This will be the hardest fast so far, but if I can't pull this through now then I can probably never pull through with an ideally healthy life!

Date:   11/28/2008 3:04:23 AM ( 16 y ago)

Yep, it's me at it again. I'm only human, too.

So. What happened since last time? Why am I fasting again when just half a year ago I fasted for a whole month?

I'd love to claim I'm doing it plainly for health reasons, but it's not only that.

Since June 2008 I was on a raw diet 90% for a month, 80% for a couple of months, then 70-80% for another couple of months. Now I feel like I'm getting too close to slipping to percentages way too low to maintain the diet properly, so I need to get a grip. I've started to feel so uncomfortable again that a drastic measure such as a fast is needed again. And I have a feeling that I'm on the way to permanent success now, little by little. Better change my life step by step than cold turkey!

It's only good to have little follow-up routines, I think, especially when I've given in too much on the 'well, maybe I'll have just a little bit of something cooked on a very special occasion' mentality. Those "very special occasions" started emerging more and more often, and not only did I give in with cooked food and dairy too often I also stretched the meal sizes constantly.

No good.

Since the last fast I've had severe food poisoning type attacks twice. My stomach starts to ache majorly, then I suffer from severe diarrhea and vomiting, then I almost pass out out of the pain and loss of fluids and salts, bathe in cold sweat, and finally, recovering, feel powerless, my muscles ache, and I shake uncontrollably. These attacks were caused by such "harmless" munchies as just a bit of pizza crust (not even any of the toppings! Haven't had a single bit of pizza since), and deep-fried scampi with rice. And no, it was not food poisoning, but rather me not being able to stomach those any more, since other people had the same food too, and felt their usual sluggish selves.

No good.

So. Now I'm back to the weight and measures as before the last fast (not that they were ever worrying, though). My flaky and crusty scalp problem has shown vast signs of reincarnation, and I've suffered from the worst winter time blues EVER.
I've been too tired to even be blue, that's how ridiculous it is. For about a month I did nothing but went to work, came home, fell asleep straightaway for some two hours, woke up to read or clean up for a few hours, then went to bed again for long, full night's sleep. And woke up to go to work just as tired if not even more than the day before. I knew exercise could've helped, but how can I force myself on a walk when I can barely stay awake? I wouln't have liked some random passerby finding me snoozing somewhere in a bush. I could barely stay awake at work. First I was cranky and moody, and I'm familiar enough with my winter-time depression to realise where that was coming from. But the insight didn't last long. Before long I was simply not able to identify my tiredness as anything I knew.

So I went to see my Occupational Health specialist, and a doctor. They verified I was in amazing physical health due to my raw diet, even my cholestrol was so low such values could only be found within original native peoples. How exciting! But at the same time, very puzzling! If my diet hadn't done me nothing but good, what was wrong with me?
It was suggested that I was suffering from stress, still, something resembling a mild burnout. I suffered from severe stress round mid-summer's concluding in a break-down. I tried to calm down my social life for a while and thought I had succeeded pretty well, but it was obviously not enough. The stress returned.

The only things I felt that my body clearly asked me for were
1) salt: I had a few cups of miso soup and a bowl of popcorn every day for two of three weeks. This was most likely a direct symptom of stress manifesting in my adrenal gland, making it function to exhaustion, eventually running out of cortisol producing capasity, resulting in massive salt cravings.
2) sleep: I really, really, really wished I could just have two or three weeks off just to sleep continuously as long as it'd take for me to feel a little more energised, then use the rest of the time to walk outside and spend calming slow time by myself at home. This was the other symptom that struck me from the list of adrenal gland malfunction - no other 'condition' applied to me as accurately. I was sure, though, that Addison's disease was not the case - my situation wasn't chronic.

The doctor suggested I should take on depression meds, and force myself to exercise.

Jeez was I mad, I was so bloody mad. Well, at first I almost cried when I left the office, and when he called me later about my second blood sample results he obviously had noted my mood and in a more compassionate manner asked me to call again should my condition go worse within a month.
After the tears came rage. Terrible but empowering rage. I felt slightly more awake for a couple of weeks probably due to that feeling only, and those couple of weeks were just enough for me to go through over ten electrical and home goods' stores and all of the available brands of wake-up and bright-light lamps (however those are officially called), and got myself one. I had to fix myself, no one else would do it for me.

I shared my pain with everyone I knew - friends, family, colleagues, unknown avatars on the Internet. I started feeling better. And now, after using the sunrise lamp for about a week I'm surely starting to feel more energetic. What a relief.

Short story long, the battle's not over! I still feel incompetent physically. Now that my mind is starting to clear (you'll see how you feel when it's dark almost 20 hours a day, not the right season for cheeriness!!!) I'm also more aware of my body's needs. And that is exercise (outdoors, since I can't afford going to the gym) such as walking, since it's too slippery to ride a bike; and fasting. No more exceptions in eating. Even when it's Xmas time. Especially when it's Xmas time.

And that's the whole point of this fast. It's nearly impossible to restrict myself when all of the seasonal goodies are around me, and in that environment it's ridiculous to restrain to sheer will power. So I've decided to sort out the problem once and for all by making it impossible to say yes!

Ingenius!

People I've told about the plan have told me to "enjoy life", that I "can't possibly pass all of those rare treats", that "it's ridiculous, it's Xmas afterall"!
Hah! What are those arguments against mine? None of those points can be backed up in any other way but relying in sentimentalities and non-existent if not even blatantly violating generalizations.

If I want to remain a super-healthy, radiant and positive person and such an admirable example I've apparently been to those around me and here on CureZone I must once again show that I'm able to dismiss such silly reasonings, that I am able to stick to what's right, that I'm willing to also act upon the principles of health I have come to know.

My pre-week starts classically on December 1st, the fast starts on December 8th and ends on December 21st, and the post-week ends on December 28th.

Whee, new year and new life, here I come...!!!

 

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