Ordeal sparks creativity I am reading here. That is my experience this morning, but I am so very tired.

Date:   3/14/2006 3:33:59 PM ( 18 y ago)

Feeling down right at the moment.
Likely because I am very tired.
It makes me miss A Special Person.
I am distancing to refind my boundaries.
This morning I woke up from have weathered
another ordeal of days past.

"Oh My God!" I said
as it dawned on me that there was another
person out there who I truly care about.
I hadn't hardly thought of her at all during
the last 24 hours. It dawned on me what
stress and hardship she might be going through
right now.

I feel back to sleep. The next think I knew
I was over there at her bedside, crawling in to give her a body
hug. Then I woke up suddenly and slapped my self back.
I felt I did not belong there.

It reminded me of a poem from my book
"God is Also Rated X."

I think there is a childlike part of us that loves.
It does not understand boundaries.
It must loves. It knows the pain of others who we love.
It cannot fathom separations, or why they might be necessary
for other kinds of sanity.

I am feeling tired. I wish I had a friend to call for some
juice right now.

I want to get in this scholarship application for
the Creativity and Madness Conference in Santa Fe.

I decided to do a little research on the web
and found a very powerful chart of people who
likely had mood disorders. Some of our greatest
writers are likely to have created from this mind of
tag line definition.

You can see that list here:
http://www.gt-cybersource.org/Record.aspx?NavID=2_0&rid=11429


IT is very clear that I could have a major lift through
associating with Barry Panter and this community
of sensitive Medical folk who study the Arfist personality.

They do these conference all over the world.
Can you imagine what a lift that would be for me?

Why am I feeling down in this moment?
Can I blame it on Mercury Retrograde
that last until the 25th?
Can I blame in on wanting to accomplish and meet
obligations and being so distracted in recent days?

And now, where am I?
The storm may have passed, but I am watching
a pattern in recent months of repeated storms
and stepping myself into Cracks through something
I myself have initiated. Maybe they needed come up,
these energies, to get to the next place.

I did do some important work this morning.

I so miss a community at home right now,
and friendships that I can count on. I miss emotional intimacy
and familarity.

I feel some comfort in seeing this paragraph
about the poet John Berryman in this article here
about Creativity, the Artist, and Madness.

John Berryman for example, described the role of pain in his work.

I do strongly feel that among the greatest pieces of luck for high achievement is ordeal. Certain great artists can make out without it..., but mostly you need ordeal—My idea is this: The artist is extremely lucky who is presented with the worst possible ordeal which will not actually kill him. At that point, he's in business. Beethoven's deafness, Goya's deafness, Milton's blindness, that kind of thing. And I think that what happens in my poetic work in the future will probably largely depend not on my sitting calmly on my ass as I think, 'Hmm, hmm, a long poem again? Hmm', but on kinds of other things short of senile dementia. At that point, I'm out, but short of that, I don't know, I hope to be nearly crucified, (cited in Plimpton, 1976, p. 322)

http://www.gt-cybersource.org/Record.aspx?NavID=2_0&rid=11429

So let's get on with it, Leslie.
There is a whole world out there waiting for you to enjoy!
There is love for you out there!

[Sure, give me a break! I don't get it.]

Please, Goldman, just turn in the scholarship application
for this conference and let us do the work behind the scenes
for you.

[Good God, I am so disappointed.
Everything seems to be dissolving right now...
or being challenged. I can't stand in the world
as I have...]

1. Read a few more lines of this article.
2. Look up Barry Panter on the web.'
he is your soul ally.

Wouldn't you like to have your writing come out
and get out of this life among this list of
other writers who went through ordeal
as something that stimulated their creativity.

You can find your focus.
Please Leslie, just use your left brain too
to structure. We like what you did last night.
You did two major projects of writing during the night.

[But I am out of energy now....]

Look up Panter, the author of the book
"Creativity and Madness"
look over the application, and email it to him.

You are not alone.
we love you.

[o.k....]

#

Scholarship application:
http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=1298




 

Popularity:   message viewed 1380 times
URL:   http://www.curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=970933

<< Return to the standard message view