and chanting through the rosary were things I used to do and they gave me peace about myself (which was extremely rare at the time).

More on this soon. Today is such a beautiful day and my car is getting clean (finally!). I managed to fast for four hours today and not eat too much cooked foods, NO COFFEE! hence no coffee headache. Take care.


 

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