I go to Mecca to do a pilgrimage and along the way I encounter many Angels and make new friends. It was both a wonderful time and a horrible time but a necessary step to end my book.

Date:   3/12/2009 6:38:47 PM ( 15 y ago)

I decided to go work in Saudi Arabia. I had been offered a job in Mecca doing “dawaa”. I would have to marry a man there but I was willing to do anything for the sake of Allah. I went to Ar Raya Tours and scheduled my Umrah trip. Abu Iad offered to pay for my trip and all I had to do was pay for my food. I took my passport and two pictures to the office and prepared to wait for my trip.

Abu Zaid calls me and tells me that his tour company, Ar Raya Tours wanted to pay for me to go to Umrah. This was a dream come true for me. Abu Zaid tells me that I could travel the last 10 days of Ramandan and that the company would pick up all cost. He told me that this was for the sake of Allah and they felt obligated to help me as much as they could.

I felt for sure that if I went to Mecca and Medina I would forget everything and concentrate on my work for Allah. I prepared to go on the bus, which would leave November 24th, exactly 10 months after Mo’s death. I was given priority seating because I knew the owners. I wasn’t prepared as I should have been but my trip had started.

Today my dream of a lifetime was coming true. Mo and I talked so often of the day we would go to Mecca. I had such high hopes of seeing Mo in Mecca. I don’t know what will happen but I feel something will. Maybe I will never return, maybe I will go on a journey of a lifetime to Mo, this I would truly cherish.

One of the women in the back of the bus becomes very sick. The bus pulls over and everyone is rushing her and they won’t let her even breath. I run off the bus and push everyone away. I tell them to leave us alone. I go and pray on the woman and help her to stand up. I hold her as I escort her to the bus. Everyone was in awe at my behavior. Their mouths dropped open as this women who always was quiet. When we made our next stop, all the women rushed to me and ask me, “Are you a doctor?”

I look at them in surprise and I laugh, “Is the woman recovered? They tell me yes she is just fine.” I was so happy and excited. Allah had given us our first miracle today.

The trip was very long and tiring. We finally get to Medina and we must take a shower so we can prepare for Umrah. I fall on the way to the showers and hurt myself very badly. I tell my friends not to bother anyone or I would be angry with them. I did not want to be a burden to anyone and I just kept my pain to my self.

As we arrive in Mecca and get situated in our quaint rooms, the women all congregated together with the men for our journey to the Haram (mosque). As soon as we arrived at the Haram we did salat and thanked Allah for our safe journey. Then we circled the Kaba 7 times as this was part of our Umrah. As we circle the Kaba, many people were very rude. I just say “Al-humdililah. I had finally made it to the Kaba. As I circle the Kaba I searched the words for meanings. Each word embroidered in exquisite gold thread on a velvet background. We reach the start of the journey around the Kaba and we say Allah Akbar and we kiss our hands towards the black stone. (a stone from heaven) I am in awe and very patient. We go to do Wudo(cleaning of our hands, arms, face, hair and feet)
In the Zamzam water. (a steam of water that Abraham's wife used in the desert to give to her and her baby.). Then we do salat. We then journey to the Marifat mount.
You must do 7 rounds to complete your Umrah but the group was so tired from the journey that they decide to complete Umrah the following day.

The next day I go to the Haram alone and finish my Umrah. I go to circle the Kaba and I see the birds. The birds were flying around the Kaba just like I pictured. All of a sudden I see the Angels. They tell me, “Seek and ye shall find.” They tell me that I am the real Sara now and I should not allow anyone to call me ...... Seek and ye shall find. Find what, find what? Was I supposed to help someone? By the seventh round I was crying very much. Allah was with me so much. I was all-alone in the world and I had no one except Allah.

Being at the Kaba was the most marvelous treat. The holiness around there is too much to imagine. The more you repeat Allah’s name the more your body becomes numb. After I break my fast I go to do the rounds on Marifat. I wanted to finish my Umrah. I had asked Allah at Kaba to see Mo and to have a baby. All of a sudden I see a man who looks like Mo. I heard those words, “Seek and Ye shall find. Oh my God, seek and I shall find Mo. I desperately and excitedly looked everywhere for Mo. All of a sudden my right hand becomes numb. My 3 fingers became bent and Mo was there. An Angel says to me, “What would you say to Mo if you could see him right now.” I started crying and asked Mo to forgive me. I apologized over and over and he places a gold ring in hand. He spoke very little and said to me that the ring should answer all my doubts. I asked him if that meant we would marry in Jannah and he says that we would be together in the Jannah.

