Was it rape? A boy the victim and th... 
#109308
15 y
203,278
R Educational
This has a little twist, because I'm a small girl, about 5'2 and he has a little muscular build and is 6 ft. I know it's a little unusual to think a small girl can overtake a big guy, but I can't help but feel I raped my boyfriend a year ago.
I should let you know that I had a history of sexual abuse with close friends and family members. The reason for me saying this is because I was wondering if there was a connection between my history of sexual abuse and the "rape". I read somewhere that people who were sexually abused when they were younger tend to grow up to be sexual abusers themselves.
I'd also like to add that my boyfriend is a pretty sensitive guy despite his size. He has never laid a finger on anyone or used his strength to overpower weaker people. I guess you can say he's a gentle giant. He detests hurting me in anyway, no matter how small. That may be the reason why I was able to overtake him.
I slept over my boyfriend's house one night and both of us were a little drunk. I wanted to have sex, but he didn't because he was tired. I ignored him, then proceeded to climb on top of him. He tried to push me off, telling me he just wanted to sleep and he wasn't in the mood. I used all my weight to pin him down, though I'm not sure how, considering he's a lot bigger and stronger than me. He got really pissed off, telling me to get off of him and let him sleep. Instead, I started doing things to arouse him, like kissing his neck and masturbating him.
He got really frustrated and was able to push me off. I sat at the end of the bed, making him feel guilty by saying, "Am I ugly right now? Do you not like me anymore?" He automatically felt bad for me and told me that he loved me and everything but just wanted to sleep. I climbed on top of him again. This time I really had to wrestle him because he started fighting back. I somehow got his pants off and forced him to penetrate me by sitting on him. I teased, "If you don't want to do it, then when are you so hard?" He responded angrily, "Just because you got me aroused doesn't mean I want to! That's just how guys' bodies respond to being touched like that! I'm serious, I don't want to do this, I just want to sleep!"
He pushed me off again and tried to wrap himself in a blanket to prevent me from doing anything, but I ripped it off, climbed on him, and forced him to penetrate me again. I even pinned his wrists down to the bed, though it was very difficult. I tried to keep him aroused by using my tongue, lips, and hands while having sex with him. He finally gave up fighting and lay still until I was finished. After I was done, he put his clothes back on and transferred to another bed without a word. That whole weekend after, he was very moody with me.
I know it's a strange story and some of you may think "that's not rape, big guys can't be raped by small girls!" but think about it... what if it was the other way around? The impact would definitely be felt by that story if I was the victim. Society has made us believe that guys are always stronger and can never be the weak victims of sexual assault, but I don't see how this is any different if I were the one being pinned down, aroused against my will, and forced to have sex. The reality is I forced him to have sex and he was emotionally affected by it. Of course, we made up and everything is fine now, but I still can't shake off the feeling that I actually raped my boyfriend. I feel really horrible about it... especially since I really look down on sexual abusers or get angered when I hear about young girls getting sexually abused and raped. I myself am a victim, and still resent my friends and grandfather who molested me. That's why I'm so upset about what I did to my boyfriend; I feel like that made me no different than my abusers.
What are your thoughts on that? I would like to hear opinions, but please don't be rude or obnoxious about it. This is a serious matter that not many people take into consideration or take seriously.
I especially would like to hear the opinions of men, particularly those who may have gone through something similar. I'm wondering if a situation like this could ever make it feel like "rape" for you and if you would ever feel violated instead of aroused, even by someone attractive.- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Sparque
15 y
201,467
This is a reply to # 1,327,821Well...I may not be the person you want to hear from,..I had a student who was raped by 2 girls...yeah...i know...every guys fantasy....but it hurt him so badly and deeply. This act has permeated his very being. he can tell if his feelings of desire are normal or part of the abuse. are girls out to hurt him, so he needs to hurt them first, and so on. so yeah...you could have raped him by just the actions of him being passive. what if he pushed you off, maybe hit or hurt you, then he would be the one in trouble. a no is a no, regardless of the gender saying it. Imagine this happened to you, or your daughter, niece, someone you care about....I'm sure you would be highly mad. Maybe you can talk with him, tell him you are sorry and didn't mean to use or humiliate him, but instead, wanted to try something fun and different. Maybe it got out of hand, but you never meant to hurt him...
I'm not sure if I make sense...I have had some after work/holiday calm down juice (wine)...so if I need to clarify....please email me....and i will write when i'm not so altered...
peace...and if you talk honestly...with your heart and risk some hurt....then things may work ok...
- Why do you need that label? Maverick494
15 y
200,452
This is a reply to # 1,327,821(OCC, I'm not a guy, so you might want to ignore this, but I wanted to reply to your story.)
