thoughts on why ive come so far

Date:   2/4/2006 6:23:40 PM ( 18 y ago)

pretty average day today. i woke up feeling really good went for a walk the weather here is beautiful so enjoying while it lasts. also did some weights, situps and squats and lunges. i will get those muscles toned yet! i have really just started telling some people about my juice fast seeing as i am going to make it to the end now. the reaction is quite interesting. most are just fascinated and say "i could never do that". i can tell some are really skeptical which was me before fast (new acronym BF!). everyone says congratulations and you must be so pround. well damn yes i am very proud. i still havent got the you look so good response but i suppose i dont really know poeple well enough - we have only lived here for 6 months. and some i have only none very briefly for 2 months mostly from my kids sports activities. but anyway it got me thinkin to why is it some people can do it and some cant - the fast that is.
i think dazzles point about knowing what is in store is a real key. (read dazzles blog if you are considering a fast) i knew from my friends experience. i knew there would be tuff times but some good times to follow. i didnt really know that i would still go up and down the whole way through the 30 days. but lie most things we all react differently and you have to be open minded to the whole journey not jsut the good bits. curezone has helped immensley being able to read other peoples blogs and experiences. the forums are great too. i really needed to do this blog, it made me feel accountable and that others were depending on me to let them know how i was going. the support has been so important i can hardly find words for it. but one of the things for me is that i just got to a point that i had to do something. i knew the fast worked for the weight loss and i needed the kick start. i didnt really care at the start if i got any of the other benefits just as long as the weight came off. well i am still a long way off my goal weight (which is somewhere around 140pd)i still have 38pd to go, but that is better than saying 60 pd to lose. but now i know it was much more than just the weight loss. i had to do this for myself to prove to myself i could. i just couldnt give up i felt like i would be givign up on me. it really wasnt an option. gawd i felt like it at times, i lost belief in what i was doing and had so many, questions, questions why am i doing this. but i can say that everynite i have gone to bed regardless of the day i had i felt really pleased with myself. i couldnt imagine what it would feel like getting up the day after if i broke the fast- i just didnt want that disappointment, i couldnt really afford that. i needed(still need) to build myself up and look after myself so the worse thing i could have done is let myself down by quitting. some have said to me taht i am so strong for doign this - well luckily on the juice fast if you have enought juice you never feel hungry, i dont think i cuold have done it if i had felt hungry constantly. but more than strength i was just really too scared to quit. if i cant do 30 days how can i change the rest of my life is how i felt. now i know it is not right to use fear as a motivation but that was a lot of it for me. also i am a bit stubborn and a little competitive if i say i am going to do something then i realy want to give it my best to do it. i have quit on things before, i have quit on school quit on friends and quit on myself. but this is something i couldnt quit. i have got to a stage in my life where i have to start doing what is best for me. not as a mum or a wife or daughter or sister. considereing i became a mum at 20yrs old i dotn think i have really ever done somehting just for me. i kind of skipped that part of my life but now its time to be an independent woman - who just happens to have a husband she loves and three kids who well really are the bees knees. -yes even the 14 yr old Ha!
i jsut read what i wrote and i really hope that if someone is reading this who has quit a fast you dont feel bad - hopefully just inspired to try agian when the time is right for you. and then you will feel as good about yourself as i do now. timing is important. you have to really want to do it. i think if i had tried to do this fast even 6 months earlier i dotn think i would have got this far.
but this still is only 30 days the proof is in the pudding my friends so i will continue to be accountable via this medium and continue to exercies and continue to lose weight. i am making this statement now - i will never again sit back and watch my weight increase. i am never not giong to fit into these jeans i have on now ever again!
oh and by the way i just found out this program i am doing was designed as a 28 day program - but nah....im going all the way to 30!

thank you for all the wishes and prayers for my father in law - julie

 

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