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Date:   2/12/2011 6:39:03 PM ( 13 y ago)

It's been a bit lonely today. Sent out 4 dozen cookies to my oldest stepson for his birthday. I am disowned from that family - I never really was a part of that family it seems. Not enough to move into the future with me as a human being I guess. Okay, no self pity.

I sent the cookies because I am no longer living by how I think others think of me. If they are sent back, fine. I will send a batch next year as well. I love. I just love. If it is accepted, then it is accepted. If it is rejected, then it is rejected. In the end, I love. That's it. That's me. I am a parent. I love.

Awesome food today. Whole in my gut where G*d might reside. Felt full, full of G*d this morning. As day wore on, the feeling emptied out. I wonder what I can do to fill it now. My inventory. Okay, that's one. Eat my sweet potato. Okay, that's two. Blog. Okay, that's three. Take a hot, nurturing bath. Four. Read before bed. Five. Pray as I fall asleep with gratitude. Six.

I am doing what I can. I would make a phone call but I seem to get voice mail and I just can't take that recording on right now without taking it personally. Fill up with positive action and G*d.

*hugs*

 

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