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A Guest Column from my old friend dude
memories of the bronx from my ol friend dude
Date: 11/20/2006 12:01:40 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 2015 times Hi everybody, I am Juan Yole, or “Dude” from the Bronx, I wanna thank don fer letten me write on his blog. I am not cool with blogs fer myself. I am afraid that if I `kepta blog , the man wood be all over it.. Man Ya know what um tawking about. I listen ta Alex Jones,that kool kat knows da troot bout everything. Yeh, ma he is hip to what’s goin on. Juda uder day, he wuz tawkin bout Bush man. Dat dude is dangerous. Like he did everything man, like he got us inta Vietnam even. Yeah man, like theres a time machine and the Bush’s have gone back an forth ta start like wars and stuff.
Anyways, I met don back in the cool 70’s just before don registered for the draft. I was a conscientious objector, Don used ta cawl me a un- conscientious objector, so did the Fordham Baldies man. Don came ta my rescue when we were chillin on line, waiting to go to a Crazy Horse Concert at the real Fordham University Campus. Yeah man, this wuz before Stephen Stills wuz writing songs fer Crosby, Stills and Nash man.
He used ta also hang out on da corner an play skullsie, man, I remember taking the coke bottles and runnen dem over da round sewers take get da tops off the bottles so we could use dem ta become a killer dilla. Man wow, back then sum guyz wood even fill the bottle caps, the metal ones wid wax . so dey wood slide cross the board smoother and easy ta knok out da other bottle caps. Man one day playin wid noble jerry, man I neva knew why he wuz noble. His dawg wood bite da crap atta people. I wuz not dat godd at skullsie, but I wuz a killa dilla once or twice.
Afta wards we wood sumtimes go ta gootz ta get a cuppa cawfee. Man, Dude, I remember one time don wuz in dere and was kinda upset man, yeah man, I said yo man wuts happenin?
He said , lets just go dude. Man I remeber goin ta gootz when grasshopper wuz only like 15 and he ran inta da lady who was known only as booh ton maria. Grasshopper bumped inta her an he was so excited sayin that she was inta him, he said he bumped inta her an she smiled. Yeah man, we told Grasshopper dat dat was dere women an dey wood come looking fer him man. He din’t go back ta gootz fer a year.
Gootz made cawfee, cappuccino way before starbucks an all dose white people , yuppie places man. Don wuz upset cause while he wuz in dere one a da guyz was telling gootz about sum soldier who wuz not being on da up and up. Sumone took out a gun and said ta take care of him when he getz here fer cawfee. He gave um da gun. Man Don freaked an when gootz notice he wuz upset. He brought Don a free Manhattan Special. Another soldier said ta Don, hey kid don’t worry we would never shoot em wit you in the store. We aint like dat. Heres 5 bucks go get sumthin, a new mitt, whatever. Datz when I walked in an saw Don leevin. He told me da story an we took da 5 bucks and split man. I wanted ta get a nickel bag but don an I went up fordham ta hang out at Cousins Record Shop. Maybe meet da uptown Catlick school chicks from Barnabas. Dats where Don met Kathy McFeeney and Moo Moo. Dey wood be wearin dere catlick skool clothes and dey would den switch to dere cool clothes dat dey had in dere knap sack. Noe da yups call dems book bags and pay over a hundred bucks fer a five dolla bag. Likel dey do fer a cuppa cawfee. Dey are funny man. Like dey wont go ta starbucks but dey go ta sum neighborhood hippie dippie joint dat pays chump change ta employees and gives em no bennys. Like whats hip about dat? At least at Gootz, ya wuz doin yer job an ya made alotta cash.
Anyways, wow man what wuz I tawking about? Yeah man, that’s right, it wuz the “Fordham Baldies” A gang of guys from the Park that would try to gool and skull us hippies. Wow Lucky, Don knew one of the Baldies, this friggin guy was a disgraziade,
Crazy son of a gun. This guy wuz out ta cut some hair. He saw me and said it wuz time for a dude cutting and I was ready to split the scene man..
Yeah man, they had me by the hair and wuz ready to start skulling me. When don and my Guru man, Joe Botts came on the scene and talked the baldies out of given me a crew cut.
I heard what they almost did to Mucci marti, man that’s another story. Mucci Marti drove an old hunchback ford and used ta pick up all the guys that would say its not homo if ya get it, its only queer if ya give it. Mucci Marti was big man, he gave the baldies
A fight man. He knocked down, even monster Joey, Mucci Marti was goin animal on dem, I mean He was animal, I sweer! Joe Fabruzio wuz there yellin, peace man, wheres ya head at man, peace. Joe got a piece a hard salami across his puss and his toupee came flyin awf
I think it was picked up by betty palms dawg, no kiddin, Betty Palm wuz there doing what she did fer her pot money, she did some sort of hiring or sumthin, I always saw guys looking for money and saying the were going to see betty fer a palm job. Guido told me she sold leftover Palms from da catlick Church. Man, she wuz getting palms and I wus getting weed. I saw her one nite and said Betty how do I get one of dose jobs? She told me , you stooped sonofabitch, I give ya job, cmere ya hippie , I’ll knock da crap atta ya an den have my cuzin vinnin bust yer ass. Man, she neva liked me.
