The give and take of energy... and looking at mental confusion regarding being living here or leaving.

Date:   1/22/2011 3:00:09 PM ( 13 y ago)

12:50 pm
January 22, 2011


THE HOUSE

Taking energy, more than it is giving back now.
Unbelievable,


I had to leave here to get energy to
compensate for how much energy
living here was taking out of me.


Started to go through an old note book
of the early years of a love.

The love has turned into a great friendship.

Some of the things I looked at were harsh.

They were the growth pattern.

ONE OF THE GREATEST ONGOING
PLACES WHERE I WENT TO GIVE AND RECEIVE
ENERGY JUST SHUT THE DOOR ON ME

Grief,

There must be some where else that
I can give and receive energy.

I want to burn these papers.

We need appreciation.

It takes energy to go through these papers.
It takes energy to get rid of things.

Shocking to see this.

Unfair energy exchanges.


3:16 pm

Anna gave me a haircut.
That was good energy.

I realize I have no clear strategy
any longer.

Last night I went to Maura and we had
a great connection that was healing.

What I was asking for was completely
opposite to what I went into the meeting
yesterday to ask for.

I did not ask for what I wanted.

There was support for me not getting what I wanted.

Then, I was not in touch with my feelings
at Maura's, I was asking for something else,
to leave her to find peace.

This morning,
I was wanting to see if I could get rid of some things.
I got ride of most of a very sentimental notebook
as a test. I burned love letters, poems, and some lovely
photos to see if I could clear the space.

Then, I was reminded by Anna of my different strategy
to stay here.

This morning and last night I was in a strategy to leave.

I want to get out of here to get some energy.
I would have to travel one hour far away.

I am not prepared to leave there what I had in mind.

I need to go somewhere to protect myself.

It may not make sense to run from here now.

I can rest for a little bit.

I am not single minded.

This is serious.

I went into the space wanting to clear the energy
here, but left the meeting not standing up for that.

I was listening more to the other person and what they were saying.

They wanted something else.









 

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