Life can get us down

Date:   7/21/2015 1:28:08 AM ( 9 y ago)

My moods tonight are alternating between pure and wholesome SADNESS, and then utter RAGE.

Although I did recently end what seemed like a loving relationship with my sweetheart, it isn't the lost love and loneliness that is affecting my moods tonight - it is that harsh reality that so many people are stupid enough to believe that their lives are being made better by USING others, by HURTING others, and by COMPLAINING about other people.

Yes, I am feeling RAGE, but I refuse to act on it. I just want to try to HELP by GIVING and SUPPORTING and by being COMPASSIONATE towards other people.

Well, I DID do that for the past 10 years or so, but if the reward, or Kharma, is being treated as i have been for the past few months I might have lost me taste for being "Mr. Nice Guy".

Perhaps you have mostly escaped the low-life shitheads that are making my life so miserable... Troubled people populate my community, and as they say so true - "HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE".

Damaged in childhood, one of the worst ones is a tiny smelt of a woman, and she told me that "the world took so much from me when I was growing up, and now I am taking it back from anyone I can". She has been busted for shoplifting, and for assault, and for driving without insurance - anything that TAKES from the world.

She suffers all the more because of her attitude!! Well, right now I have to admit that my "giving loving and kindness and compassionate understanding" is not serving me too well, but at least I am not HER.

No, she is not the lover I recently rejected, but in fact my ex-girlfriend is also a "user" of others - whatever she can get from people, no holds barred. Her life sucks too - I made her life much easier for the year or so that we were together, but somehow she just steamrolled right through loving-kindness and took and took and used and shit on me anyhow.

Yuck!!

My neighbors, some of my family members, two police officers, and half the people I know, PLUS the wider world of political sociopaths,are just as bad. I feel surrounded by jerks.

And look at me COMPLAINING. Why now? - because I feel like giving up, I just cannot fight the good fight anymore. I am exhausted, and my wallet was stolen right out of my apartment, and then I was slugged and my one good friend was attacked by the slight woman described above...

I feel weak and tired and I really don't give one tiny care if I live or die tonight. Go ahead, kill me, I doubt if I would lift a finger to stop you. Suicide is so ugly, I just cannot do that to my [grown] sons.

Aw, crap - see you tomorrow. Blah!!


Raging against the useless and wasteful HURT that people inflict on each other is also a difficult and worthwhile task.


 

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