Five steps for achieving a complete communication cycle between two individuals and some examples of relating exercises including a couple new ones!

Date:   12/30/2009 10:44:26 PM ( 15 y ago)

A cycle of communication can begin with one individual who wants to say something to another individual - or - with one individual who wants to hear something from another.

Here are five steps to having a complete cycle of communication with another:

1. In respect and with interest to connect with the other you invite that one to speak/listen to you.

2. Decide who will be speaking. Then you focus your attention on the other. Whoever is speaking -
speak as clearly and honestly as possible to the other, whatever it is that you want the other to understand.

3. You as the listener just listen attentively! You are open, without judgment and most especially without making any comments.

4. If at any point your understanding is not complete then you can ask for a specific clarification on the part of the message that is not clear (i.e. say "clarify ______", "repeat that", "speak slower", etc.).

5. When the one speaking has completed their message then you as the listener acknowledge the other by stating that you have understood what has been said (i.e. "thank you", "I understand").

When these steps are complete then the speaker will feel heard and the listener will experience being related to.

If any part is missing then the communication cycle is incomplete which results in a lack of understanding, a lack of shared reality regarding the subject matter and a lack of affinity between the two individuals which creates the experience of being separate.[1]

The above five steps are simplified but can be generally functional. There are more fine points.[2]

These steps (without my minor revisions) were included on a handout in a communication workshop that was taught by Joseph Rubano several weeks ago. The workshop featured practice sessions in dyads. The communication exercises included lines such as: "Tell me what is on your heart".

In a very recent correspondence with my sister I thought of another relating exercise (RE):
"Tell me something that you value about your self". Given a suitable place to practice communication/relating exercises I would share these exercises with others.

One of my favorite RE is one with three parts:
"Tell me something you think we agree on.
Tell me something you want me to know.
Tell me something you like about me."

I regard the new one: "Tell me something that you value about your self" right up there next to my former single favorite RE! In fact as I think on this now I can imagine sharing this with others early on in an initial introduction whereas the three part one seems more fitting after two people have begun to know one another. I really like: "Tell me something that you value about your self"!

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Update Thursday, January 14th (Late Late Night):

A house mate and I did a 10-minute round using this new relating exercise: "Tell me something about yourself that you value". We both enjoyed it! Then my creative housemate suggested: "Tell me something about your creativity that you value" and that also went well. I could probably benefit from doing more of those exercises as I think I have been neglectful of so many creative gifts that I have!

One of the things I really love about my creativity is my ability to make music, to originate, possibly compose and play my own musical expressions! My first and foundational instrument is the piano.

3/7/10 -
Back to relating exercises:

I came up with a new relating exercise and shared that in my last dyad. My housemate and I have had a few conversations about the domestication process that we both have experienced in our lives and that is referred to in books by Don Miguel Ruiz author of "The Four Agreements". The new relating exercise is: "Tell me something you want me to know about your domestication process."

I think domestication can be likened unto "conditioning" as presented in Human Design. "To live your true nature is a 'de-conditioning' process and this can take 7 years."[3]

In Human Design you can learn what Type you are as well as your Inner Authority. When you make decisions according to your Inner Authority you begin to transform your past "conditioning" that may have disconnected you from your true nature. Communications with others will inevitably transform as well in light of the Inner Listening that can accompany our attentive listening to what others communicate to us.

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October 30, 2011 -

Discovered Maxims of Law.[4] including Common Sense Maxims such as:
"One is not present unless he understands."

My inspiration with the above stated maxim is: Therefore "understanding" is optional! However, understanding is essential for a complete communication cycle! An invitation that is extended to another to share a complete communication is subject to the acceptance of the intended recipient. The recipient needs to be agreeable to receiving and understanding the communication. Therefore, IMO, there is no "Right to being heard" in the social sphere of private relationships (notwithstanding the Right to speak).

["Freedom of Speech" (which is a public Right and especially in relation to virtually any governmental authority, AKA "The Rights Sphere") entails the responsibility for being "heard" and understood.]

One needs to be willing to understand another. There is a certain responsibility involved for being understood and that responsibility cannot somehow (magically) be converted into a "Right" because understanding can not be demanded from another but rather needs to be gained.

It is the responsibility of a "sower" to sow their "seed" upon the kind of ground that can receive the seed. Not all ground qualifies for that! The "sower" has to determine where there is suitable soil the seed.

Therefore being heard and understood is dependent upon the one who initiates a communication cycle and their ability to gain the voluntary acceptance of the intended recipient. Communication involves a whole complete cycle that is most fundamentally dependent upon the knowledge of the initiator and their ability to effectively gain the other's attentive cooperation; but the fundamental responsibility for managing that whole cycle is with the initiator.

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December 21, 2015 -

"Communication as a 12 part Cycle"!

First Identified by Charles Berner back in 1965. It provides a rich format with which to analyze communication barriers.[5]

I find that this knowledge can not be taken for granted. And yet I am surprised when I have encounters with others who do not know what a complete communication cycle entails! Therefore I feel it is my duty to master this knowledge so that I can most easily identify the barriers and point them out when they occur. At the same time I need to continue perfecting the "First Agreement": being impeccable with my word!

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Notes:

[1] http://www.acceptedtraining.org/accepted-training.htm

[2]
especially starting on page 24 of:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/19107256/Communication-Booklet-En

[3] http://www.humandesigncommunity.com/hdc.html

[4] http://ecclesia.org/truth/maxims.html#Commerce

[5] http://www.dyad.org/d04cycle.htm

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Keywords:

communication cycle, relating exercises, communication exercises, dyads, domestication, human design, conditioning, maxims, understanding, free speech, freedom of expression, ability, affinity, shared reality

 

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