"I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the LORD..." - Book of Psalms

Date:   3/23/2010 11:29:38 AM ( 14 y ago)

Well since Sunday has been a disaster of junk food. Last night was just awful.

My boyfriend was working late, and travelling abroad to visit his parents very early this morning, so we agreed that after work last night he would ring, and i would go to his house for the night, ie before he flew out this morning.

Instead of that happening...uuuhhhgg... i ended up eating a chinese takeaway - very unlike me, but what on earth do they put in that stuff?! - and i requested no MSG - never felt so bad after it; so lay down on my bed at 9pm..

next thing i awoke to the buzzer in my apartment (which is so loud it makes everyone who hears it jump out of their skin) - and 8 missed calls on my mobile phone, from boyf.

It was only after 10pm, but i had fallen into such a deep sleep that i hadn't heard the phone, which was right by my ear on the bed.

When my boyfriend came inside i was, to be honest, half-asleep still. My mind was foggy as anything, and - i guess it was my liver after that horrible "food" - i was angry like you wouldn't believe.

So poor boyf was exposed to a ream of incoherent abuse, before finally escaping at midnight, to prepare for his flight.

Improper food really messes me up. For so many years i never touched anything outside of a beautiful vegan diet, and never really had cravings or anything. This was from ages of 16-22.

But just in the last year I moved to the city - had been living by the ocean...mmmmm...- and found out then that, contrary to when i was younger, wheat and sugar and dairy didn't have much of an immediate impact on me. Previously, anytime i eat sugar, i would get an awful migraine, anytime dairy, horrible sinus problems, and the one time i eat wheat, i thought i was going to die! No joke.

All my childhood i lived on that stuff, before being forced to give it up (due to various health problems), and, once i gave it up, became incredibly sensitive to it... so sensitive my friends wouldn't believe me!; i just quietly eat my own, clean, diet.. but i guess that since my body was strengthened then, i can tolerate it a little better now..

But of course, not without ill-effects. When i eat wheat/sugar now, my weight goes up, self-esteem goes down, and i become re-addicted to the stuff.

SO!
Since boyfriend is away now for a week, i have finally begun my detox supreme. I don't expect it to be easy. Bu cannot see myself backing out now. The only option now is to climb out of this mess! Or remain in this black hole of suffering, overeating, cravings, self-abuse and abuse of others.

I didn't expect to write a blog of regret/complaints, but felt that to be honest like this might perhaps help someone else out of their own cravings???

Even if not, thank you with all my heart for reading, and may we BOTH be only further inspired to better and better levels of health!

Respect to you, dear reader.

 

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