Angst, oh, this angst! Only complaining today. Feel free to comment!

Date:   5/7/2008 2:33:09 AM ( 16 y ago)

Today has been a nervewrecker!

Everything - and I mean everything - sets me in a rage today! Little things I should not allow to bother me. I think this is that mentioned Monster PMS of mine again, since it's getting to that time of the month.

The phone ringing at work (and I now work at a switchboard, oh Holy Impossibility!), my colleagues fussing around, Iron Maden on the radio (and usually I don't mind them at all!), angry grannies, this tickly cardigan, my broken heel getting caught on the tubing underneath my desk, the printer not working... Arghhhh, I really need a long run today! But I don't have the time for one, my evening's fully booked, as usual! And probably still no hope of getting to bed early either, so yes, the mood today is perrrrfect.

I printed a fast-related introduction and those two previous fasting stories of mine for my friend to read, and she found my experiences hilarious. Good on her, I hope these sad little details can be taken more as entertainment and warning example rather than as gospel on how frustrating fasting can be. I have previously prided myself on knowing how to complain in 1001 different ways, and my blogs seem like the perfect channel to vent the frustrations I nowadays refuse to notice. But I definitely need to get back into a serious fitness routine - without it I have no way to let off some steam!

Today I had two eggs for brekky, a few prunes when I got to work, and some rice with veggies for smoko. I have some potato-onion soup for lunch, and two small apples for the afternoon. In the evening I will pop in to see my dad and borrow his juicer to use for the duration of the fast. Tomorrow I'll probably have the time to finally start making juices, I intend to buy a whole host of fruit and veggies (as well as the ones we'll definitely juice in masses) for my friend to taste, it'll be a bit softer a start for her if we make it like a fun juice-tasting session. I've also recommended her to buy the Vogel fasting pack, since it's got everything necessary inside apart from most of the week's juices. I will need to get a new douche bag, too, since mum lost mine.

I need to dramatically cut down on my social activities, too, otherwise I will suffer a serious breakdown. I've been enjoying my hectic schedule between organising my life and keeping in touch with old and new mates, but it has definitely reached a point where I just need a while alone. Living at my mate's place (as cosy as it is), home hunting (which, luckily, ended better than expected), hassle at work and changing companies, and travelling to another city regularly to see mum and some friends have become more of a burden recently rather than the wonderful choices choices choices I once celebrated. I need more time in silence, more time to just be and do nothing, more time with no thoughts in particular, more time to recharge.
As a delightful little detail I must also add that this month - during the fast - I will be attending not one but four different entry exams for universities around the country. I should be studying, but my brain can't take any more cell chemistry. Oh whee, it's going to be a hard one, again!

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The cloud of fury faded when I got past midday and got some soup into me. Funny, I didn't feel like I was hungry, and I had eaten well enough, so can't say for sure why I almost snapped.
Haven't been able to drink enough water still, only three 0,7 litre bottles out of my usual five or six, just like yesterday. Ate only half an apple this afternoon as well, am feeling very flegmatic and a bit down. Not as tired as in the morning, though, and that is good.
People keep giving me lollies. They're just as unsupportive as before. It pissed me off that this time the gift giver is a lady with diabetes and serious eczema as well, she keeps talking about adopting healthy habits but does nothing about it. I need to spend less time with people that accidentally might put me down. I'm so very super duper happy that I'll be able to move to my very first completely own flat in a bit over a week, no more other people's unhealthy food in my fridge!

 

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