I am having a down moment. The energy today has been impactful, and I am questioning how I am using my time. I recognize that pushing through is important if you want to "Plant Your Dream!" Dealing with the discouragement I am feeling.

Date:   3/30/2005 8:32:03 PM ( 19 y ago)

I am about to push through. I want to take a moment to express the feelings because these are the same feelings that have kept me for succeeding many times.

These are the feeling that block me from being able to plant my own dreams.

I cannot say how many times I have felt very high, very in touch with my own spirit and inspiration, and then self esteem issues have come up, or questioning what am I doing?

Here I am realizing that in order to secure Jensen's former
Hidden Valley Health Ranch, it will take $1.5 million.
One of my Essene allies is willing to take out a loan for $1.5 million. My strategy is the get a few other allies to put up the other million, and then once the land is secured, take time to create an inspired campaign where many people will want to pitch in $5.00 or $10.00 to "own a piece of the Rock," to help a little bit of Mother Earth be preserved as a retreat center.

So here I am...quippling over nickles and dimes today.
Tom Wootton, the current owner, offered to give me $6.00 per person up to $600.00 for each person at the NPEW that I told about the sale of the land.

I was, as usual doing too many things. I reached about
$180.00 worth of the $600.00. I have not earned much money this year, and then there was the tremendous
expenses of attending the show. The room alone was
$289.00 for four nights.

So here I am, fulfilling my contract with Tom to send him copies of all the business cards I collected.

It took a lot of time today to scan in some images.

And meanwhile, how about my main obligation
to the Organic Trade Association. They have not
even seen the photos yet from the banquet?

And how about the invoices i am suppose to have
sent for another photo assignment I did?

Here I am Mr. Do too much at it again!!!!!!!

It reminds me of a dear old friend who would spend
hours just because her bank statement was off 1 cent.
Can you imagine that kind of waste of time? That is how I was feeling today, really questioning the use of my time.

Today, I hit a brick wall...maybe it is because of Mercury Retrograde..the energy time when things do not move
well, but no excuses...look at the lessons!!! Look at the lessons!!!

I have a need to raise $1 million. TIme is so precious.
Am I wastiing time going for $6.00? Am I wasting time
asking people at the show to call in so I can get credit toward the $600.00?

Then there was this email from Tom. He and his wife
deeply appreciated the Tour that I led at Jensen's on Saturday.

I had a stunning revelation while there.
I knew I was grieving the loss of my spiritual father, Jensen,
but I had not realized how deeply I was grieving the loss
of my relationship to this land.

I thought I might be able to do another tour within a month, but Tom is so busy with the opportunities to sell, that this does not seem workable. He is about using his precious time wisely and cutting to the chase. He only has so much time to see people.

So here I am processing these feelings. I was kicked out of the garden of Eden--this garden. I lost access, or so I thought when Dr.l Jensen died. I lost access to a piece of land that has been a major part of my life. In the last days, I have been feeling so much power, so much fulfillment
that the land was back.

And yet, there are many people who want to buy this land now. How successful can I be, a person who cannot even raise $6,00 per person, attempting to raise $1 million?

And what else am I not doing while I am doing this?
How about my other :"babies?" How about the Seven Love Cures that could be doing so much good in the world if I focused on that? How about all my other books that are sitting on shelves because when I reached the place of
emotional down times, I gave up?

Mark Victor Hansen--one of the master motivators of our time--tells the story of a miner who worked and worked
for years to find gold. He finally gave up. Then, another miner came and dug si x more feet. Guess what he found?
You guessed it...the motherload of gold.

My calls today just did not go as I had hoped. One person, who called Tom, told me that that was then. They did not feel it was appropriate to ask others in the office to call.

I kept making other calls, putting top quality time into it.

Finally one person actually called back, and I feel somewhat better.

But what is underneath all this, and am I going to keep giving up on my own dreams?

it means a lot that all you are out there. I have gone so long
writing and writing and writing for years, and despite countless opportunities stopping short of the motherload.

I hope we can all learn from my experience today.
how many times have you attempting to lose that pound,
given up to a piece of chocolate cake?
How many times have you felt discouraged and
not kept on keeping on?
How many times have you not kept the dream alive?

I am going to push through.
I am going to push through.

lesiie,
seeking the return of Your Enchanted Gardener

 

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