Renewed purpose

Date:   2/7/2006 9:06:30 AM ( 18 y ago)

Well, it's been a long ass time since I posted anything. Lots has happened. I've been going to the gym for like 4 weeks, and I weighed in finally last week. I weigh 199. That's f***ing enormous, not to get all crazy about it or anything, but wow. I was surprised. I guess I was really into deceiving myself, that all the times just snacking away were happening without any consequences, or eating really rich foods...

Also the fiance and I went out of town to a friends house, leaving the cat with the auto-feeder. She was and has been slowing down, getting arthritic, but always happy and loving to be petted. We knew she was slowing down and hoped she might pass away at home, without getting so sick that she'd have to go to the vet and all that.

We came home and found her, well, she had passed. Little ginger. So after two days of absolute depression, I'm coming out and I'm getting back into the weight loss thing for real. The gym has been great, I've been doing 40 minutes of cardio and weights, most weekdays. But I need to step it up.

What I've decided to try to do is to eat like a skinny person. I've really tried everything these last few weeks - even a weight-loss tape on CD. It's really relaxing, and it tries to get me to imagine myself thin. It might be working, because for the first time I can kind of picture myself thin.

So with that picture in my head, I'm moving forward. The wedding is creeping up. But I'm not going to sweat it - just one day at time. I do miss my cat a lot. I've been very emotional for the last 2 days. I hope I can get back into working again - I feel like I've been just floating.

I have a colonic scheduled for tomorrow so I'm hoping to just drink liquids today and tomorrow, if necessary have some celery or something.

 

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