Dealing with Blocked energies.

Date:   2/1/2008 1:23:52 PM ( 16 y ago)

11:00 AM
February 1, 08

woke up in the middle of the night.
Had to scream.
I screamed. I screamed again.

I was at some kind of one day event.
I was a speaker.

There was an unanticipated person
someone I knew, a housemate,
that kept having her say at the mike.

There was something about doing
a presentation at a certain time,
but the presentation was curtailed
by the energy of this person.

Then, finally, I was about to come to the
platform for the last talk.
I realized how disorganized I was.
I realized how majorly distracted I was.

The person at the podium announced me,
but then I realized that all my poetry books
were on a side stage. I was about fifteen feet
below. I was attempting to signal to someone
to bring me the books that were in a pile,
but there was a miscommunication

Finally, I got the pile.
Meanwhile, I had been announced on the stage
that was a distance away.

My energy was finally up.
There were still a loud welcoming.

I walked up the back of the stairs
filled with inspiration.

Then, at the podium one more time
was this woman who felt she had
something to ad, since there was
another open space.

I lost my inspiration.
I could not help but scream out.

____

I layed in bed
feeling into the energy of this nightmare.
I do not remember a time when I actually
woke up and screamed, the pain was so great.

I can think of about five instances this year
where I have felt my energy blocked by various things,
or situations that did not turn out as it seemed they would.


___

I woke up this morning feeling really bad
that I did not make it to Danielle's Memorial
last night.

I belonged there.

Helena was my S.O. for five years.
I experienced this woman when she was a teen.
I had some difficult times with her,
as did her mother.

A memorial to a person who has died
is an important moment in time.

My father's life is all about memorials
to the departed.

I cannot believe that I allowed my energy to be blocked
by the weather, other circumstances.

I called four people for rides.

I even got dressed to go, but my hands were cold.
I just did not feel I could handle the discomfort of driving

What stopped me?

There has to be a way to get someplace
when we feel he need to get there.
Weather or not being able to get a ride
is no excuse.

I was playing the victim.

I could have taken a cab.
It might have cost $150.00 I imagine,
money I did not feel I had to spend.

I feel angry at one person who said
I he would have given me a ride if I drove
up to his house.

I am going to call back. I could have gone
there while it was still light and sunny.
I want to know if I could have slept over their
home, and then returned here in the morning.

I am going to check that out.

Also, I am going to call the Rabbi.
Once, he gave me $300.00 when I went up to teach
at his place, and the EG Mobile would not start.
They had a special emergency fund. That paid for the tow.
It was quite a distance from home.

The home of the people who were hosting the
Memorial. They have no shortage of funds.
Would they have helped pay the cab?

I want to call and discuss this.

I imagine I could have gotten a ride home.

This is the second time in ten days that I have wanted
to go to a Spiritual Activity where I felt I was meant to be,
but was a No Show.

I feel I have to make some kind of penance.

There is another Rabbi in town visiting that I admire.
She is staying in the neighborhood at the OHI.
Optimal Health Institute.

My plate is full.

I recognize I am in a time of great expansion,
but if I do not slow down to find ways through the blocked
energies, I have no foundation for the growth
that is being offerered.

I will make some calls.

I will get some completes on some small things
that are blocking my energy.

This is all very important.

Danielle's Memorial:


http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=1099807


I am also thinking of Ron and Nicole
in gratitude.

The day before the BEST YEAR EVER EVENT
I still did not have a ticket.
The lower tickets were all sold out.
Ron got on the phone, in spite of how busy he was,
and bought me a ticket.
If he had not done this, I would have bought my
own ticket online for $100.00 It was another case
where I felt I was suppose to be there.

There was more to that story.
I wrote about it here:

Yellow Wrist Band:

http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=1090428



 

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