Healing Family Relationships--an Update…I got to write this!

All those who get triggered by close family relationships. Raise your hand!

Wow! I got to write this up.

I am doing an avoid dance.

This is the primary area--or one of them--closest to my guts and kidneys that is through me for a loop.

I can spend hours building up from the depths of stress through great love and connection on Facebook, and then, one text from a close relative, can completely throw me off.

I am so triggered!

I am in touch with original pain work that goes back to my earliest memories.

She can say "Grow Up!" in a spirit of frustration, and where did I go?

I am a kid in the backyard at 2505 Second Street. I am on my knees and I am weeping. I never got to be the age I was! When I was seven, my dad would say, you are almost eight, grow up! When I was eight years old, my dad would say, Stop it…Grow Up…you are almost nine!. I never got to be how old I was. I never really was present unless I escaped.

Escape? Excape! That is all I did.

My mom was the greatest of cooks. She made the most wonderful food. This was her love. I would miss meals. I had to get away. Then, would come the criticism. Your mother cooked, where were you???

I had to get away.

The synagogue was next door. I would wake up Sat morning with the billowing sounds of men loudly praying. Even as early as a kid, my saving grace was that we had a big backyard. I learned finally to climb on the roof of the garage and be alone on a platform in the back of it.

Saturday morning? I wanted to watch cartoons. I wanted to see Mighty Mouse. Friday night? I wanted to see Rin-Tin-Tin, a dog story. Dogs, I loved dogs, not religion.

I might have liked religion if it was not shoved down me. I was tormented by religion, except of course, some of the lovely things my mom did. There were things I loved too that my dad did.

He wore shiny white outfits on the High Holidays. I liked being up on the platform--Bima with him. He was strong. I would sing with him. But then, there were the men, the men. Mr. Salter. He would pinch me on the cheeks, not just once. The men, the men, oh my God. The shute, the shule…My father would complain.

I don't know what went wrong with me and religion. I so love so many things about it. I am a Minister at heart and I have certificates, and licenses. They are just not in the religion of my my relatives.

Where does a person go who is a ceremonialist at heart but a black sheep in his own clan?

Hebrew. Hebrew. I am sure if I were hypnotized I know every word, but for some reason, I never got a good Jewish education early enough! What was with starting Hebrew school in the second grade!!!!!!!

I was behind the eight ball before I ever got out of the box.

It was instilled in me to complete. It was instilled in me to be the best. What do you do when you feel like a dunce?

"Dumb!" My relative called me dumb!

Great. Where do I go with that?

I am the Dunce of my Hebrew school class. I am in a class where everyone knows Hebrew. I am stilling in the back. In those days, they used rulers. I was friends with Alan. He had a limp. His mother was the friend of our family. I believe the name was Evans. Alan Evans. The dad wasn't Jewish. He had polio when he was a kid.

They moved to the Westside too. Oh, her name was Nancy, the mom. She would invite me over for a weekend sometimes. They would eat bacon, if I am not mistaken. I would sleep over. Then on Sunday, I had to come home. I think maybe my mother had already died by then. She died of Cancer as we were leaving the East Side to the West Side. My mom never really had a life on the Westside. She was sick already. Then, she went into the hospital. I wrote about that in my poetry book called, "Rekindling of Faith!"

I will quote it later.

Good God, yes call me Dumb. That is what I need now. Grow up, that is what I need to hear now. Triggers. Triggers.

No wonder I strive so hard and work so hard to get away from being feeling stupid.

So much to write. So much to write.

PSYCHO SOMATIC?

Grow Up? The mind, emotions, and body are connected. The body out pictures what the emotions tell the mind.

The mind is intended to be an expression of the Soul, our individuality, on the earth. Feed the mind clouds of negative emotion, and the mind cannot see its purity, its goodness. It's brilliance!

Gratefully, I found my brilliance. I learned to serve. I learned to love. I learned to find my expression even though I was told to shut up.

Shut up! Shut Up! I near the words from my father.

Shut up, do not yell at your step mother, he yells at me. You are ruining my life. So then I shut up. That was when arthritis started to set in ten years before the M.D.s could name what was wrong with me.

What was right with me? What was right with me?
Gratfully, I discovered that. It took years of being led to positive male figures and eventually, woman figures.

My first positive male role models came as early as high school. Oh, yes, there was Mrs. Tarshes, my strict English Teacher in elementary parochial school. She came to my mother's funeral. She liked me. She loved me. She died too early. I remember, we had the Variety Boy's Club. I would make things out of wood. I gave her something I made. She liked it. She was my friend. God bless you, Mrs. Tarshes, such a warm loving friend.

##

It is the very nature of Being that hateful thoughts, words, and actions have negative consequences. In families, such negative energies get passed from one generation to another. It might take four generations for members of that family to finally heal. But loving thoughts, words, and actions initiate an energy that flows through generation after generation without limit. Loving energy trumps everything. --Rabbi Red Falcon

More later…

ANY FOR KIDNEY AREA?

THIS IS GREAT FROM RICHARD KATZ

http://www.flowersociety.org/Mimulus.htm


ANOTHER FLOWER ESSNCE PRACTITIONER

http://www.flowersociety.org/monkeyflowers.htm

I added Purple Monkeyflower to her formula, and since that time, her belief about flower essence therapy has changed dramatically. Although L.M. will always be a religious person who values traditional ways, dogmatic beliefs no longer seem to interfere with her logic and sense of reality. Her difficulties are steadily dissipating because there is no inner resistance. L.M. is more predictable, logical and communicative. Purple Monkeyflower proved to be a key essence in this case, removing the problem that was at the base of the situation.

Deb Soule speaks on behalf on Yarrow here,


Got to exercise or I am going to get in trouble…


Things to take care of…


the checks…direct deposit.

rent in bank…

plants…go do it.

I love you, Leslie

12:12 pm

time for Herb Guild meeting?

Prado…

 

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