Resending resentment.

Date:   9/2/2016 9:52:13 AM ( 8 y ago)

December 14, 2023 - Unauthentic "Community" -

Although this blog-writer originally returned over fifteen years ago to live in "community" at what at that time was publicly known as: "The Enchanted Garden Intentional Community" (as published in the "Communities Directory" - last dates to TBD) after several years of the good faith efforts on the parts of shared contributions by himself and his housemates that were noted in several house meetings for the express purpose of forming our shared vision/mission statements - we discovered (much to our rude awakening) that this actually was not an authentic community! Consequently this writer's relationship at this place had to shift to the quintessential true nature of his work here that being an uncompensated "Live-In" help.

The cash value of his work to date amounts to about On Hundred Seventy Five Thousand United States Dollars. A bill was sent to the owners over a year ago that was never responded to! He now awaits funding for a common law course that will guide him through the remaining steps toward resolution on this issue.
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December 7, 2023 - Timing -

"...Who cares if hair is long or short or sprayed or partly grayed?
We know that hair ain't where it's at..." - March 4, 1968[5)*

About 56 days later -
"Hair: The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical" - April 29, 1968.
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November 11, 2023 - An unreasonable "enchantment" -

This "writer" is doing more work all without compensation at the "EG" than he has done in other situations where he had received:
A virtual Master Bedroom,
All of his food,
All utilities paid including phone, and internet access, plus $120 cash paid each week!
The above compensation was within range of a number of his previous live-in situations.

(Maybe it at least could be said - that he really did come 15 years ago just with the hope of a having a greater "community" experience. But after 15 years of doing his best to realize this hope without the basic compensation that he most truly had earned, at least for a rent-free "rentable room", he has finally exhausted his extremely long-suffering tolerance all the way through an unreasonable "enchantment.")
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June 1, 2022 -

"...Whenever someone accuses or condemns you unfairly, just tell yourself that this gives you the ideal conditions in which to grow stronger."[4]

Comment: This blog-writer finally has these words of wisdom that he can work with in regards to frequent irritable comments that have been added in reply to his messages of focused inquiry to an acting manager. He knows "The Second Agreement" however - somehow the "irritable comments" seem to have a burrowing effect that have been especially challenging to manage. (He's got to give himself additional work-related time in his work log - maybe under the "hat" of a therapist? ; ~ )
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May 28th, 2018 -

The following quote from the 25th Gene Key infuses this blog with the most meaningful insight that I could possibly hope for!

"The 25th Gene Key is the master key within the genetic codon group known as the Ring of Humanity. The 25th Gene Key is the core of your humanity. It is the irritation inside the oyster that eventually causes the formation of the pearl, and the pearl is acceptance. Acceptance is the grail that you are seeking. When you can finally accept everything in your life just as it is right now, you will have embraced the human wound. Acceptance comes in layers — layers upon layers - just like the tightly wound genetic double helix itself You have to relax these layers deep inside you so that you can feel the flow of love once more moving within your being. The more you can accept yourself and others, the more love will bloom in your life. It is beautiful and as simple as that."
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September 2, 2016 -

The words of wisdom for myself for September are:
"DON'T: Take on so much responsibility that you begin to feel resentful"

Actually this has been applicable to me for some time now. In fact the way the "resentment" often manifests in my body is via back pain. I feel the pain now. It increased after I took out a second extra heavy recycling bin that may have been too heavy for the other "fellow gardeners" to handle. I don't know. But the most direct way out to the street was blocked and I'm reasonably sure that is where resentment was easily triggered in me. And I think the triggering was at least somewhat if not entirely unconscious. Nevertheless now that I have made it this conscious I intend to at least give my self some EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

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September 20th -

The back pain is finally diminished to a minimal level of non-importance to me. I am grateful.

I see my "compulsion" to be responsible in this "garden" relevant to my Human Design. I have "The Channel of Community" that I believe is largely implicated here. This channel is described in part as:

".. Loyalty and hard work for the benefit of your family emerge from this facet of a Design. And there are bargains and trade-offs here. Each person has to feel adequately supported and honored. They will work hard for the tribes needs and they want to be acknowledged and rewarded for this. So they will work hard and then they want to play hard when the work is done."[1]

I have worked hard over the past eight years for my garden "family" however I have not felt "adequately supported and honored". I have had to do a lot of forgiving in this regards and holding the garden manager innocent of all my "charges". However the only way that I know of minimizing or possibly avoiding my resentment is by letting go of the lion's share of responsibilities I had assumed. Doing that now is beginning to feel good for me! It is also part of my Design to learn by trial and error. I have eight years of many trials and errors form which I have learned so much about what I am designed to be. This knowledge is absolutely priceless! I have earned it well!

November 23rd -

Back pain has returned plus varicose veins have become painful in left leg.

"The leg veins relate in particular to a ball-and-chain conflict, experienced as a limitation of the freedom to move. ... feeling shackled to a place, a job, a project, or a relationship can provoke the conflict."[2]

I immediately relate to "feeling shackled to a place"!

I thought I had resolved my conflict with the burden of responsibilities that I had continued to carry - associated with my back pain; however - although I did make some shifts I am reasonably certain additional shifts are needed. I made actual physical shifts (and I believe they were in the right direction) however I had continued taking responsibility for the management and that apparently reactivated the conflict.

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Notes:

[1] http://www.humandesigncommunity.com/newsletter/Nov09.html

[2] http://learninggnm.com/SBS/documents/blood_vessels.html#Varicose_Veins

[3] Gene Keys By: Richard Rudd

[4] https://www.prosveta-usa.com/2022-06-02

[5] https://genius.com/The-mothers-of-invention-take-your-clothes-off-when-you-dance-lyrics
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Keywords:

responsibility, resentment, eft, channel of community, back pain, forgiveness, innocence, loyalty, responsibility, human design system, gene keys, acceptance, double helix, common law course, live-in, authentic community
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