Fist off: I think it's really great of you to post what you have done and being honest with yourself. As for the situation, it doesn't matter what label you or I put on it, it was wrong of you to force him to have sex with you against his will. But then, you don't need me to tell you that. There might be people that point out: he's a big guy, if he really didn't want it, he'd have fought you off. I guess in order to do that he'd have to hurt you and he sounds like the kind of person who'd rather cut off his right arm than to hurt a loved one. I guess that makes you feel even worse, doesn't it?
Say I'd say: Yes, that's rape. It doesn't change what happened, yet the label will make all the difference. If you think you haven't punished yourself enough for this and need a horrible stamp like "rapist" to punch you in the face in order to come to terms with what you did, I'll be happy to supply it for you.
But you're already beating yourself up about this, and if it happened a year ago, it means you've been walking around with this for quite a while already. It's good you feel horrible about what you've done and your post shows that you're not afraid to confront yourself and look at it from a distance. However, labeling it rape, whether it is or not, is not going to help either of you.
Did you talk with your boyfriend about this? I mean, really talk it out. From you post I have the feeling you two kissed and made up and dismissed it quickly, without addressing the matter head on. Does he know you're still carrying this emotional baggage around? How does he feel about it today, or does he avoid the subject altogether? I guess the most important thing is to tell him (if you haven't already) how you feel about what you did and get it off your chest. After all, there has to be a reason you're still actively thinking about it today.
You know you will never do such a thing again. And that's what's important. All humans make mistakes. Your mistake might seem bigger than most, but that doesn't mean it has to knock you down for the rest of your life. We fall so we can learn to pick ourselves up again. So get up, give it a place in your head so you'll never forget, but don't let it ruin your life. Your life has been hard enough as it is.
My two cents. Though they're probably not worth shit during this economic recession.
- You got to be kidding - BS story 100... TheObserver
15 y
200,394
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,327,821There is no possiblity to the total truth to that story.
I feel foolish for clicking on the topic now - won't make the mistake again
- Re: You got to be kidding - BS story... Maverick494
15 y
200,338
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,330,185Really? Stranger things have happened. Why are you so convinced it's bogus? Because it's not possible a small girl did this to a man? Depends. A normal, bit aggressive man wouldn't have let this happen. This guy sounded like he wouldn't swat a fly. And they were drunk. Sure, it's surprising, but not impossible.
- Re: You got to be kidding - BS story... tyciol
14 y
199,355
- Re: You got to be kidding - BS story... tyciol
14 y
199,355
- Re:Sure you will this is CZ remember... blubruddah 15 y 200,283
- Re: You got to be kidding - BS story... Maverick494
15 y
200,338
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... #75156
15 y
200,629
This is a reply to # 1,327,821some of the posts on this board read like stories out of "Forum" or something
can men be raped? search google and find out for yourself you might be shocked to learn some facts- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Sparque
15 y
200,517
This is a reply to # 1,332,217I didn't bother reading the link....so that my fault.
I am reminded of a judge in France who said that a female who wore jeans could not possibly be raped. She had to be a willing participant, with the man needing to unbutton, unzip her pants, then do his pants. Or the judge somewhere here in the U.S. who aquited a man of child molesting because the girl was sexy and displayed a mature, sensual and seductive manner...oh yeah... I forgot...the girl was 5 years old.
So yes, males can be raped, happens in prison frequently, happens to boys on the street frequently, and yep...women can be aggressors.
so....If my comments are off topic from your link....I'm sorry....and I will punish myself later...- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... tyciol
14 y
199,230
This is a reply to # 1,332,827Gotta admit the whole 'women in jeans' and 'hot 5yo' things don't seem to relate too directly to this, but don't beat yourself up about it.
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... tyciol
14 y
199,230
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Sparque
15 y
200,517
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... #111671
15 y
200,042
This is a reply to # 1,327,821Jesus, you are a terrible woman! HE SAID NO! You need to either turn yourself in or kill yourself, or dedicate your life to being this man's property.
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... tyciol
14 y
199,244
This is a reply to # 1,364,992Actually she doesn't 'need' to do any of these things. She doesn't need to become property (and I doubt he'd even want that) and killing yourself solves nothing.
She could turn herself into the police, though I'm not sure if charges would be pressed.
The best solution might be to ask her boyfriend what he wants her to do, to apologize to him and become a person.- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Londoner84
13 y
196,566
This is a reply to # 1,603,514I don't of course know whether the scenario in the original post was real or not.
Your replies to the thread all make logical sense, but your reaction would be A LOT fiercer against the perpetrator in the story if they were a man who did exactly the same things as described, let us not be under any misapprehension about that!
