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Love Finding
The finding of Kronos
Date: 12/5/2005 8:03:16 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 3343 times Some of this will make no sense to some who will read this..and some will understand almost automatically, and a few will even understand more than I do..and this bit will reveal more than maybe, even I, care it to......
But the truth is...I never really did want to understand why I love someone...It only makes me decide that I am making a mistake- more on that..
I was married one time for 20 years, raised my children, 2 cars, house in Leucadia, yada,yada...There were up and downs in that 25 year span (I met my husband at age 16- he was 24- yes, well that's another story= apparently he had no fear of the law- in fact I can say -he did not have any fear of the law- in this area and several others)
Some really heart gripping lows, but I did believe in my vows up to a point. And that point came ...and I divorced him, split the bills and the equity, and didn't ask for a cent in alimony or child support and walked out the door.
I have dated just a little- I met, fell in lust with a younger, (buff and beautiful) guy and we lived to together for 3 years at the complete horror of my children- I'm still hearing about that one! But he knew more, sexually speaking, at 24 than my ex- did at 44...so it was an education- but the conversations were missing something- actually present day stuff was fine- he was bright, but our frame of references were skewed.
When our politics disagreed and I patiently (after all I'd raised children) tried to explain the history that influenced my thinking. He felt superior (conservative right) and clearly afraid that he was over his head- that's what made it so important his will dominate in the discussion department. It's actually humorous to think of it now, but it made for strained bedfellows. I was working in the financial sales industry as a stockbroker and insurance broker- a financial planner- and then some! I drank too much, and was forlorn- but not quite sure about what? Lack of true self expression?
Not only had he never dated intellectually active girls in his own age-group but not one with more relevant history than his life span could've given him. ..Around this time I started a path of SRF and deep meditations 3-4 hours at a time. Yes, that pleased him to no end, and my knowing internally about reincarnation etc- well that just drove him nuts...He was hanging on pretty tight.
Four years ago, amid, a life crisis-as in what is this life about?- I met a healer-energetic, acupuncture, and hakomi all rolled into one- and he, over the course of 2 years, introduced my soul to me...that one that was torturing me so..The real me...and I begin to discover who I really was..and I begin to realize my gifts, energetically speaking, I was ultra sensitive and could feel people from across the room-I could hear what some were thinking- (I don't advise this)
I had a fall at work one day, and went out on disability-M my acupuncturist referred me to D a chiropractor friend of his...OMG- D was highly empathic, and later I found could visit you, yep, he could bilocate..and he can speak, to me, without using the phone...very interesting experience...and that one I would have liked to get to know better...but he was spoken for...and while accommodating- there would have only been -at best- a sharing relationship- I'm not much on sharing my sexua| partners. Even though I probably have done so unknowingly. His understanding and his sexua| energy were huge~ inspiring and sublime. Have never felt energy like that before or after..He is one of a kind!
All that to explain, I now am able to send out my energy to like minded individuals..and during one of these daydreaming "for real" episodes- a kind of relaxing of the mind and entering another dimension. Oh and by the way, Sadhana and Kundalini yoga actually are much the same thing-or can be if you have the predilection to use your energy for telepathy, travel on the astral,and creating with Universal substance-or to heal, or see the future or any of the gifts all of us are born with but hhave been discarded during the socialization process. (Now where was I?) Oh yes so while paying in the "other realms" I met a man- yes, and we'll call him C- C has done much work on the structure of the Universe and time travel...it is a name that can be used for the ability to find your Oversoul- or Ovasoul.
The part of you that reincarnates time and time again- the old soul, the knowing one and all the other names associated with simply knowing your true self- the God self...the one that has all the answers that are all inside you. Yep that could cut down on a lot of forum opinions, huh? ;>}
So the One that I have met in other realms is now communicating with me in more traditional manners and he is the one that wrote the beautiful, beautiful, inspiring note that I posted under Love Making http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=229&i=233 And I'm hoping he may be One that I can spend some time with and increase my awareness while having all the normal stuff of a partner.
I have not uttered those words or had that thought in many years. I guess I resigned myself but still looked. Any interesting tension of opposites...
So now let the natural stuff of men and women flow- I am open enough to want to take a test drive...What woman would not with the beauty of the poetic courtship!
This blog may be less about swimming and more about other moistures! ...I'm kinda excited and very alert.....More....Coming....;>}
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