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My Story, The Beginning
The Beginning
Date: 2/25/2005 6:28:17 PM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 1835 times
My Story
Although deeply personal, I share my story with the world for many reasons; to let all know they are not alone in their struggles through their daily trials, to serve, hopefully, as an inspiration for those succumbing to those trials to keep fighting for their lives and their happiness, to spark a flame of indignation toward the injustice of the "health" industry for preying on our trust and ignorance that might send them on a quest for a true human right, to live in salubrity, to share with my caring friends the ordeal that I endured, and to relieve my heart and soul of the bitter, painful burden of disappointment and acrimony amassed by my family who left me alone in my darkest hour.
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I have spent the entire year of 2002 suffering from what I was originally told was the debilitating effects of uterine fibroid tumors. I lost massive amounts of blood and was hospitalized many times from hemorrhaging. For 8 months of that year I was almost completely confined to bed. Finally, with a blood count of only 4, in January, I had a hysterectomy. What I thought was to be a recovery to health turned out instead to be a frightening sidestep when I was told the doctor had found cancer.
Now, I speak of the following things because they are crucial to a finding I made in my cancer research, which I will explain momentarily.
This was an awful awful year for me for it seemed loss & threat of loss was much of what I had to endure; I literally grieved when on Mothers Day one of my teen daughters, who had in the last two years become frighteningly cold and cruel hearted to me, rebelliously moved out of our home and in with my sister, where she remained for the duration of the year, much to my suffering. My sister, who had promised me my daughter's former course would be curbed, instead gave her full freedom to indulge in everything I had for years fought so hard to stop & as a result she ended up smoking, drinking & doing drugs with a lowlife crowd, among other things. I was quite literally consumed with pain, rage, frustration & helplessness over just this one thing. Meanwhile, my youngest daughter with O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) was becoming incredibly disrespectful, foul mouthed & mean, refusing to go to school for months, running wild, and in my state of health I was completely unable to handle her.
Atop this I continually dealt with their fathers drug addiction, with my loss of income, with our lack of food, with living in a dilapidated little trailer with 4 to 5 others & many cats, with threat of losing our home while various family, friends & agencies paid our rent, with the loss of many of our rescued kitties to disease, and with the worry, suffering and guilt I felt over all of it, and in all of this I stood alone. As I lay day after day in my dark little room, wasting away from blood-loss and starvation (I lost 25lbs in 1 month) I prayed for death. Each brush with death I had was a blessing just out of reach. It seemed there were no end to my tears.
Now the reason I bring all of this up is because I'd like to share something I learned from a book a friend got for me. It's called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay and in it she talks about how ones emotions can cause disease. At first I was skeptical but after reading the ailments I had & their corresponding emotions I was convinced she was correct.
The abnormally heavy menstrual periods I'd always suffered she said are caused by "Not wanting to be a woman. Dislike of self...Rejection of the female principle...Guilt." Very true. All of my life I'd felt I'd much rather be a boy (I'm not lesbian) & felt terribly guilty. In fact only just a few months before reading this I'd told one of my friends about just this emotion, of not wanting to be female. Another of my physical troubles was chronic upper back pain, caused by "Feeling unloved." and for a certainty, especially after this year was through, I felt unloved. But it was the emotions causing cancer that sealed my belief in her theory. Cancer is caused, she says, by "Deep hurt. Longstanding resentment. Deep secrets & grief eating away at the self..." Oh yes, this was me. Even the uterine fibroids spoke of my emotions, "Nursing a hurt."
I read elsewhere, somewhere on the web that the reason emotions can cause ailment & disease is because the brain releases different chemicals for its corresponding different feelings & these chemicals, if emitted in excess, as in the case of obsessive thoughts or long-term grief, these specific chemicals released concerning these emotions build up in specific areas of the body causing specific different ailments & diseases.
Recently (2005) I have read more about this in the book "Love, Medicine & Miracles" by Dr Bernie Siegel who further states that people who develop cancer always suffer loss in the preeding years. My life was filled with many losses. While this makes perfect sense to me, especially since I've seen it in myself, I do not place every ounce of blame for my cancer & other health problems, on emotion alone as I am very well aware that many other things cause health to fail. I was not always so aware of my health or of health in general, though, it just didn't interest me, I was primarily a "spiritual" person, so when my doctor came into my hospital room after my hysterectomy and told me they had found cancer & that it was invasive, I could only picture the poison tentacles of cancer reaching throughout my body, suffering horrible cancer treatments, chemo & radiation, which I was going to trustingly jump into, and eventually dying a long and painful death.
