Not a good day. Feel free to comment!

Date:   12/12/2008 1:13:04 AM ( 16 y ago)

Today's not a good day.

almost 15 minutes late for work which means nearly a disaster in a switchboard. My bus never arrived, and I had to wait for the next one. I'm lacking energy so much I could barely walk up the escalators at all (without that I would've been even more late), not to mention even crossing the road. I seem to be on slow motion, I try to walk faster but my body's out of my control. I'm all limp and soon just might feel like crying. My lower back's cramped in some annoying way and all in all I just feel like listening to some hardcore 90s European techno. Heaps of it, too.

Yesterday was semi-relaxing, I got to dry-brush myself, and go to the sauna to detox a bit. I so love the Finnish saunas since they actually make you sweat, no steam, no bull.
I tried to go to bed just past 2130, but not only did I not get sleep till later also mum decided to call just before 2200 to ask me about my brother and his plans for the weekend, although my brother was right there in my living room. I was annoyed, and nearly hung up for having been woken up from a promising sleepy buzz.

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I've noticed that it's not only much more pleasant but also way easier doing my juicing in two patches - one day peeling and chopping all the goods, the next day juicing the stuff, and peeling and chopping for the next day again. This way one of the time-consuming phases is eliminated from in front of all the messy stuff.

Today I've got 0,75l of tomato juice with me again, and 0,5l of prune juice to go with it. I've decided to stick to my original diet - consume the fruit in the morning, veggies in the afternoon. I'll be attending a pre-Xmas party this evening, so I'll probably pop to the store to buy something nice and pastourised, I couldn't be bothered to take any of yesterday's freshly made ones with me, too heavy to carry around town for my lacking energies.

Last night I saw my very first eating dream of this fast - I had some bangers and a frie (I was kiddingly looking at vege weenies in a health food store yesterday), and afterwards was heaps scared whether I'd get a stomach ache, and just tried to pretend that it never happened.
I think this is also partially because when I visited my nan with mum on Wednesday they both didn't seem to want to understand what a juice fast means (although I've just explained it to nan, and mum even fasted with me last year, remember?) and offered me slaw, cucumber and cookies. Hence me accepting the glass of pastourised orange juice.

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Mentally I'm nowhere close to breaking the fast, I'm certain of that. I still have temptations, I don't appreciate the food, I'm not grateful of it, I'm not calm about eating. When thinking about eating (and I try to do that as little as I can) all I can think is the huge amounts of it I want to consume. All of the conscious cravings are healthy, but that hasn't been my problem. The problem's been the quantities.

It's amazing that I've fasted three times already, one of them being as long as 28 days, yet I still haven't paid sufficient attention to pretty arranging, thorough chewing, and taking my time to finish the meal. At work, due to nearly illegal conditions with break arrangements, I have settled into eating while I work and using my 30 minutes to something else. But now is the time to change this.
Seriously.
I need to look up some ideas. Your would be more than welcome, also.

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I didn't remember to have my enema last night after going to the sauna, and that's another thing that's bugging me - yesterday I was already starting to feel a bit of a headache coming up. I feel an urgent need to poop a couple of times a day, but only a petty amount of something the consistency of watery diarrhea comes out. Annoying. I think my juice is still not pulpless enough - the juicer of my dad's was a cheapy one but works sufficiently, however I've made it a case to sieve all the juice a second time before diluting and bottling it. Still, some pulp must always remain.

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By 1430 I'm feeling much better, although I got officially reprimanded for my being late, and thus it's one step closer to being impossible for me to obtain my well-deserved pay rise. I need to get rid of this job, but oh joy is it getting harder to obtain one in this time of economical crisis...

I've been feeling way colder that usual the last couple of days. That's one thing that sucks in fasting when it's winter time. I can't do anything to help it while I'm outdoors, but at least in the office I've got a cardigan to put on, as well as a radiator to place under my desk (the same one I used on my last fast).

 

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