Jan. 18, day 18 by drpr

Running out of food makes you very creative, which can be a good thing. Yesterday I had tried to make a raw Waldorf salad using tahini for the dressing. Although It wasn't too bad, it still had the taste of a desperation meal. I tried again today by making a fruit salad for lunch using apple, mango (the smaller kind I don't like), grapes and some tangerine juice. I grated cinnamon over it. Today's fruit juice "dressing" was much better than yesterday's tahini-based one, but my brain still rebelled because my favorite fruit salads have berries, grapes, watermelon and large, juicy mango, not dry stuff like apples. When I first started eating the salad I was totally disinterested in it, but after two bites my tastebuds totally perked up. It's very strange when my tastebuds enjoy something that my mind rebels against! Maybe that was a sign that my body was benefitting from the the meal. Unfortunately, applea often give me a stomach ache, and that's what I'm suffering from right now.

I weighed myself this morning and discovered I've lost 20 lbs!!! This absolutely amazing to me. I've never lost so much weight in such a short amount of time. Not only that, but I've had none of the guilty feelings I used to have when trying to lose weight in the past. When losing weight in the past, I used to overeat the foods I really liked, and then a few days before weigh-in I would practically starve myself and work out extra hard in order to lose the weight I knew I had regained. The day of weigh-in- and often the day after- I would "treat" myself with fattening foods like hot fudge sundaes or fast food. The most extreme of my binge/starve routine caused me to gain 9 lbs in one week and then lose 9 lbs the following week. I really tortured myself in those days! Although I'm still facing challenges in getting used to a life of raw foods, those challenges don't involve shame, anxiety or depression. It's almost like a dream! Now, today is not my official weigh-in day, so we'll see what the true verdict is on Sunday. But I'm excited!!