I begged him to stay with me but as we approached the gate, he tells me that he must go. That night after returning to my room, I see a man all in white with a full beard. He says to me, “Love everyone.” I close my hand several times clasping on to my ring from the Jannah. The next day I see myself in beautiful clothes like a Queen would wear. It had a hood on the back of the dress. There was such a glow around me so bright that I could not see my face. I had Angels with me too. I felt so happy and I knew that I would be with Mo soon.

Tomorrow we go to Medina and tonight is Laytl Del Qadr, what a blessed night. My trip is ending and I am very sad. I so wanted to have a baby and I know it is impossible but with Allah anything is possible. I was told that I am the real Sara and Sara had a child when she was barren and old.

Really I do not feel old and really I look pretty good. Allah was so merciful to Sara and me. Well we did not leave due to the lack of buses. I was glad we did not leave as I had become incredibly sick and weak. I did not know why but I assume it was from the air conditioning in the room.

I decide to go to the Haram and do Umrah. This is the 28th of Ramandan. I do not want to miss my last chance to see the Kaba. I thought to myself that I would choose Allah’s path. I won’t be back till next year so I better take advantage of the time.

I go to the Kaba and it is so difficult to get through all the crowds. There are millions of people here and I must take one step at a time. I finally get there and it is so beautiful. The night-lights are shining and the Kaba is the most beautiful site you ever saw. I almost run to my place with such happiness. I began to walk and praise Allah. I go by every blind person and disabled person and I ask Allah to heal them. I decide to do Umrah for all the oppressed Muslims and I was very happy and this was a wonderful day for me. I thought about the hard times as a Muslima and the trials I had gone through. Each step I took I became angrier at the oppression of Muslims. I remember the times I was oppressed. The Angel said to me, “Sara, are you and oppressed Muslim?”

I said, “Yes, I am.”

Then I said, “No, I am not oppressed, I am blessed.” Yes indeed I am a blessed Muslim to be in Mecca. You could not stop me, as this was for Allah. I asked Allah for a child who I could dedicate to Allah. I asked Allah to save my family from the hell fire.

I go to Marifat and start walking. I am very tired but for the Muslims I would not give in. The shaitan tried hard to get me to stop but I never gave in. During the last 2 rounds I remember Mo in the hospital with the tears in his eyes. Then suddenly he appears. I start to cry and I tell him to walk with me. I tell him to try to keep up with me as Allah had made me well. We held hands and walked very fast. I told him that I missed him very much. This was a dream of ours to be in Mecca. He didn’t stay long with me and then he was gone. He never spoke much. I had been asked much if I was ready to die and the answer was always yes.

Towards the last few meters I had a glimpse of Prophet Mohammed on his Umrah. I was told that no one was sad or tired. They were so happy to be with the messenger. He motioned for me to come with him. I became more energized and quit crying for Mo. I practically ran to the end where I praised Allah over and over. My feet were raw and they ached awful. I could barely walk to get home, but finally I arrived and I went to eat some supper, as I had not eaten all day.

The next day we go to Medina. I was horribly sick and barely able to make the trip. The bus driver tells us to be back in one hour. I was so sick that I decide not to even go to the Mosque. I tell the driver I will stay on the bus. He argues with me and tells me that I am going and he is taking me there. He takes me to the women’s door and he tells me he will return for me in 45 minutes.

I go inside the Mosque and it is almost empty. It is very nice to be in solitude but each step I take is in torture. I finally get to the tomb of Prophet Mohammed (Pbuh) and I smell the musk of Jannah. Even though it has been 1400 years you can still smell the musk. It is very humbling and of course every one there is crying. I do salat beside his grave and ask Allah for mercy for him and his kin. I never thought the aroma would get to me but it did. I thought of Mo and how he was there too.

After doing Salat I drag myself to the door. Each step becomes harder and harder to make. The pressure on my heart was too much. I look up and see a huge Angel on the left side of me close to the door. I look to the right and I see no Angel. I look again and the huge Angel beckons me to come. I thought that I was going to die now. I didn’t mind because I would love to go to the Jannah. He again motions for me to come to him. I cannot walk but a few feet from the exit I tun towards the Angel. I walk slowing but directly. All of a sudden I see the Zamzam water. I sit on the floor coughing so badly and I fill my cup. I felt better and he told me to take another cup full of water. One lady walks by and inquires about me and I tell her I am fine.

The Angel tells me, “We love you so much Sara.”

I say, “Why do you love me so much?”

