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The Juice Fast, Day 10/28
1/3 of the fast is past! Moody and tired, but encouraged!
Feel free to comment!
Date: 5/21/2008 3:16:02 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 3398 times Oh! I need to make one thing clear - even when I started I was well within healthy measures; none of my inital goals ever was losing weight. Not only do I not need to be much lighter than before, I know that most of the weight I will inevitably lose is water weight, and it would be unnatural for me not to gain it back in some time.
Now I'm only curious - in a slightly frightened manner - how much weight I'll lose in the next three weeks. I don't want to end up looking like a skeleton, even temporarily.
Yesterday's enema didn't bring much out at all. It was a bit uncomfortable, but on the last couple of days I've gotten just over one and a half litres in in one time. That's good. and I won't even try to get any more in. I didn't flush on more days than one over the weekend due to my busy schedule all the way till the evening, but then I didn't feel the need to, either.
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Today my throat's been a bit more sore than yesterday, and I've been slightly irritated again. Feeling a bit tired and at a loss of energy.
I've noticed that I've felt a bit down. Nothing even close to being depressed, and I don't have any thoughts that contribute in that sensation. But I've noticed that my low intake of fluids is simply due to me not having an appetite for my juices any more. I have been blending them into different combinations, and they still taste nice, but somehow some of my inspiration is gone. I don't feel delighted to consume even my own veggie juices, not to mention the store-bought surary poop. On some bodily level I feel down, even disappointed, and I can't even define the exact reason! The only fluid that I can even think of bringing me joy right now is maybe my own fruit juice. So maybe this has something to do with those ready-made juices I've had to consume so far and the short-term sugar rushes - a few of the fruit juices contain a bit of added sugar, the tomato juice that as well as a bit of salt. Well, that's one bit of the disappointment I can define: I feel disappointed for consuming such poop altogether, and having no other resort.
I've been dreaming a bit about eating, mostly silly little things like having a peace of chocolate, and then being utterly devastated for wanting more, and not being able to continue the fast but needing to finish it with such a crash that will surely bring me stomach ache. Although in reality if I slipped I could very well continue! I see how disappointed I would be in myself if I went astray. I am taking this quite seriously, quitting out of schedule is not really an option, unless in a case of emergency (and only such of a bodily manner would do).
So in general I'm a bit low, but calm. Usually my lows have reached from the abyss of my mind, now this has nothing to do with my over-zealous imagination. Excellent. Even emo-ing isn't that easy any more, the Law of Attraction practice is working way too well for me to be able to get depressed enough! The other night I tried to get some twisted leverage on making up my mind on potential romance (I have already whipped myself for such childish behavior for years and am now getting over my stupid fantasy dramas), and it didn't get very far. So be it.
One thing I want to mention here to remember it is that the juicer I borrowed leaves the juices a bit pulpy, hence leaving me needing to filter them another time. I did consume some pulpy juice (the foam on top of the juices can't be bad, right? I just love the foam!!!), and I realised having accidentally swallowed a bit of lemon from a lemon slice in my water when we went to a bar on Friday. So maybe my digestion hasn't quite stopped yet. Who knows, but I had to "confess" these things for the record, and to keep a clear conscience. I want to show example to other fasters - fasting is the last situation to play a perfectionist. I need to keep reminding myself to relax, and just calm down. This is some serious time for me me me, and my new home.
Half past 10am, and I just had the daily morning stretch, only shorter. Obviously feeling a bit slow today.
Feeling opinionated today as well, would like to march to the barricades for a few matters concerning a new, huge and expensive public transport plan for my city; and the new, sneaky, idiotic Government that was elected while I was minding my country's business in Australia. However my annoyement is not that deeply rooted that I could still be bothered much about it. I probably wouldn't be bothered much about many other things, even those directly concerning me.
But the same songs over and over again on the radio do piss me off.
The Humaworm capsules, just like a year ago, make me belch a bit a couple of minutes after consuming. Last time I wasn't on the fast, so it must be the capsules' contents itself. I don't mind, though, it makes me feel like I've just had some nicely spiced dish.
A colleague is munching on a burger behind me.
No sweat, none at all.
I notice my calmness in me not having anything to write in my other 'angsty blog'. I haven't made proper entries... probably from day 1 of the fast! I did write a bit on today's youngsters, but it was a positive entry, filled with the realization of how connected we all are. So that's good as well. The summer's coming - slowly - and things can only get better.
I seem to be the only one standing on bus stops with gloves, ear muffs and a scarf on. I even wear long-johns ("romance killers", as we say over here) underneath my only pair of jeans that aren't torn from the crotch (and these are torn into very visible wide rips from the front of both of my thighs - designer rips gone bad after long use). I still have the radiator on under my desk, and need to have a cup of chai straight after coming to work. My feet and hands are cold, along with the tip of my nose (which - actually - is cold most of the time, usually due to being nervous about something).
I'll move on to reading philosophy for my second entry exams. I got that €100 off my dad, and now I'll be able to make it to those two exams next week. For the first, the most important one, I'll need to take a bus from Helsinki at 0050 in the morning, and it'll arrive around 0720. The exam starts at 9am, and lasts until 1400. OUCH. The other one's easier though, it's the entry exam to study Practical Philosophy (I applied as a joke, this could be funny enough), the city's only some two hours away, and I've got good mates from Australia living there. Should be fun, two days off work! Yay! I got donated two thermos containers so that I can bring along some warm tomato soup and broth as well as my juices and Molkosan water. I'm relatively confident this fast will only make my mind sharper for those challenging events.
But right now I'm just tired.
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Didn't get to read any philosophy, but instead got some other things done. I think the fast has made me prone to suck in all sugars, and in the afternoon I got such a rush that it can only be because of the juices I've drank. Right now I feel hyper, and it's not entirely in a good way.
I made a semi-angsty blog entry with my own suggestion for the public transport plan. I also sent my landlord an email with a list of all the maintenance required in my flat (quite a few little things, and I'll have to do the re-painting myself [which, luckily, will be paid back, and is tax-deductable]).
Now I just keep being surprised about how my tummy feels. Yet flatter! I know the little wobble is fat not water, so maybe now that more water weight has come off some fat-burning has started taking place? I really really hope so! The only real thing I haven't been able to fix with exercise (after a while, anyway) is that bulge, which seems to be a bit genetic too, since its shape is typical to my mum's side of the family. I'm so used to a "comfortable" tyre it feels really strange to have less of it. I really really really want the state to last. If nothing else, that would be the main thing I want to get out of this fast. It's either fasting and detoxing, or liposuction. That's a fact.
Now, I'll go home, and use this excess energy into some... Well, probably reading. There's not much to do in an empty flat with no money.
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