I saw her years later at da Roosevelt High School Re Union in da Bronx and she wuz wid her husband. I ran over and introduced her ta my old lady, and I said, hey honey dis is the girl I told ya about , Betty Palm. I alwayz thought Betty’s last name wuz palm.
This guy, her husband was about at go animal on me, Man dat wuz da last I ever saw or wanted ta see of Betty Palm,
Wow man, where wuz I? Yeah man I was at Fordham University and I wuz at da main Campus in little Itlee in the Bronx. All these white dudes think Fordham University is just in Manhattan. Joe wigs used ta say dose people don’t know where its at, wheres dere head at man. Yeah I know.
So I wuz waiten ta see Crazy Horse, like iT was Crazy Horse man, and they were in the Bronx man. Yeah, Joe Botts and Don cooled the scene that night. Man the baldies were bad ass., But mucci marti the gay dude almost took em down one night. He got gooled and skulled by animal and they wuz kickin his ass when he just started crying and went animal. He decked two of da balddies and was getting conferdent when he decked animal that he put this move on animal where he wuz wislin and punchin and humpin at the same time. When animal fell he said cmon who’s next., “I’ll dick ya and deck ya at the same time” Who knew Mucci Marti wuz tough man, he was gay man, who knew dey cood fite?
But I wuz no Mucci man, no man not that way, ya know what I mean man. Wow don wont let me lite up a doo bee in his awfice. Wow man, I haven’t seen don since he wuz a hippin man. He wuz a hippie man, now he is a republican man, a republican man. I think they like in serted a chip in him man. Like he wont lissen to art Bell man, Like art bell is god man. Hes like a new yawker too, really, no kiddin. Man like when I went to Mount Carmel man, Before they threw me out, he wuz hangin and he was a hippie man, he wuz daten linder than, man, linder wuz cool. Like I think that George Bush is like one of those reptile people, and he is gonna send up a light in 3d , like one of those holy grams, yeah man they are really holy grams man and they are gonna have jesus in dem and hes gonna tell everyone ta keep Bush man, yeah man. No man, I aint trippin
Wow man, I need a joint. Im gonna have ta like go take a walk and get an egg cream and a knish or calzone man. Like the hot dawg guy aint what dey used at bee. The hot dawg
Guy has knishs now, last time I asked him for a calzone, he got pissed and threaten ta kick my ass. He said why you breaken em on me you stupid disgraziade umbrrioka or sumthin like dat. Yeah man his dawgs wuz fat from bein in water fer so long man. But its cool cause don is a veggeterian guy since like 1975 Man he’s Republikan an he’s still a vegee..like I eat meat and I wuz always cawled a veg head. Man my head wuz never in to vegetables, that wuz not cool. Yeah man, I think but im not sure that I got stoned with George Bush at a Elvin Bishop Concert. Yeah man, it wuz him man, like I remember sittin next at some people who said they were at the concert looking fer Bush, like these dudes were really trying ta find bush , man! Like I think one guy cooda been dick chaney
Really man, Wow man, this is too heavy, Like I need ta crash, later….
Wow man, um back, thanks man, don and I went ta the dawg guy fer knishs but don would not get one. I wuz gonna get a dawg and knish fer $2.50, man and a buck fer a manhattan special but he said the price fer all 3 wuz da five dolla special, I told him dat wuznt special and he threw the hot dawg at me and went animal, man wats his problem?
He said I hate ah yoo dude , some day im a gonna make sure sumbudy wacks yoo .
Yoo stupid bastid. I grabbed da hot dawg and ran , it dint go inta a puddle or anything
Don said he don’t think I shood go back dere any more
So we wuz at Crazy Horse man, like Crazy horse wuz in da Bronx man, like I was about ta get skulled by da baldies and I wuz no mucci marti,. Man. Hey man yoo know what I mean. Tony the blade said Dude yoo is gonna get cut. I told dem dat I was gunna tell mucci marti and dat made dem more mad. But don and Jot Botz distrracted dem and tawked dem inta going fer an el ride with the fordham ram man, da F.U. kidz wuz about ta go on a el ride from Webster avenue to 149th street and 3rd avenue . Oh yeah man, I fergot, they don’t like when ya cawl fordham F.U… Like Fordham wuz a jususwit skool
Or sumthin man. Like im catlick but dey said jesuswits were like super catlicks and lots dem wuz Irish and hung out at Poe Cottage. Man some guyz told me like they went ta da concourse to Poes house and were doing work dere wid betty palm. Man, .I used ta go to Poes howse. Man, Poe lived in da Bronx man, like in a Jewish Neighborhood. I don’t think Poe wuz Jewish? Wuz he? Man , Poe wrote sum heavy stuff man, I know he wuznt Italian, man. Man, or wuz he a paizon? He wrote the Raven man, yeah he wrote da Raven while liven in da Bronx. I guess like lotsa Ravens hung out there cause it was Poe Park man. I think the property belonged to his mother or dad man. Cawse it wuz called Poe Park, it had his famlees name , Poe . Wow cool, I wish there wuz a “Dude Park”
Also like sumone told me cigarettes started in da Bronx on Lorrilard Street man,
Da Lorrilard famlee wuz makin sumthin cawled snuff, I think back then it wuz cocaine man, wow man, I wonder if dey hid any in botanical gardens across from da zoo.
