3 Days down and feeling hopeless but proud of my effort.

Date:   5/15/2006 8:31:03 AM ( 18 y ago)

Greets, everybody, and particularly you beauty fasters and anybody rooting for me - feeling a little bone-weary and drained, but the depression is probably circumstantial today. Felt very restless for a litle while last night - probaly grain withdrawal or just fasting detox. No hunger. Finaly managed to have 64 oz of green drink - grass, water, and some raw agave nectar. I'd been having less the first two days.

Had a full cup of urine this morning - it was very dark.

My face looks simply awful - in fact, puffier and coarser and fatter than usual, or so it seems. Is that imaginary, or could it be toxins in my system? I even sprouted overnight a brand new prominen-on-my-chin liver spot, so I'm even uglier. Not fair - just not fair! It makes me wonder if I'm somehow doing something even worse, but it's not as if I can see how I could be allergic to grass! Or really-raw agave, for that matter. (Or fulvic or AFA.)

The uglinesss/puffines/coarseness makes me really feel like doing that strict fast - ketosis fast - I was taking of, but it would surely be more intelligent to just cling to this grassarianism and give it time. If I do a strict fast, risk bingeing and becoming rudderles in terms of a commitment and solid, long-term plan. And I've had enough experience with stricter fasts to know that you shouldn't believe the hype - it's very,very far from the philosopher's stone they make it out to be.

Still, i feel very helpless and hopeless and don't know what to do. I suppose I should just keep going. We fasters surely know that it's not a simple matter of improving whatever condition we're fasting for a little every day, incrementally. That's what they say, anyway.

It does feel good at the end of the day to know you really did it. So much better than if you went to bed having gone off your fast! But, as you know, that feeling just evaporates when you don't have the results, any sign you'll ever have the results. I wish I felt it was just a matter of a journey from point X to point Y, however long, but traversable by putting one foot/day in front of the other. I guess it's like that with weight loss - quantifiable like that - but ugliness doesn't work that way, it's like breaking the sound barrier, or, for me, the speed-of-light barrier. To get from here to there is not a matter of steps on a line, but somehow getting from one dimension/universe to another. I feel the physics is quite beyond me and what is possible to do.

I will think some more about whether to switch to a stricter fast - so far I've just had urine today.

Best of luck, everyone!

Oh, by the way, for you non-beauty-fasters, nothing to report, except lack of hunger and that restlessness. Also, that night-time fear that one has gone off one's fast, and those jolly eating nightmares, have started! Been having some emotional detox, almost crying.

 

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