Up in the middle of the night. writing out my energy,

Date:   4/20/2007 6:34:18 AM ( 17 y ago)

3:47 AM
April 20, 2007


Thanks for cyberhug, ren!
Very sweet of you.


http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=2232


Wasn't sleeping well, so I got up.

Ate some Turkey last night from Von's
with their organic catsup. Great!
What a combo with Philip and Susan coming
from the Gabriel Cousen's Tree of Life for the weekend.

They are doing something at the San Diego Earth Fair
and so called for a place to stay for the weekend.
I am about 20 minutes from Balboa Park.

I saw Philip and Susan a few years ago, but they
have never visted here. Gabriel and his lovely wife
Shanti have.

We did an Essene Ecstatic Mystical Gathering up
at Madre Grande Monastary.

That was when I really got pissed at Kevin Ryerson,
and have not really let that go.

I do not feel he apologized adequately for backing
out of our event two or three weeks before it was scheduled.
Can you imagine that??????

And then I got a note for the Mrs Ryerson...
something like "Kevin does not feel his presence is needed.
He would rather save himself for the Essene gatherings
at Gabriel's place down the road..." Something like that.
Can you believe it?

No personal call. No answering of my calls for more communication.

Just same ol same ol Kevin, the super duper channel.

Do you understand righteous anger?

I do not have too much anger.

Judith is wanting to teach me to get a better understanding
well I am being mistreated.

I lean toward Chesed, lovingkindness on the Tree of Life
Kabbalistic Sepherot. Gevurah is the balance, and when
they both balance you have Tiferet, beauty.
Tiferet is also heart centered in the body on the Tree.

Between Passover and Shuvout, a seven week period,
we move down the Kabbalistic Tree. Their is a meditation
for each day, an affirmation. I like Rabbi Ted Falcon's
book about this and use it everyday. It is called
"A Journey of Awakenting." You not have to be Jewish
to being Kabbalah. Pagan love it. Christians love it.
IT is just plain old good medicine.

Did get a call from Joe the Farmer last night before bed.
We talked for about 15 minutes.

He said he was putting out fires all day.

I called him twice. Once he called me "Mr Goldman."
I know something is up when he does that.

He coached me about something I said at the FM
last Sunday. I was telling David, the FM Manager,
that we were going to start an FM down the street at
Whole Foods Hillcrest on Saturday. I did not see it
from David's point of view...the bottomline.

There you go.

This could be potentially a loss of busines for David,
but as I see was seeing it, San Diego needs as much
locally grown food as it can get and outlets.

The FM on Sunday was so packed that Dani, a delightful
new helper, was turning to Joe and asking,
"Where did all these people come from???????"

It was non-stop.

I showed up.

I showed up early, for the first time ever.

The business was non-stop.

Oh well, I likely did not have anything to do with that,
but it was interesting to be a witness to the massive of
people coming.

The week before, Easter Sunday...everyone at the Rodriguez stand
was gloom. They prepared a ton of food and flowers. It was raining.

Great. Good Friday weather on Easter Sunday.

Papa Joe and the whole family was there. It was raining,
then a few clouds. Joe Jr was short on words too that day.
I said, "Joe, do you want a little sunshine?????"

"O,K. here it is!" They it came. The clouds broke where I was standing.

Joe came over to where I was. He was still gloomy.
The Sun went away.

In my Soul Mate want ad, the old one I did in 1987, It says something
like "Good to have around when you want a sunny day."

Sometimes I think, in my egoistical mode,
that "they" should may be a salary to be happy.

I get happy over the simplest pleasures of life, like a hug
or feeling loved.

Isn't that the truth for many of us, if we are just telling the truth?

Twin Soul/Best Friend...
The part of me that is pissed wishes she would just wake up and realize
she has thrown out the best lover and totally best man she ever had in
her life.

She will admit to that. She knows that.

That is something to blog about in my new blog
"Heart's Desire." I want to leave my rated x stuff
for there.

I mean this woman was/is adored from the top of her head to the bottom
of her toes, from lips to lips if you get my drift.

This is a woman who was listened to whenever she needed to be heard.

This is a woman who could take three months off when she wanted to
for whatever spiritual pursuit or health issue she needed.

And she was wanting to cut off the sex so she could be a couple
with someone else????

Please. I would have been satisfied with her for at least another
seven years.

Gosh, yesterday was very hard.

There were a couple spots where I was seeing such success coming in.

Don't you just love to share that with someone you love when you are overflowing
with Grace?

Then, I started to feel her.
She called me unexpectedly the other night.

She said it was a mistake. She meant to dial another number.
I had asked her to give me space, but once I heard her voice.
I shifted energy and was willing to hear her. That turned into
a couple of hours of listening. She wanted to express how upset
she was reading my blog about her. Toward the end, after she was heard,
she said, that what I was writing was true. She said she is not
going to be reading any more of my blogs. It is just too much for her
and upseting. That is guite understandable.

Blogging is the way I get everything out of my system

I am made to blog. It gives me a feeling that maybe there is some one
other person who is listening to be, being my witness.

