My X-rated food fantasies allow me to virtually eat and still squeeze into the next smaller size

Date:   6/2/2006 1:21:42 AM ( 18 y ago)

I'm so happy to be wearing jeans that have been just a distant memory for such a long time. True, they are skin tight. Yes, I also confess I had to lie down ---- and hold my breath --- to zip them up. And yes, they aren't the latest style and cut. And yes, they are too tight around the gut to feel fabulous, but I will joyfully accept the little victories! I'm well on my way to my Extreme Goddess Makeover. The biggest change was in my thinking about myself. To exchange the old negative self-talk to "Hey, I'm gorgeous!" That drives the whole system of transformation. More goddessy-stuff today: had a spa pedicure and made a Saturday appointment with a top-level expert in my town to give myself a complete color and haircut makeover ---- just like on the TV shows! My hair is just not working for me!

I'm also happy to find I can virtually eat and attain satisfaction from it! What a significant finding! As an addictive personality, it is easy for me to switch addictions .... when not overeating, I could easily fall into over-spending. So I learned to sometimes put clothes and other items in my shopping cart, walk around with them in the store for a half-hour, (during which time they were "mine"), and then put them back before leaving, as I had got my "fix". Didn't spend a dime. Well, I never tried it with food, but during this extended fast, I began to have some heavy food fantasies in the evenings.

Usually, all my cravings ended up with eating. (Never had a craving I didn't act upon!)

But I have discovered I can virtually eat! I mean, go into a fantasy in my mind of entering the restaurant of my choice, order what I want, see it being prepared just for me, savor the anticipation of the finished meal, and then .... (ta-DAH!) happy and "full" of the sensory experience, exit the fantasy---and NOT need to act upon it. Just have a big chug of water instead. This is a HUGE breakthrough! I also fantasize what it will feel like the next day if I DID indulge in that unhealthy food --- yuck! The upset stomach, the bloating, the puffy face, the lack of self-respect! The scale climbing up, the self-esteem going down. Poof! It never happened! Not a recurring nightmare of deja vu, but all that gone in the blink of an eye!

What a glorious feeling to understand that what I resist, persists! So as I indulge (rather than resist) my food cravings (in fantasies only), and skip the part where I feel like crap the next day, I feel like I have the best of both worlds. Is it working for me? So far, yes.

I have a closet crammed full of pretty clothes. Goddess clothes, sexy clothes, classy clothes, hip clothes. Pretty clothes, dammit, that don't fit! These are clothes that were tight when purchased, and a lot of them never worn! I would buy them as incentive. Yeah, kinda pathetic, but I guess I am the endless optimist. I threw away the ugly fat clothes. So I've been wearing just a few items for a while now while I gained momentum on my Extreme Goddess Makeover. The big changes has been interior work on myself and LOVING myself. So my goal is to not only wear these clothes, but to wear them well! Not squeezed in like a sausage (like the jeans I'm wearing right now as I type this), but have them be luxuriously baggy .... needing to be taken in, needing to be given away in exchange for the latest styles. Now, I'm not a totally self-obsessed narcissistic clothes horse, but this blog is about reclaiming the beauty that I have abandoned in too many years of not loving myself, putting myself last and others first. Losing myself.

Thank the goddess that I still am healthy and feeling vital life energy in my body. The last time I was at my ideal weight was 20 years ago! That SUCKS! I am giving myself this slim body now, THIS YEAR, 2006, and not waiting another moment to get serious about permanent slimness.

Tomorrow I'm driving to LA to have lunch with my dear friend Shakina, who is a supremely talented goddess, channeling cosmic art and creating goddess fashions, banners and all sorts of good things to inspire living in joy. Shakina travels all summer on the festival circuit, selling her beautiful creations. She is so successful, she is buying an 8.5 acre flower farm on the Big Island! Check out her website: http://www.dancingshakina.com.



 

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