trials and tribulations

Date:   1/13/2006 11:47:57 AM ( 18 y ago)

i gotta say i am feeling much better today. on other days i have had these really weird head rush almost like stoned feeling (but not a good stoned) soon after I juice. but they are lasting less time and less intensity today. last nite I went to bed thinking of food and all the food I want to eat. then I had a dream where I actually ate a veggie hamburger with mushrooms lettuce and tomato. I woke up with a guilty feeling but a really good guilty. I think this is how a teenage boy must feel like after his first wet dream. still only juicing 6 but going to try today to get 7 in. also need to poo more so have to work on that. I have lost 3 pound since I bought the scales which was 2 days ago, so I think it would be a total of 6 pound in 5 days. I would like that to be a little closer to 10 pound so I am goin to start to exercise. today is really the first day I really have felt like goin for a walk so here goes. on Monday I am actually thinking about goin to the gym???? still not so sure as feel too fat to go in but have to get over that because that is the best way for me to lose the weight fast. and I do like it when I build up my muscles which at the moment are so mushy. also decided that on day 10 (Wednesday) I am booking in for massage. then I will go weekly while I am juicing. bank balance may not agree but i think it is important for me to find a new way to treat myself (use to be food). all in all though I gotta say I feel pretty damn good. I am sure this is going to get better. I’d only be lying if I dindt say that I really do miss eating. I have being cooking kids meals and that has been fine but I am queen of left overs so I have to throw out anything that isn’t consumed on the spot. also making the kids clean everything away after they eat to make sure no trace of food in kitchen. my husband was doing this fast with me. even though he definately does not need to lose weight - he really wanted to cleanse. however he is away on business trip and started to eat. i feel ok about this as i know this has to be my journey. i really still need his support and encouragement which i am sure he will give me. but i will be fine when he comes home and starts eating meals. it is more the act of eating and the tastes that i miss rather than the food. i am not at all hungry. very suprising how my eatign is associated to so much more than hunger. two other things that have suprised me - firstly i never realised there is so much advertising on tv for food and secondly there are definately forces out there eager to see me defeated. on the first day of juicing my brand new juicer broke after 4 juices. this was at 7 o'clock at nite when i was about to juice my dinner. then when i reluctantly went and bought a set of scales they let me weight myself once (which was really hard for me to do) and then broke. but i didnt let this get to me and here i am on day 5 feeling like chargin on to day 30. yeah!!!

 

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