Now that I'm physically on track, it's time for emotional healing.

Date:   4/6/2006 11:36:32 AM ( 18 y ago)

These last six weeks I've taken only two sleeping pills. Sometimes I don't sleep much, but at least I'm alert and not groggy. I've smoked a bit here and there after meals, about once a week. But that sure beats a pack a day. And I've caved into a pizza here and there.

But overall, I feel alright.

I talked with a good friend a few nights ago about the pain I'm still carrying around from Jones (see posts below). I'm STILL hurting over that relationship. Now that my health is underway, it's time to unload some emotional baggage.

According to my friend's suggestion I wrote down all the things about the relationship that hurt me, that still hurt me. I kept writing, pouring it out. Sometimes I had to stop and cry. It took a few days; sometimes I'd remember something while I was on the street. I kept writing until there isn't anything else left to say about it. I finished a few hours ago and it's in an envelope. I won't read it because it will only continue to rehash my pain. I got it out, and now I want to let it go.

My friend said I should burn this. I don't know when we'll do it, but just knowing that it'll be all gone soon is a comfort to me. In fact, just talking about doing it made me feel better. And hearing my friend's thoughts about the guy: "There wasn't anything really special about him." Helped me immensely and I can't understand why. After listening to her, I felt lighter already. And these last few days have been good.

 

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