Procession feelings of fear. Writing this out helps, but I have not solved the underlying issue. I am going out to connect with a few plants.

Date:   1/29/2011 7:27:49 PM ( 13 y ago)

H2>



7:54 am
January 30, 2011

Grace.
Grace.

I am taking Grace Flower Essence Remedy now.
I am shifting my energy to the positive.

I am moving the energy in my space.

It does not matter how many things I move
I need to move the energy.

I am putting on Feng Shui Tune Up.
It is important that I shift the energy now.






11:37 pm

Very pleasant being away from home
tonight. Hard to remember why I am so
out of my skin.

It has something to do with long, long periods
of time when I have to be thinking of how the
house here will survive. There are so many factors
weighing on me. I could handle it if there were fewer,
but everything is coming down at once.
I do not see how to make ends meet.

It would feel better if others here understood
what I am seeing and feeling.

Enough. TIme to go to bed and get some rest.

It was a great joy to take a few photos
tonight that will be of use to a young man
who made a documentary.

I was too tired to watch too closely,
but I received healing being in the atmosphere.




6:03 pm

I just grabbed up my sign from the basement
that talks about the extreme depletion of minerals
in our foods as of the Senate Report in 1936.
I watered with rain water some beets in pots
and some other plants. I feel better.
I am going out to another Jewish event
with the Elijah Minyan.

I am taking a basket of three cans of BPA free Eden beans,
two packets of delicious sea weed treats,
some Original Quinton Marine Plasma
and a bucket of lettuce as well as beet greens
grown in a Keep The Beet Pot.

I do not want to make a big deal out of this but
the Jewish people in the community where I am
headed now are starving. Food is now an ethical issue,
but this is not on their radar.
I would like to touch one soul tonight,
perhaps my own and make one connection to another Soul.

I was processing a lot of fear today.

6:07 pm

____

5:08 pm
January 29, 2011

Up from a nap.
I am not liking what I am seeing.
The vision carrier has become a fear carrier.

I realize I am disengaged from the garden.
I better go out and see if I can water some of the plants
in the side garden.

It is starting to get chilly.

I am so sorry that I am feeling this way.



I took some notes before.
Here they are.

3:18 pm
January 29, 2011



Extreme Terror
January 29, 2011

Had a breakthrough late evening last night,
and then a breakthrough early morning.
Then, I went to the Elijah Minyan.
I needed to get out of here.
I have been in my room too much.
The energy is not moving in here.

I wanted some connection, but this service was not enough for me to feel a sense of connection.

I am erasing how I was feeling yesterday.

The service ended too soon.
I was still processing not feeling apart.
There were too many people I did not know.
Some I did know, but i could not remember their names.

I realize now I was seeing through the eyes of my inner child.
That happens to me in Jewish circles where I can not relate
in community. The music was nice.

I was feeling really sad about the suicide we are committing
with our food supply.

This latest move allowing Monsanto to have free reign
with the Alfalfa is too much.

Food is now an ethics issue,
but this ethics issue has not entered the Jewish mind
of the Rabbi or too many in the room.

When they were doing the blessing on the wine
and bread, I was in the other room still connecting with
my best friend there.

I enjoyed hearing her tell a story
about a fearless person who traveled through
the iraqi war as if she were totally protected
in her consciousness.

She did not carry fear with her, and only good could touch her.

I wanted more connection.
I invited myself out to lunch with a few of
the friendly faces there.

We went out to lunch at the Soup Plantation.

There was an effort in the marketing of the place
to have a position that they were doing something there
that related to health. They said they made the food for scratch.

I had a plate of salad, but I could not eat this quality of food.
It was commercially grown.

I am sorry.

I ate some chile.
It may have had sugar in it because I did not feel well in my head.

There was no real food there.

Part of my terror and disconnect at the service was that
I felt we were losing our food supply
but I did not say anything.
I tried to connect with the rabbi toward the end
and tell him what was happening to our food through
the release of GMO Alfalfa. I described it as the Haman's
had gotten hold of our food, but he could not relate to what
I said. I was referring to Monsanto as Haman.
Haman in the Purim Megilla, is a character
that wants to kill off the Jewish people.
He ends up being killed because of the laws he
has made.


At the Food Plantation,
I realized I was extremely afraid to come home.
I felt into this.
I was afraid because I did not trust
a housemate who has been extremely erratic in his
behavior for months.

Things improved the last week between us.
but I am not sure I can trust.

I cannot live in this terror in my own home.
I better face it.

I am in a position here where I need to be the vision carrier
but I am not in touch with the vision.
He has been returning to me in bits and pieces
as I take time to do my work the last few days,
but then, as the day when by,
I could not see the good work I did this early morning
or late last night.

This housemate that got under my skin,
he is not home now to clear.
I have to feel safe here to be able to get in touch with the vision here.

3:19 pm.
Nap...
4:28 pm

just discovered a layer of deep fear where the foundation is meant to be....
I am undone by this...


FEAR LESS

Took Fear Less, Flower Essence Remedy.

I have to go now and water a little.

I have to connect with the garden.

Is there anyone here who can relate to what I am saying
and feeling?

5:27 pm



 

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