poem

Date:   2/22/2005 5:47:30 AM ( 19 y ago)

A Little Bit in Everyone.


This is the way that I learned how to die...
(watching a man as he fell from the sky)
& wheels crunching down on a young girls' head,
& waiting for Rat-man to bite me dead.

This is the way that I learned how to eat...
(every bite-: or I'd get my seat beat)..
or maybe just smeared, and smashed in my face..
Nine were the years that I ate in disgrace.

This is the way that I learned how to wake..
(Ice water splashing all over my face)
& blankets torn back, for a belt on my legs:
(this is the way that a child learns to beg)

This is the way that I learned how to laugh...
(cradled upon my daddys' big lap)
& (how many? ) whippings: (with each cleaning day)
Boy, how I'd laugh, when he beat me that way.

Here is the way that I learned how to love...
(raped by some boy, as he laughed from above)
& crying in blood on some damn empty floor..
(this is the moment I locked my hearts' door.)

This is the way that I learned what is fear..
(no one to listen..: and no one to hear)
& no one to care, if I lived or I died..
(no one to wipe blood and tears from my thigh)

This is the way that I learned how to hate..
(everything awful and ugly in fate)
& how children grow into grown-ups so cruel
(practising lessons they learned well in school)

This is the way that I learned a man's Law...
(thrown thru the air, by the seat of my jaw)
& here is the way that I learned a girls' place
(having his gun smashed down on my face.)

This is the way that I learned how to fly..
(dancing with shadows, as night passes by )
& singing my heart to the stars in the sky
(blinking back splinters that rip thru my eye).

This is the way that I learned what is real..
you eat or you die.. & you beg: or you steal..
(or lie in a bed with some stinkin' Fat Ass)
(All of these choices, I chose to let pass.)

And made for myself-- my own private world..
(where no one could touch the Invisible Girl)
who chose for herself: the Way and the means
by which she'd exist in the Land of Dead Dreams.

And this is the way that I learned how to cry..
Watching my life.. (like a joke, passing by )
with no one to see - (such a living nightmare)
Look closely at me, (my Love.) Do you dare???


Ami Joi Benton /long ago

 

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