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Garden of my Youth
DDT, brain damage, Mercury - The Early Years
Date: 10/3/2005 1:58:34 PM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 1654 times
When I was an infant, our yard had a garden that I liked to play in sometimes. There was a small fishpond beside the garden too. That garden was so healthy and productive, supplying 90% of our veggies all year long, plus berries and so on.
I ate carrots right out of the dirt, and I remember even eating plain dirt... now many years later we hear about Soil Based Organisms [SBOs], and I realise I may have been doing THERAPY for my colon by eating the dirt, and it was by instinct!!
Ya, that garden would hold many secrets. One of these secrets came to light when I was about 30 years old. This secret was unsettling because it was something that would have thrown me off of my Path. If Paths are pre-destined, perhaps very few people ever 'achieve' the Path they had given to them due to things like this...
DDT and 2-4D are common garden chemicals, then and now. They interfere with neurological pathways, thats what makes the bugs roll over and twitch until they die... have you ever seen this horror? Its awfull. Back then, people like my parents were told it was safe, "it only affects insects". Right, as if insects and humans don't have exactly the same kind of neurological pathways... [They are still saying that blatant lie, by the way].
A person's path in life, even a pre-destined one, HAS to involve their brain and mind. Those are the tools which you will use to get there. If the brain or mind is damaged, that path is lost as sure as any trip changes when you get a flat tire, or losing your way when the lights go out.
DDT and 2-4D were sprayed by town crews on the empty lot beside our's, to keep the growing weeds down. Herbacide would have done, but they used insectacides too as if the bugs were a threat. At that time, Gagetwon military base was experimenting with Agent orange and Agent Purple as defoliation chemicals, testing for war applications. Perhaps it was used in many towns other than the ones listed, or even mixed into DDT. It is the dioxins in these chemicals that creates problems for humans.
My dad's garden died, all of it. There was a slight breeze, and they didn't think it was enough wind to blow the spray around. They were wrong.
So many things are still unknown about my exposure. All I know for sure is that I was eating the soil that was sprayed, up until the plants started dying. Back then, we believed these chemicals were not harmfull to us, so not much was said or done about it.
After that, I had problems. Maybe those problems were there anyhow, it is hard to know with young kids when it happened. Grade One was horrible, getting shit all the time for not doing well in school and for being "bad" - bad in ways I didn't not even realise I guess, like twitching in class. In fact, what I had on my mind was to do REALLY WELL, to be a good boy, to be praised. My siblings were all stars in school, and my star was going to shine too, maybe even brighter.
Thats what I thought at first. Soon enough, it was all about "not getting noticed". When I was first noticed by the first teacher of my life, I had to stay in at noon-hour recess and stand at her desk for some reason - again, I don't know what I did wrong, must have been talking out of turn in class or something. It realy messed me up bad - I ran home crying, partly because I was late getting home for lunch [yews, we did that back then!]. When I did burst in the door, I was greeted by peels of laughter by my older brother and Mom - it must have been funny to see my crying and all that.
They were not mean on purpose, it was just the basic evil shit that brainwashed people do. my path in life was knocked off course by that laughter. If I was seeking LOVE, I found something very different at home... they were such successfull people there, all of them. I was not. I found a pretty little thing called fear.
Fear of not standing up to the measure of a man.
Fear of not being wealthy.
Fear of losing what they had.
Fear of other's opinions of us.
Fear of ME??? My damaged brain was scary to them... "What if he has new.different ideas?" Of course, I didn't understand it any more than THEY did, not for many years. I felt more like a fish out of water.
At about the same time, all the really really GOOD mothers in our small town were doing - what they thought was best for us - and took us to see the dentist regularly. The POOR people's kids didn't go to dentists regularly, and so we 'are better people' [and then there are those Lutherans of course....] with better kids, or so they thought!!
MERCURY was the insult to my poor brain then. I had had 17 fillings by age 12, most of them done over about three times by age 20. Thats over 50 mercury laden fillings, both melted in and drilled out, and it is when they are heated that the danger is.
Add to that the typical vaccinations, delivered at that time with Thimerisol mercury preservative, and I must have been chock fulla mercury.
I have never managed to get any doc to order any tests done for it, ever, despite 30 years of undiagnosed ailments. They don't WANT me to know what is bothering me. That is true for most people with chronic illnesses - they don't want us to know what has ruined our lives. {They know...]
So between the chemicals and the mercury, I don't have much doubt that my brain is not what it could have been.
Issues I have with anger are typical of brain damage... so often I used to lose my temper when discussing things, which of course "proves" me wrong about whatever we were discussing, even if I was right. That tactic is used a lot by the evil people who know that I am prone to this [my own family used it, as did my ex-wife]. I have not lost my temper for years now, but still won no argeuments...lol].
Brain damage knocked me off my path in life. Now I must face whats left, create a new path "with heart", and envision a better world at the end of it.
I could tell of how school was hard, and family made it worse. I could tell of how working world didn't give me a fair shake either, how I was so strong and brave in my pain but was maligned anyhow as a wimp when I finally gave into it.
I could tell of how the authorites refused to give me a break, allways saying I was lazy instead of hurting.
"The pain is in your head, it is not real", and "You are lying" - those must be the two hardest things to hear when applying for a disability welfare. I was not lying, and the pain is real, complete with muscles cramps that they could see if they would only look.
survival:
I was unable to work an hour, and was being told I was fine. So, I made a contract with the world I lived in - "I can die or I can live, but I cannot support myself , so you all decide what you want."
I am more than willing to die - this pain is not eay to live with - but staying alive brings a kind of comfort to others, and suicide or starvation is such a negative thing , so I am willing to stay alive but you HAVE to acknowledge my illness.
Without saying so, I think they have done that. They started sending me a monthly pension cheque, and the doc gives me a prescription. So I think they do acknowledge my illness, they just can't tell me so. There is lots of money for us disabled people, it is just a game they play to say we are the whole reason taxes are so high.
So on top of living, I have to listen to rich people complain that my life is causing them too much taxation!! What a farce...
next - Chapter Two - "teenaged years: are the best trip ever!!"
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