Felt some unexpected heart pain this morning... realized I was suppressing some feelings. Expressing feelings releases the material in our Cracks and brings us to wholeness.

Date:   3/12/2006 11:42:39 AM ( 18 y ago)

Woke up very early with lots of brilliant ideas,
and then feel asleep again. Realize I missed
an opportunity last night when sitting around
Kathy's home. Rina and Johnny were there,
and Kathy was cuddling with Moriah. We are all friends.
It would have been a good time to ask for
some cuddling and healing myself, but
I was not in touch with my feelings.

I have been very close to Kathy during the
last three or four months, but her attentionsand
affections have been on others most recently.

She is a big supporter of my love poems.

This morning I felt some deep heart pain.
It was very unexpected.

I felt satisfied sitting on the couch with
a new potential friend. I was watching the
dynamics of three couples being there
on the sofas, and I never realized that I
had deep suppressed feelings.

This morning they were right there.

I have know Rina for longer than she has known
her last two husbands. Every one was tired
last night, and excited about the party, but
this morning it feels like there was a missed opportunity
to connect my heart feelings with the withdrawal
of Kathy's physical touch.

I am noticing how fragmented my life is.
I am noticing how I am not always in the moment
with what I am feeling. I was so surprized this morning
to feel such deep pain in my heart. The energy
was blocked.

I am going to call Kathy and express myself.
She is a good friend.
I imagine Rina has left already to go back to LA.

Writing this now allows me to get in touch with these
feelings. I do not want buried emotions, stuck
in my body. So many of us are fragmented with
Cracks in our wholeness where we stuff the painful
unprocessed feelings that we have.

The Enchanted Garden is a name for the new earth
that can grow one person and plant at a time.
David Bohm, the physicist speaks about consciousness
being one unbroken wholeness in flowing movement.
The Enchanted Garden is a Consciousness of
wholeness coming into the world. Freeing up
the material in our Cracks, we are restored to wholeness.

I feel Blogs are an excellent place to express
our buried feelings. In my mind's eye, I am part
of a healing community in Curezone. Each time
any one of us heals, we all heal.

We don't know for sure who is reading our blogs,
but we are witnessing to each other's growth and development.

I once wrote a poem that I have repeated before.
Below are a few of the lines.

"I've made a decision not to hold back anything.
I've decided to tell everything I'm feeling,
not just the good stuff I'm feeling.
I've decided to share myself, all of myself.
We can't hold back our self form giving
until what we have to give is all sweet and clean.
It's the very act of given that sweetens and cleans
me."

This was written in various forms during
the 80's.

© 2006, Leslie Goldman, Your Enchanted Gardener



 

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