I have a lot of abandonment issues, so at least I am leaving a record
here of my step by step process.

I am writing for one other person, one person who is hurting, one
other person who was where and may be where I was once, totally crippled.

That was how I felt about Twin Soul/Best Friend.

I felt we were of the same fabric. We still are, of course,
there is no getting away from that.

How do you not love a part of you that appear outside of you,
but is a duplicate mirror of you? It is much easier that loving
yourself when you have self-abandonment issues.

All immune system issues in my perception are to some degree
self rejection. All disease to some degree is self rejection.

We have to be open to the bug before the bug is accepted.

That is why Mother Teresa etc could go into sickness and not get sick.
She wasn't open to invasion. She was there for giving, for soul
work. The soul is in perfection.

Summon the Soul, and you have God in and out of you.

O.K. I think I can sleep now.

I felt better once Joe called me.

Whole Foods?

Geesus.

The ad that they paid for--the $600 ad--is no where up in the store
when I went in there on Wednesday. I take responsibility for that.
I dropped the ball.

I went South for two weeks due to my response to the our April Fool's
Crisis and needing to process Twin Soul/Best Friend +
The EG Mobile...

Good God, EZ had her in the shop for more than ten days!
Ten days without a Vehicle, having to depend on others.

Then, I get her back. guess what?

The day after, I can feel something was wrong.
She was starting to die on me. Pretty makeover on the outside,
still internal stuff going on???

$1000.00 for safety issues.
$200.00 for new tires.
$178.00 for new mirrors
$68.00 mirrors I still need to return.

$20.00 for semi natural chrome polish

and still I am having dying out?

Gosh.

I took her to Mike. He turns up the carb one half turn
and sends me on my way.

I go down the road. I come to a stop.

dead.
I mean dead.

I am in the middle of traffic.
I get out, and signal the two guys in back of me.

They get out and push me into a driveway.

IT is a car fix it place.

I look up. A car pulls in in back of me.

In the drivers seat is The Dancer. My lover before M and before Twin Soul/Best
Friend. She lives in L.A. and here she is in back of me.

I start the engine. It starts. Then I look up again, the lady in the car
is no longer The Dancer. It is someone else.

Go explain that one.

The Dancer is an Aries, like Jensen. Start energy.

Then I calmed down. I started to drive again.

I had a choice...Trust and turn right to Home Depot, or go home.

I Trusted all would be O.k.

I sent to Home Depot and bought a replacement tool for the one
that David White lost of mine while gardening.

My favorite Racket lost. I will get another at the Del Mar Fair in June.

I also bought three new soaker hoses. The plants wanted them,
and the avo tree. (Leslie...hook it up, please!!!!0

I was driving out of Home Depot. I turned on the engine.
It worked. A little boy looked at me and said something bout
the EG Mobile. I turned on the engine again.

IT would not start.

It would not start.

It would not start.

I called Western Towing.

I called Mike.

He was not working for the weekend:

The Weekend?

THis was the weekeng when I really needed the EG Mobile.

Sat was the Local Vendors Day.
Sunday was the Whole Foods 10th Anniverary.

Vehicalless...????

Gosh.

I called Joe.

He came and got me on the way to Whole Foods Saturday.

It was perfect.

Sunday...I got a ride down to The FM. It was windy.

I was out of my body. I caught a cold.

That was the day of the rush of people, last Sunday.

Doug gave me a ride to the FM. Doug is a housemate.

I got there early.

Then, Jinean got me to Whole Foods down the street.

I arrived with my basket.

Carolyn has said the day before she would have the flyers
promoting our event at the checkstands.

She says first thing, "Don't ask me for anything."

She was swamped. I backed off.

The berries had no signage worth speaking about.

I did not even realize that day to say anything about our event
ad being no where.

I was stunned, and somewhat in shock.

Anna came after three and drove me home.

I am feeling thirsty now.

Monday, Western Tow came and took the EG Mobile down again.

Mike worked a number of hours.

$83.00.

What was wrong?

Wiring.

THE MAIN POWER SOURCE connection.
a small piece of wiring connecting the front end,
Lights, etc with the battery was replaced
and RENEWED.

Good work....

The Truth...on the way down to Mike's on Friday, I wanted
to do three things, and I was upset and yelling.

I likely brew the wiring.

O.k. better then than this weekend,
when there are 25,000 copies in print that she will
be in our Exhibit.

Friday--April 20.

Two days before her Debut and the lauching of
the Rodriguez Ranch Buy Back, Earth Day
at the San Diego Earth Fair.

Only so many hours to work.

Philip and Susan...

They will be o.k. among the Tortilla chips and
Sonia's Papa John's Pizza container.

The folks from the Tree can use a little enlightenment.

(O.K. what does not mean? Spiriual lesson #60438...
Let me know how this can be possible...???
comment please...homework}

more later...

Back to bed, Leslie.

Focus...on priority.
Clear your desk.

o.k.

goodnight.

 

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