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Londoner84
13 y
196,566
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... tyciol
14 y
199,244
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... sdsdwd
15 y
200,291
This is a reply to # 1,327,821I think this is a very sad situation for a number of reasons.
Putting it bluntly, yes you indeed did rape him.
But it wasn't your fault.
YES YOU COULD HAVE CONTROLLED YOUR ACTIONS but...
it's like it programmed onto your brain.
You were unaware of what you were doing because
supposely its non-existant.
You see, whenever someone says rape or abuse,it always refers to heterosexual WOMEN. Sometimes, people would think about children getting raped, very rarely would it be about grown men. People pretend the gays,bisexuals and lisbeans and transsexuals who get abused from their panthers is non-existant But i'm very sure, this happens.
"Evil men" are rapist against heterosexual woman and hit them.
Because of this logic of thinking, everybody else gets away with the rape/abuse because the rest of the victims ouside that have little to no support.
There was a young guy in africa(i think around 20) who was raped by three woman around his age, while they held a gun to his head. I think he also got shot and may have gotten hiv or an std from the rape. This wasnt any in the NEWS, i just happen to find it online. -_- and the comments were so ingorant( hahah he's a guy and he got raped) god it just disgusts me. No one gives him support for coming forward towards the police and all he gets is mean comments.
People hurt people everyday, and the victims are of all colors, sexes, race and orientation. Its ridiculous to think one is more than the other. But unfortenly, in this world, heterosexual women are the only victims from the "evil men". SOMETIMES they refer it to children, but its normally women.
Due to this lack of visiblity, some women can get away with raping and abusing their hushand verbally and physcially(this also goes to the lgbt and the children who have fear instilled in them by their predator)
Therefore, you did not realize what you were doing.
What may have seem like an innocent game to you, turned out not only something that affected him, but affected you as well. It's not your fault though. Just now, that you know, rape can affect anyone, don't every do that again. I feel bad for him for being the victim, and i feel bad for you doing that, since you were a rape victim yourself.
I'm glad you and your boyfriend talked it out.
Let him know you really are sorry :(
- Culpability of a rapist Londoner84
13 y
196,720
This is a reply to # 1,428,824Hang on - if you use prejudices and abstract ideas instilled by cultural/ social conditioning as a justification for saying that a female rapist is not responsible for her crime, then by the same token you could also say that a MALE rapist who was badly brought up or who was from a culture that was more tolerant of male rapists should not be blamed for his actions either.
Both suggestions are absolute rubbish. Everyone is fully responsible for a violent crime that they themselves commit of their own free will. It does not matter what strange ideas the wider society or the government may have.
Forcing sexua| acts and sexua| intercourse on an unwilling person using physical violence and inspite of their repeated refusals is definitely rape. Rape is one of the worst crimes an individual can commit. There can be no extenuation for it.
Anyhow, female on male rape is just beginning to be recogised as a crime, even though it will be a while before the public understand it properly. - Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Chelsea Luv
8 y
23,352
This is a reply to # 1,428,824Oh this comment is just sooooooo wrong...it wasn't her fault? That is like telling a pedophile he isn't at fault for raping a baby...oh...it's ok, you were abused too, so you are not at fault. The pedophile & the rapist (including this girl) are totally at fault. They may have urges and desires, but they chose to hurt others.
- Culpability of a rapist Londoner84
13 y
196,720
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... tyciol
14 y
199,242
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... bristol uk
13 y
196,916
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Londoner84
13 y
196,556
This is a reply to # 1,327,821I am a 27 year old man and I live in London. I have never been raped, thank goodness, although I was sexually harassed a bit by three other boys when I was 14 and at school, for what that is worth.
Yes, the situation described in your post is rape. If it really happened and you are not just posting a hypothetical scenario out of curiosity, then you should have turned yourself in to the police... That is the only right thing anyone who commits a criminal act can do. However it may not have done any good, since in the US it almost certainly would not have been taken seriously either by the police or by the courts and to an extent I am afraid that this is also true in the UK, my own country.
The problem comes with that 19th century idea that still persists in English speaking countries that women cannot be perpetrators of abuse. Most men do not know that rape by women is possible, INCLUDING men who have been victims. Most women do not know that it is possible either, INCLUDING women who have been perpetrators.
http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/ask-dr-helen-can-a-man-be-raped-by-a-woman/
The story Dr Helen Smith has presented here received a lot of ignorant and rude comments. It reflects the blindness of many people in our culture to both the possibility and the seriousness of the issue of female on male rape.
But at least in the 21st century male on male rape is finally beginning to be widely recognized as a real problem.
