Towards the evening an interesting thing happened. I took a nap from 5 until 6:30. Dinner time in the dining halls is between 5 and 7. the college also has a cafe, fast-food style, that is open all the time, and where I ususally get my water--they have Smart Water (which is distilled water enhanced with electrolytes) and I love it. They also have Odwalla juices, which I like as well, they are the best alternative to raw juicing, which I can't do because I don't have a juicer and even if I did, I wouldn't have anything to juice, as the college is a bit isolated and going to a grocery store involves taking two buses and takes 2 hours...plus it would be expensive as I would be paying for both the juicing and the meal plan (wwe all have to be on the meal plan).
Anyway, so when I woke up from my nap it was 6:30, so the dining hall (which is in the same building where I live, it takes me 20 seconds to wak there from my room) was still open for dinner. And I had the same urge to go in there and eat as I did during the three times last week when I had dinner. I mean a very strong urge. I was not hungry, I just wanted to eat--and not raw vegetables, I wanted to eat cooked food. Then in the middle of trying to resist this urge, I stopped and examined it. What was it that was making me feel so weak in the face of temptation? I was aware the fast was beneficial and that going in there and eating pasta would be bad and unhealthy. I am a very logical person and yet this desire (addiction?) was stronger than me. After examining it even deeper, I became aware that it was the same feeling that made me fo and eat the things that I KNOW are not good for me in the past 5-6 years (i.e. white flour and sugar products mainly). I knew perfectly well after all I had read that they are unhealthy. I knew that I would be better off eating salads and fruits. And yet the cravings were stronger than my logic. It was very frustrating.
So while examining the urge to eat tonight I became aware of all this. And I realized that I'm not really that weak, and that I can simply listem to some of my favorite songs on my MP3 player and that will give an even better feeling than eating pasta will. I simply allowed that eating desire to be there knowing that I can always feel good even without eating comfort food.
After that I went to see a theatre play with some friends and of course forgot all about eating. It's kind of amazing, how if I simply stopped and looked that strong desire for cooked food in the face, it suddenly lost some of its power.
After the play I did drink an Odwalla juice (mango). However, I was aware that this was not the result of an uncontrollable urge to eat, and that this juice was ok to have and healthy. I do plan to go back to water tomorrow, and will resort to juice if need be.
