A slow day again with not much to say. Feel free to comment!

Date:   5/23/2008 2:02:38 AM ( 16 y ago)

I'm a bit tired today, but that's probably because I had a friend stay over (yay!), and I didn't get to bed until past 10pm. My throat's better, but still slightly sore.

I went to the sauna yesterday and, in the typical Finnish way, got it as hot as I could stand (80-100C° [176-212F] - yes I'm serious!). I layed down and let the heat soak in for maybe some 15 minutes which felt nice and was definitely necessary, but got me tired and a bit dizzy afterwards.

I didn't get to try Valerie's inspiring enema tricks yet, and I'll be way too busy tonight (work gathering after we get off, then a friend's 24th in the evening, and who knows if we'll end up going out, too), so I'll just leave it till the weekend when I've got more time to relax. If it gets warmer we'll probably go to a park for a picnic again, and I'll study for the two entry exams held next week. I doubt I'll make it online in a couple of days again, but then it'll be that bit more delighting to continue writing from day 15!

I'm feeling cold again, put on the cardigan but haven't resorted to the radiator yet. I'm feeling a bit more motivated yet, so I'll probably start updating my switchboard number lists today - a big job I'd better get done before I change companies (doing the same thing at the same place, though, we've just been externalized). Might do some light packing, as well - we are changing from one building to another, and the new location will be slightly easier to reach, although not much closer (now it takes me about 50 minutes to get here with all the walking [that might seem very little to some, but then again Finland is a very small country], and in June it'll probably be around 40).

My body feels funnily achy in funny places, but I'm sure that'll pass. If only I had my Tiger Balm on me. I also felt a bit hungry in the morning, but I haven't had much inspiration to pump myself full of that sugary goo, either. Only a week till pay day, though. Phew.

My body tells me clearly - by my tummy rumbling - when I need to fill the tank. It doesn't feel unpleasant though, and the feeling no longer clouds my mind. I can very well nourish myself (and in a flash! I love this freedom regarding eating!) and instantly go about other business without hassle. I won't even have to concentrate on the possibility of eating too much (monitoring just that will be a major task when starting my raw diet), I just follow what my body tells me in its now very simple and clear language, and there's no hassle involved. Feeling healthy.

Not feeling as pretty as yesterday, though, although in the morning I couldn't help admiring my figure in the mirror - not too bad! Even my home-performed hair dye removal gone bad (going from black to blonde at once turned out not to be that easy a task, and now I'm stuck with this slide-coloured looking yellow-orange-reddish brown do) looks rather funky!

My water intake has improved during the last couple of days. I haven't counted my mugfuls of juice, but I reckon I've swapped some of them into sipping plain water, maybe out of boredom. But it definitely looks better in my calculations! I'm now up to my average five Brita bottles at work a day, from just three or max four so far.

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Right now, to my disappointment, I can imagine binge eating. Ahh, all those lovely flavours and textures... Even healthy stuff! And I really want, during the remainer of the fast, find some way or determination against such mentality. This is another goal. I want to find my healthy boundaries and learn them never to be crossed again. It's now or never. It's the year of the Rat, and myself being a Rat the year should turn out extra special. I'm not a superstitious person - rather the worst kind of agnostic and existentialist there is - but the Chinese horoscope is something I have found amazingly albeit amusingly accurate in many things. Well, goes as a nice harmless pastime. I could use my energies in worse things, such as religious fanatism.

Since I wasn't feeling that attractive earlier I decided to jokingly take my measurements. This is with clothes on, though, but you can picture me somewhere around these statistics:
23 years old, 24 in three months
161cm / ≈ 5'3"
Somewhere between 55 and 60 kilos / ≈ 121 and 132 pounds
88-70.5-92.5 (cm) (with clothes on) (they say the ideal model would be (90-60-90, but I'd be way too short to look good like that anyway).

So there. I won't be measuring myself again, but when I find a scale I'll have to note where I'm at. 55 is my ideal, I'd like to stay at that after the fast. Bearing in mind I never started with an intention for weight loss, that should be no trouble at all. I've been around that weight all my life, and when I lived in poverty in London I actually might have gone a tad below.

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I just thought maybe this slight withdrawal and 'downness' when it comes to food is due to my body adjusting to its natural appetite? I strongly don't feel like drinking at times, although I do have a sense of thirst, and I can't better describe the state I feel than 'sad'. Curious. Maybe I have a point.
Or then maybe not.

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Something is definitely happening... Mu tummy was full and I could feel it, but I felt thirsty, and really felt like some juice. I drank only water, because I assumed I must have come to a point where the sugar in the juices really draw me and I can't give in to such temptations (can't wait for my own juices in a week! This is getting silly! Lucky I've still got some veggie and fruit juice frozen...).

Now, without having any more juice but plain water, I got a crazy energy rush. I feel hyperactive, my muscles are buzzing with something I could only describe as a 'sugar high', using familiar terms from childhood.

Could this possibly be one of those natural energy boosts everyone talks about, could my body be burning something off now? Or have I simply just had too much juice no matter how little it's been?
I find it hard to stop drinking water, I feel thirsty all the time, and my cheeks are blushing slightly. I can't concentrate.

I'll only have to keep an eye on myself, and update on Monday.

 

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