Some random thoughts, and another successful day! Whew!

Date:   7/11/2006 7:52:26 AM ( 18 y ago)

It was better today.

I was sort of hoping C would come back to work and tell me she had cheated; that she had eaten something on the weekend and she was sorry, because all the while I've known her she hasn't had the strongest willpower with any of the diets she's been on. However, my hopes were dashed- she came in all bright eyed and happy about the fast... it looks like I'll be in for the long haul. I was very glad to be back at work- this is much easier during work days.

Make no mistake- I can appreciate the benefits that something like this has, but do I think it's for everyone? No. Is it for me? I don't know. I felt better on this day and I wasn't weak or hungry, but my emotional ties to food are too strong. I don't know if I was ready (or even aware of) to try to weaken that bond. I'm not a particularly bad eater overall and I'm not overweight, but I was developing bad habits quickly and I needed to break my sugar addition. For me, this fast is very difficult, and at this point it's definitely mind over matter. I'm battling against my mind.

I don't know if I was really ready to take this on, even though I thought I was- I didn't exactly hit any sort of rock bottom and I'm not motivated by losing weight, but I do enjoy a challenge or two, and believe me, this is a challenge. I've read through the "cold blogs" and I see many, many of them have been abandoned before their intended goals and I wonder if they just gave up (probably most likely) or if they just didn't blog about it anymore.

Even though I've repeatedly said I want to throw in the towel I have a feeling I won't; I mean, think about it- we have any type of food within arm's reach pretty much, so is taking a 10 day break really anything to whine about? I'm not exactly suffering- more like rediscovering food and being so appreciative of the fact that there isn't anything I can't have, pretty much whenever I want it. I don't even think about it; I open a cupboard for something, see a chocolate bar and instinctively break off a piece and before I know it, I've eaten the whole thing.

Anyway, my sixth day went much like my fifth; I'm still fairly regular (no SWF yet) and sticking to the lemonade. My BF and I went to Costco after work and I was craving the mixed nuts they have there; we get them all the time and is one of my favourite snacks. They also had plenty of food samples, all of which I had to pass up; they even had a brown rice sampler, lol. That would have been nice. :)

When we were done my BF got himself a sausage on a bun and a caramel sundae for dessert (did I mention he's not the most health conscience eater? lol) which he ate as we sat down at a table. It didn't particularly bother me too much as neither of those things would have appealed to me even before the fast but I couldn't get my mind off the mixed nuts sitting in our cart. Oh, one day Mixed Nuts, you will be mine again.

I finished the day off much like the others and went off to bed.


 

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