The Angel replies, “Because you love Allah so much.” They tell me not to look back and that I should hurry up and return. I start to walk away as they say I should do Allah’s work.

I look up to the ceiling and I say, “Allah, I love you so much.” I ask the Angel, “How can I do Allah’s work?” They then tell me that it would be revealed to me soon.

Upon returning to Zarga, I am too sick. I am sure I have Bronchitis but I will try to get better. I do not have any food in the house and I have only 5 dinars so I must be careful. I found a few lemons in the refrigerator so I make some lemonade and I toast some bread from the freezer. The second day my neighbor inquires about me and she brings me some more lemons. So the second day I have lemonade only. By the 3rd day I am extremely weak. The next day my sister-in-law comes to my house and tells me she wants to take me to the doctor. I tell her that I am very sick. As I turn around to get dressed, I pass out. She runs to me and helps me. I go to the doctor and he confirms my Bronchitis.

I recovered from Bronchitis in a couple of weeks and I was happy to be able to be healthy again. I was not expecting the bad news that would come that day though. My door bell rings and Abu Hamsed and his family come to visit. He tells me how sorry he is that I am sick but he must give me bad news. The family had received a large $800 bill for the water and a $500 bill for the electric and they expected that my services would be cut soon. He tells me that it is not fair that I stay for free. I look at him and tell him that I do not have any money for rent. He tells me over and over again how sorry he is but what can he do.

I sit in shock and I just can’t say anything. I had just recovered from a very bad illness and I wasn’t ready to tackle another problem. Allah had promised me happiness. When was Sara going to be happy?

At that moment during one of my worse days the phone rings. It is my friend Abeer and she calls in her usually good mood. She notices my bad mood and asks me what is wrong. I tell her that I must move and I don’t know what to do. Abeer says to me, “Don’t Worry, Barbi, you can live with my mom and dad.” She told me he would come to get me and take me to his family. He wanted me to see this room that he had for me. I agreed to go, as I must think of all of my options. Abeer tells me that I can stay with his family for free.

I call Abeer at 5:30 the following day and she comes for me. She drives me to his house and I go inside. It is a very large house with many families. The main floor is where his mom and dad live. In the basement there is an apartment where his aunt lives. Connected to his mom and dad is his brother Samih and his family. Ali, his brother, and his family stay on the floor above his mom and dad. Everyone loved me right away and I felt safe. I tell Abeer that I felt that finally I was home.

The family welcomed me into their home and Abeer became my new, “Best Friend.” As that point. The family was just great. Everyone seems overjoyed to see me. I feel like something is wrong though. It is almost mystical of how I got here. Is this a dream and if so when would I wake up.

I slept in my new room last night and I felt safe. It was so nice to feel safe again. Everyone is wonderful to me and I hope this continues. My mom and sister are standing with me on my decision and I am so happy for that. They send me money to help me to pay my expenses and that is a gift from Allah.

Today I go to Mo’s family and get my few clothes and my television. Everyone is angry with me for leaving my cats there. I tried to explain to them that I had no place for the cats, as my future is very uncertain. They did not understand my side and I had to leave.

Today is Id Al Fitr, and all the family is looking forward to the holidays. Muslims only have 2 holidays a year so today is very special. I try to be in very good spirits but with all of my past pain it is hard. I do not know why holidays are depressing but they are. I pray to Allah to give me strength and most of all to not let anyone see my pain.

It is only a year since Mo has died and I think of him often. I love Allah so much and I know he knows more than I do. I was chosen to be a “Shaheed’s wife and now I would have to be patient and wait for Allah’s decision to the rest of my life..

As Id nears its end I am happy. Abeer’s family was wonderful. I received very many gifts and everyone treated me very good. Indeed I did have a good time and I did not think of Mo at all. I went through 4 days and never thought of my past pain. I only thought of my future, my new life. Maybe tomorrow is better than today, but for today I am loved by Allah and this is more than most the people have in a lifetime. It is surely a wonderful life.

I took a big step and decided that in order to go on with my life I had to free myself of the past so I burned all the papers from Mo which included the court documents, his college documents, his cards, his love letters to me and even I burned my divorce papers from my first marriage. I burned my broker’s license from America and everything that held me to the past. The next thing I did was to ask Allah to take Mo away. I asked Allah to keep Mo in the heaven and let me learn to be on my own. Allah granted my request and one day on a trip out of town Mo came to me one last time and tells me. “Good bye my Sara.” He said no more than that and he left for the last time. I never realized that when Mo left so would the Angels. But much to my shock the Angels left and so did Mo.

The end or is it???













 

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