I have never been raped so my view is of limited value compared to that of men who are victims, but my opinion is, that if I were raped by a female person, then however good looking she was, I would feel just as disgusted and violated as I would feel if another man had raped me. - Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Oracle MOV
12 y
187,312
This is a reply to # 1,327,821I've got some concerns about your post. I realize that it is now 3 years old, but I have to say that I was a bit taken aback by what you described.
I am male and have been sexually abused/assaulted by 2 girls I knew in high school. They put some sort of dope into a coke I was drinking and when I finally managed to shake off the dope haze, both were raping me. One by oral sex, the other by sticking a dild0 up my rectum.
I was totally and completely ashamed and did not tell anyone for a few years. When I did manage to get the courage up to confront the 2 girls , they laughed and said I was lucky to have 2 girls having sex with me. I should have gone to the police, but being a male, they would have either laughed or congratulated me on how lucky I was. I spun into a deep Depression for a while. I was raped and no one would believe me or help me.
Guys aren't believed when they tell others about being raped by women/girls.
My chief concern is that you are writing a post asking if what you did to your boyfriend constituted rape. You knew he would not risk injuring you and you took advantage of that fact.
You need to face the facts. You committed a sexua| assault and no amount of justification about what happened to you when you were younger matters. Being sexually abused does not give you license to sexually abuse others.
Was a crime committed? I would say yes. Will you ever be held accountable? I think not. You have to live with what you did. So does you boyfriend. Even if you are no longer seeing each other, he will have to live with what you did.
I think you need to have a frank and honest conversation with your BF and apologize. You need to find out how you actions have affected him. Perhaps then you can figure a way to alter your behavior and victim mentality.
If this post seems harsh, too bad. I went through a sexua| assault by 2 girls and it did a number on my self confidence and ability to trust girls.
If the female reader think I just need to get over my sexua| assault, I will ask a question. If you were raped did you just "get over it" with out help? - Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... bacca2003
11 y
157,137
This is a reply to # 1,327,821she said she was drunk somehow. can you show me the video of the rape?
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... ikra
10 y
106,406
This is a reply to # 1,327,821this is five years old but yes it was rape and u were a strong person to have spoken out and it was rape and u dnt deserve to be judged it was not ur fault i just hope everything is well and u and the guy is ok
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Mac924
10 y
99,690
This is a reply to # 1,327,821The important thing is, that you recognize what you did and do not repeat it. I was raped 4 yes ago by my ex gf. We were drinking. I passed out. When I woke up, my hands and feet were tied to the bed. I asked her to untie me. But she didn't. She stimulated me and proceeded to rape me. I asked her to stop. I said no. It didn't matter. Then because I asked her to stop she got mad and sodomized me. I have not dated since and am not sure that I will.
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... ashiaa
10 y
93,764
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Degna
10 y
93,273
This is a reply to # 1,327,821I think you should be burned alive, you sick little rapist cunt, and I hope I live to see you scream in agony as your flesh melts off.
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Rextin
10 y
86,900
This is a reply to # 1,327,821I have a girlfriend and she does this all the time, always on me forcing me to have sex, but don't get me wrong I like sex, but its so frequent to the point of overkill, but I love her she's kind very loving too but sometime I wonder why she exactly forces me into sex all of the time, I tried asking her on the subject and she wouldn't tell me she started to soon after but I comforted her and told her im sorry for asking, literally just after she asked me if she could things to my dick so I (ashamed to do so)took it out and let her do whatever she wanted to it. my friends tell me im lucky, but im worried for her... why does she always go to sex as comfort? was something in the past to blame? but whatever the reason is I love her and I have a golden ring and im ready to propose to her :3
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... FannySuga94
9 y
70,547
This is a reply to # 1,327,821Hey, You know? I am 15 years old. yeah i know im too young for read this but i have a crush . he is 17 . Well, i love him but he dosn't love me. so somethimes i fell like i want to rape him if we had a night class. So, i think raping a boy or man is a normal thing ^^ .
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... CrazyIsaiah
9 y
67,044
This is a reply to # 1,327,821WTF... Yes that is rape! And I'm afraid to ever meet u if I ever see u I'm going to run!
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... leepern123
8 y
24,769
This is a reply to # 1,327,821
I was raped by a woman years ago she invited me back to her place for a coffee we sat down for a while she got up and grabbed and overpowered me she was a big woman, then tied and gagged me so i could not move or make a sound she then had sex with me for hours she went out next morning and said she will be back in 8 hours time. I stuggled for a while but it was no use so i just lay there helpless when she came in she said sorry and untied me i said alright and we had a good relationship. it is not as bad for a man a woman can get away with it.
- Re: Was it rape? A boy the victim an... Sparque
15 y
201,467
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