Feeling weak and tired, but not in pain.

Date:   5/9/2005 5:11:07 AM ( 19 y ago)

I'm nearing the end of Day 5 and plan to break the fast tomorrow morning with an apple, and continue to drink juice and eat salads and cooked vegetables, so I can be all eased out by Saturday night dinner plans with students.

I feel okay today, but very tired. No headache, and lower back pain from yesterday has subsided. Had a watery bm today with some dark, dark brown (almost black) gooey stuff. After a bowl of tomatoe, onion, ginger soup broth with a little sea salt last night I had some watery BMs (like another saltwater flush) with some tiny white califluor-looking balls in it. Yeast (I have frequent vaginal yeast infections) or polyps? Anyways, weird stuff is coming out of me.

Last night I slept at Jones' place and drank only water. I fell asleep long after him, feeling a bit antsy from the fast, and about him in general. I figured out that I can put my case to him without getting hysterical, and he's more willing to give me answers. Then I slept pretty well, and stayed in bed until about 11:00 a.m., dreaming I'd broken my fast with a box of doughnuts and felt ashamed and bloated! Obviously I was happy to awaken from that one.

Taking advantage of my day off work, I got on the commuter train up to a little seaside tourist attraction. Being a Monday and raining, it wasn't crowded. I couldn't stand seeing all the food on the street! And I felt cranky and negative, like I usually do when I'm not fasting. Until today, I'd felt fairly positive during the fast. Having the petty negativity come out so naturally disturbs me. It's something I have to consciously work on I think.

I bought orange juice from a street vendor, did a little shopping and got a very painful foot massage. I've had these done countless times since coming to Asia, and it hurts every time, but today I almost felt myself wanting to get out of the chair and run away, or at least cry during the session. I couldn't believe how sensitive I felt! The fast has definitely weakened me. But I've heard emotional issues come up during fasts. Anyway, I stuck it out and as usual my feet and calves felt warm and relaxed after the massage.

On the train home I wanted to sleep so badly, but figure I can hold out until tonight. Maybe go to bed earlier and get up tomorrow for a saltwater flush, some juice and an apple before going back to work. I just had some maple syrup lemonade and feel enough energy to sit here and type.

Friends have called today, but I've kept my phone off. I told Jones I was fasting and he didn't think it was strange. Funny how "alternative medicine" to westerners is just the old tried-and-true for many Asians. To him, the benefits of fasting was totally believeable and NO NEWS FLASH.

 

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