Wow, man, like there are animals all over da area where dey once made cigarettes man. I don’t know how they grew the tobacco in the Bronx. I tried ta grow pot in botanical Gardens man and it kept dyin, it gets too cold man.
Sum guys went there one day and dey were botherin me man. I jus wanted ta get ta my pot man. But dey wuz hangin out, I watched and sum guy came over and asked if I wanted to seeda hershee hi way. Man I aint stupid dey make hershee bars in pencilvania. Man, dey wanted ta mug me man. I don’t even eat Hershey bars.
Man when yer stoned da Neslee crunch barz are really cool. Like I count the bumps in dem. I like once got really stoned and tried ta melt the chocolit on top on my joint. Man, dat sucked, the joint woodnt even lite up man. So I just ate it man. Man I shooda bawt a yoo hoo, man my mouth wuz dry.
So man here I am wid Don, I saw him at the abeetza widda extra mottzarella store getting a slice of cheese and a orzata. I said Don man how r ya, man, I been cawlin ya man. Like I went by your howse so many times man, like it seems like 30 years man. Like dis big Italian women said you crazy sunofabitch, deres a no Don here, He lefta da Bronx 30 years ago, I kicka yer ass. Man she would get so pissed, she once swang a broom at me and broke my glasses. Man she would cawl me doozy potsa or sumthin. I said man, I aint joe botts, im dude. I aint reely been dat good wid Italian or spellen. Bu I know my name.
Don tried ta get me ta enroll in High Skool wid him but I was digging Kenny Rogers in the First Edition, Man. Like I just dropped in ta see what condition my condition wuz in.
Dat wuz where I wuz at man. Like Kenny Rogers wuz cool, like someone told me his son pitches for the Detroit Tigers? Like I don’t know bout baseball, Like when Grillo came from Itlee he useta cawl it da world serious. He cawld soccer football, man he wuz confused. Even I know what football is.
We used ta hang out and play off the curb , wow back den spaldeens were only 25 cents. Man . third base used ta be the dumps, where Minnie mouse wuz da manager. Wow man, I remember being at a Italian movie, yeah man. It wuz called Goldginger or sumthing, I thought it was like about Ginger from Gilligans island man. But like the movie wuz in Italian, so like I don’t really undastand . So I lit up a joint and Minnie shined da flaslight on me and started screamen, drug addict, drug addict, she started smakin me man, like it really hurt, I ran out da back door, droppin my dots onta da street and made bee leeve I was part of da , awf da curb game. Like she came out and asked if anyone saw a pothead. Everyone said no. Marty wuz up at the plate or da curb, he never cood hit da curb wid da ball so he miised da curb and da ball went down da sewer. Toni Screwball said Dude, heres a dollar go down ta Jacks dicount store or nats and grab some balls. You like doin dat. So he said keep da change. So instead of getting spaldeens for a quarter. I got some ten cent pennsy pinkies and got 5 and kept 50 cents. Toni Screwball went crazy and said whydya get pinkies man, ya think um a girl? I play wid pinkies. So I hadda put asses up and dey took turns throwin a ball at my butt. Toni den picked me up by my shirt an said , go back an get spaldeens. Man, Nat wood not take back da pinkies , so I bawt 2 spaldeens and ended up wid no money an 5 pinkies. Dey used da Pinkies too gool me. But Minnie never knew it wuz me smoken .
So man, Botts and Don saved me frum da Baldies and we became good friends man. Like Botts wuz cool man, he always said things dat made ya think. Like were were listenen to Stephen Stills man and like when we mets stills, like Botts said. Like Steven whats up with you? fisrst ya tell me to love the one your with, then ya tell me ta change partners…wow man. Like which one is it?
Wow man, there playin Leader of the pack on XM 60’s station. Wow man,
Those dudes were from da wrong side a town.
Man I need a Joint.
Um gonna be headin back ta New Jersey
Yeah man, I’ll be shmokin
In Ho-Boken
Don said , ya Think HO-Boken knew Mary Palm?
Wow man, He’s trippin
So like thanks Don and all you people out dere. Maybe Ill see ya in da old neighborhood
Whadda dey say now…peace out?
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