burning up old useless ideas

Date:   9/17/2006 2:17:31 AM ( 18 y ago)

It wouldn't hurt to mention, this is the 2nd day I've staved off the urge to eat compulsively. I tend to do this when my life gets stressful, i.e. being between jobs. I recognized that it's just an effort to control my source of unhappiness, that it doesn't work and that I'd rather just feel the pain now then put it off and feel numb and full of self-loathing. It's with God's help, I swear. I asked God for help removing my compulsion to eat when disturbed. I deeply decided I was willing to feel the pain of whatever I'm trying to suppress. then last night, this old man acquaintance insisted on walking with me all the way home. I felt agitated with my inability to bring myself to shoo him away. I like and have compassion for him but Really wanted him to go away. I realized upon getting in the door that I was agitated cuz part of me wanted to stop and buy food to eat and hate myself for, and I didn't want him to see me do it. And then I was grateful for him and all of it. I hope I'll be able to stick with it, and now I have this burning fever, but either way, it seemed noteworthy.

 

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URL:   http://www.curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=983363

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