Being a spiritual person, I believe I was led through my ordeal & on to safety and then thumped smartly on the head to wake up and become aware of the "physical" aspects of living by God & His angels. As soon as I got out of the hospital I got online and began to research everything I could on cancer, chemotherapy & radiation treatment, but yet I had not looked into, what they call "alternative" treatments. At that time I doubted such treatments and still believed in the Cancer Society who would surely tell the world if a healing treatment were found!
A few weeks after my hysterectomy I met with an Oncologist who, after telling me all the miserable side-effects & long-term health problems of the cancer treatments, read me my pathology report. He said that all of the tumor had been removed, nothing else was visible to the surgeon, and that what "might" be left behind was microscopic cancerous cells. He said there were no tests that could detect it was there and after taking the chemo/radiation treatments, there would be no tests that could prove the "possible" microscopic tumor was killed. I had to lift an eyebrow after hearing this!
Then further he says, with surprising honesty, that the treatments so compromise the body/cells that later cancers are a greater threat. If that was not enough to send me running for my life he continues by saying that if I did develop cancer later in my life that there would be little or no treatments left to me for my body will have taken all it could with these treatments!
I left the Oncologist asking myself what good would it do to my body or my life to put it through such gruesome procedures and endure so many awful side effects and long term health troubles for a tumor so microscopic that could not be detected before chemo/radiation and could not be proven dead afterward???
Before I was told that cancer was found, I was beginning to look forward to regaining my strength & health, so why should now be any different? It made more sense to me to rebuild my health and let the miraculous power of the body's own immune system heal me than to invade it with killer drugs and radiation, that the doctor himself admitted would make me seriously ill!!!
I stopped reading so much about & preparing myself for the mainstream and popularly accepted cancer treatments and instead began to look for natural health builders. Not only did I find out much about health, nutrition and dietary supplements, but also something that completely shocked me, there was not only a natural treatment that helped the body heal itself of cancer, but many!
I asked myself the question I've heard so many times since I had, "If there were such healing treatments for such a deadly and widespread disease, wouldn't everyone know? Wouldn't the doctors and cancer societies tell the world?" But I kept reading again & again all over the web from scientists, physicians, researchers & healed persons that these natural treatments did indeed help the body heal itself! I didn't want to believe it because it meant I must acknowledge the dishonesty and irreprehensible guilt of our trusted doctors and cancer organizations! I mean, how COULD they?!?!?"
I was appalled! How could they knowingly watch so many die of this disease? How could they know parents were watching their little children die, families were being destroyed, people were suffering in massive numbers, HOW COULD THEY??? Well, I'll tell you how, money. That's all, just for money.
I read all of these things and sat stunned thinking, "My God... people have to be informed! I began posting in cancer newsgroups and forums, trying to tell people what I had learned but quickly found out that webmasters wanted nothing to do with my "scary" information and promptly hushed me up. I finally wrote to one of them asking them why they would rather read posts from heartbroken parents watching their children die of cancer and cancer treatments than to allow them to learn the truth and hopefully save their babies. Of course I received no reply.
I realized there needed to be a place where people could go to not only learn the truth, but could gather and talk of it too, a place where they could empower themselves through knowledge and heal themselves naturally, and so my site "Intelligent Health" was born.
I have not taken good care of myself, not only have I always been hard on myself on an emotional level, but, as I said earlier, I was not interested in health. As a result I filled my body with all manner of pollutants and junk food. Now though, I have survived a secretly growing large & invasive cancer and see that it is time to stop the ignorance and self-abuse. I'm making changes to allow my body to heal.
So, here I stand, at the very start of my personal journey into natural treatment for my cancer, and I invite you all to take the journey with me.
This journal/blog will refer to my physical - spiritual - emotional - health - journey where I will record changes, setbacks, improvements and personal thoughts on my "natural treatment" for my cancer well-being. I'm usually always around so if you want to, feel free to drop me a note.
I will soon add a more in depth account of the year preceeding my cancer and to see how I believe God led me through it all.
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