Thoughts about Trust
Forum: Relationship Support
- Thoughts about Trust
R by Autumn
Lately I'm seeing people writing about hurt feelings regarding trust, and evidently their pain is deep and sincere.
You know, I have this idea that Trust is an operational definition. We trust each person to do or to NOT do specific things under specific conditions. When we say "I trust you 100%," what does that mean? Maybe it's a good idea to figure that out and TELL the other person what that does or does not mean.
One time a guy told me "I trust you 100%," but all it meant was, he trusted me enough that he could turn his back when I was in the room. Well in my opinion this is not a very high level of trust though he sure thought it was!
Or, I have a dear darling solid-gold friend but I can't trust her to operate a car safely, and one of our boundaries is that I will never again get in a car with her.
If there are extra brownies at a staff meeting I can't be trusted to not stay after and eat them all.
So I think we have special Trust expectations and boundaries with each person.
Those of you reporting trust issues with a partner,
What do you trust your partner to do or not do?
What trust track record do you need from her or him?
Did you tell the partner that?
And if you are setting up "tests" for your partner, why?
The Christian people say that Jesus taught the "Our Father" saying "Lead us not into temptation," or in other words "Don't let me get too far out on a limb." If we are encouraged to ask God to steer us only in safe ways, maybe we should think hard before playing God and encouraging a partner to step on to thin ice.
Life is already full of tests, and I think the idea of a relationship is to join forces and help one another overcome temptations, not cook up new ones and spring them on each other.
Just a thought.
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